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  1. H

    Ramblings and musings

    I don't really know why I'm here. I'm not currently interested in social media. Perhaps, I liked the idea. A place to analyze my behavior and thought patterns. I think some things could be helpful or a waste of time. So maybe I'll keep on or disappear from here and try to forge my life. I do...
  2. H

    Urge to open up.

    I've made a few acquaintances. They'll share things about themselves and I may comment, joke or change the subject. I've been told about diabetes, speech impediment, etc. I feel like I want to reciprocate for some reason and when appropriate share that I have ptsd. Only I am fearful of social...
  3. H

    I wanted to do more today.

    I've done alot lately. I did alot today. I can feel my stress levels fluctuating and just wish I had more room in my cup without having to put my wellbeing first. The positive things that are supposed to help empty my cup may be just enough to keep me going. I'm stressed, exhausted and want to...
  4. H

    Ignoring anxiety symptoms

    I've been doing pretty good. Living life and making every meal for a few weeks now (except for one cheat meal). I'm not surprised by the anxiety that's been creeping on. Not really annoyed. I'm just kinda glad that I'm on the other side of the big wave, watching it travel further away and...
  5. H

    Intrusive memories can be stubborn

    Last week: I feel broken but, somehow am pulling parts of life off. I need to make plans for when I can't plan. Then bad days will be easier because, I'll have backups. Music used to push out the ruminating thoughts. Then they came anyway. I opted for silence and guess who's back. The belief...
  6. H

    CBT helping me help others

    People without ptsd (or other mental health stuffs) are guilty of cognitive distortions too. It's a rather odd feeling to help a loved one through their anxiety by practicing what I've been taught. I found myself helping more than I ever thought possible. "Do you really know that? It could have...
  7. H

    Keeping it in and working on myself progress.

    I won't go into details about the event that led to ptsd down my road. I'm sorry, if that's... okay? I'd rather not. When learning techniques in cognitive behavioral therapy my intrusive memories and overwhelming emotions were stored in a water tower. I could walk in and gaze at the sludge...
  8. H

    Sometimes, I don't post.

    Sometimes, I write out posts and read them a few times as I edit them. Then I think to myself, "Now, don't you feel better?" as I delete them never to be posted. I think it's similar to writing a letter and never sending it. It used to frustrate me as I felt I needed to express myself but...
  9. H

    To feel in control.

    I had a few things happened recently that feels like I'm losing control of my environment. I know that sometimes no matter how hard we try, or do, that sometimes things will go wrong anyway. This element of chaos can be unsettling. But, it's not a reason to give up. I brush and floss every day...
  10. H

    Exhaustion and Exposure therapy

    I've been making a plan to force myself to confront my shyness. I put myself in situations where I usually want to run away. I was doing okay until I heard someone else's microphone flick on. I nearly jumped out of my own skin. Silly to be so reactive and yet it feels beyond my control. I'm...
  11. H

    I wish making friends was easier for us.

    An acquaintance can seem too much. It's not in person. It's online with headsets. I'm shy, I guess. I began to warm up to a fellow who comes across friendly enough. The guy then invites me to an online party. Only, I'm the only girl. It's online but, I'm aware I can't record them for evidence in...
  12. H

    Family invites and stress management over the holidays

    I'm probably using avoidance right now but, I will deal with this today. After a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner with my family we've been invited to a family Christmas weekend with all the family's kids there. I'm torn btwn wanting to see my precious neices and nephews and wanting to just stay...
  13. H

    The surreal detour

    I had slipped away for a moment. I didn't even realize I had gone. I remember my gaze losing focus to favor my mind. I could hear him in the background suddenly concerned. His voice was like putting music on the low setting. Or like hearing his voice as an echo in my memory rather than in place...
  14. H

    A reaction to the death of an assailant.

    One of my assailants died several years ago. At first, I didn't even register it. In therapy I realized that it made me happy. I was ashamed that I could feel this way. Another tried to relate by reminding me they could never hurt another person again and that was why I was happy. While they had...
  15. H

    EMDR therapy from one patient's perspective

    At first it sort of just seemed like talk therapy that was guided with a strange device in my hands. We would phase back and forth between recounting traumatic events and processing them. Apparently, the process is similar to that of the REM sleep state. It was not hypnotic though. I was fully...
  16. H

    Ptsd got your appetite? Hang in there!

    A warning sign I have is numbness. Sometimes, I can't tell when I'm hungry and if I'm not careful I'll forget to eat. If that goes on too long then I'll develop anorexia and have trouble eating despite really wanting to. Have you ever been hungry and wanted to eat but, had trouble chewing and...
  17. H

    Sufferer Hi. I'm Hanna and I have pts. I thought to look for others who get it.

    Hi everyone. I'm new here. I have post traumatic stress from many years ago. I have been through cbt and emdr therapy after my symptoms became unmanageable. That was a few years ago and I have come a long ways in this struggle. I guess that even though I made so much progress it just feels a bit...
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