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  1. PTSDGuy

    Structural Dissociation?

    Strange, I've been thinking lately that I should maybe try something art related... and you posted about that very idea... Maybe I'll finally try.
  2. PTSDGuy

    Structural Dissociation?

    I'll let my therapists know that they're missing a crucial point. I figured they knew what they're talking about, but maybe I'm wrong. Just because I'm finally ready to deal with things doesn't mean I realized something one day because it "fits". What exactly is "extreme and long term...
  3. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    It's been a really hard week. This whole parts thing is killing me... At EMDR, my T asked if I wanted to work on the flashbacks of my mother, but a couple of the questions he asked, and the look I saw on his face made me think he thinks I'm a liar... He asked if I really thought my mother...
  4. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    I'm not sure why I even try to have conversations outside of my diary on here. Both my therapists brought up the idea of parts, and since there was a discussion about structural dissociation on the board, I thought I'd post. I'm really confused by the whole idea, and have been trying to figure...
  5. PTSDGuy

    Structural Dissociation?

    Message received... I posted here to try to figure out things that my therapists first brought up, but I guess I'll just tell them when they bring up parts that they're just "cutesy easily describable parts, one set of emotionality per each, neatly labeled and approved". I wish I hadn't even...
  6. PTSDGuy

    Structural Dissociation?

    I literally needed to cut and paste your whole message, because every bit of it resonated with me. It definitely makes sense to me, @shimmerz
  7. PTSDGuy

    Structural Dissociation?

    I definitely have to learn to deal with whatever's going on... You're right - If I end up dead because of it, it's not gonna help.
  8. PTSDGuy

    Structural Dissociation?

    Food for thought... You could be right... I get confused around anger... It's always been too dangerous to feel. If I got angry as a kid, I got beaten... It was my T who brought up the idea of parts, and my anger being one of them... but maybe I misunderstood... I get overwhelmed in therapy...
  9. PTSDGuy

    Structural Dissociation?

    I've been reading everything I can on Structural Dissociation, and I'm totally confused, but am starting to allow myself to consider the possibility that I might have parts. The last couple of weeks, I've been trying to wrap my head around it all... I've read threads on here and have read two...
  10. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    Damn, it's been almost a week since I wrote on here... I hate the way things start seeming like they might be improving, then my brain decides, "Oh, you're feeling better, time to remember more crap"... I was so overwhelmed with everything that I didn't even do EMDR at EMDR... I spent most of...
  11. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    Wow, not sure where to start... I've been literally carrying the forms for the criminal injury commission in my car for a week - upside down on the passenger seat.. Where I glance at them when I get into the car. My big concern with reporting the abuse is that my abusers are dead. My father...
  12. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    I like it! It'll be tough to put up on my fridge, though... ? . (Oh, and thanks . :hug:)
  13. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    I had a flashback a couple of days ago remembering more stuff involving my parents, and by the end of the flashback, I was ANGRY.... I had this image of me walking in on them while they were sexually abusing me, and cutting off their body parts. It was really strange, as soon as I pictured...
  14. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    OK, survived EMDR and therapy. It's funny, the new stuff I remembered made me feel like my life was falling apart, but it isn't bothering me as much at this point. It still floors me, but it just sort of feels like one more f*cked up thing in my childhood....I guess spending two sessions...
  15. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    Hey, @Chris-duck, I really appreciate you checking out my "ramblings" too... Seeing you've read my whining all the time means a lot to me when I'm overwhelmed and crashing... And when I'm calmer, like now, I can step back and appreciate your support... :hug:
  16. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    I'm not sure what I'd put on a card, but it sounds like a good idea... Off the top of my mind, I can think of a few things: They're dead. I am safe. It's 2019. Flashbacks always end. It wasn't my fault. My therapist also told me that I might want to work on not calling myself names this week...
  17. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    Just got back from EMDR, or what should have been EMDR... Spent the whole time raging, and sobbing over how at this point, my childhood was stolen... and somehow in the middle of it all, I started laughing over how much I swear... I probably swore 5 times in my first 50 something years... Now...
  18. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    I'm such a f*cking mess... I'm having a really hard time... Yesterday I found out that I can apply to a Criminal Injuries Board where I grew up for Compensation for being abused.... At first I was really excited, because there's no time limit for sexual abuse... Then I realized I have no proof...
  19. PTSDGuy

    How does anyone ever get sleep on Wellbutrin?

    I'm on 150mg XL... and I don't have any prob..... Oh wait...... I get about 5 hours sleep a night... I just figured it's part of the joys of PTSD... Now I'm not sure...
  20. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    I'm not sure why, but I finished Leaving Neverland... There were certain things that felt like a punch in the stomach, but lots of things that I connected with. Two things stuck with me... One was how I identified with both of the guys - one is way farther along in his healing than the other...
  21. PTSDGuy

    Euthanizing service dog. Bad, bad day.

    I once had a dog who suddenly lost the ability to walk... and somehow I figured out it was myasthenia gravis... I read that if they gave the dog a certain drug and it could walk, it confirmed it. The vets kept telling me it couldn't be... It took forever to convince the vet to try it... He gave...
  22. PTSDGuy

    Experiences with antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds that don't cause weight gain

    I've been on Wellbutrin for years now... It was the only thing I could take that didn't pile on pounds.... Years ago I did Lexapro... and gained 60 pounds in a couple of months... That was while I was eating right and exercising... Instead of helping, it made me more depressed... My...
  23. PTSDGuy

    Using medical marijuana

    I've had my Medical Marijuana card for the last couple of years... I've found that "Blue Dream" works pretty well. It's a Sativa... and was listed all over the place online as good for PTSD... It helps... But I vape it.. It's funny that @shatter eyes mentioned Pineapple Express... That one...
  24. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    Went to the gym and did 4 miles on the treadmill, then lifted weights... I'm much more relaxed. Thank God.
  25. PTSDGuy

    Only took 50 years to deal with my abuse.

    Thanks, @Chris-duck. Grounding and calm would be good around now!
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