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    Sexual Assault Did you ever antagonize your abuser(s)? Did you decide you wanted it?

    "Control factor" on your part? Like you were seeking control? Or on their part?
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    Sexual Assault Did you ever antagonize your abuser(s)? Did you decide you wanted it?

    Just want to say that I may have to keep telling myself this over and over until it sticks!
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    Sexual Assault Did you ever antagonize your abuser(s)? Did you decide you wanted it?

    I've been here and experienced the same thing. Being lifeless for the boyfriend often did nothing to stop the trauma. Fighting or not, he wanted sex and he got it. However, me doing that in front of my dad would make him so angry, and maybe provoke a very hard final blow but could at times then...
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    Sexual Assault Did you ever antagonize your abuser(s)? Did you decide you wanted it?

    Did you ever purposefully make your abuser mad? Did you give in and just let them hurt you? Did you decide you wanted what they were doing instead of fighting? Instead of leaving? I was abused at home from very young. Mostly physical abuse, but there was some other types sometimes too. As an...
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    Sexual Assault Why did it happen so many times?

    I very much agree. It was very helpful!
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    Intrusive thoughts, crying, self harm, substance abuse...you name it, I've been there this weekend...

    I've been doing prolonged exposure for awhile now. It's been bringing up increased urges for self harm and substance use for most of that time. However those urges have been building and getting worse. I used to cut daily, or more. I just did. It's just been a part of my day since before I can...
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    Sexual Assault Why did it happen so many times?

    Thank you for that response @Friday it is exactly what I needed. I do know, somewhere deep down, that it wasn't me. Its just hard to accept when it happened so many times and yet there are others whom avoid it all together.
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    Sexual Assault Why did it happen so many times?

    I was sexually assaulted by a previous pyschologist. I was 17, he was, well 'old'. I was admitted for a suicide attempt and he was the psych. It's kind of a complicated trauma that happened in the middle of other complicated traumas. I've been working on it in my current therapy however and my...
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    Sexual Assault Interacting with my 1st Rapist

    Oofta, that's a tough one. My T would tell you that this is typical of our relationship and something we need to work on. I honestly feel that this might be more than just that though. When I first told him very very long ago we were both young as well. His response was that of many hormonal...
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    Sexual Assault Interacting with my 1st Rapist

    The first time I was raped was almost 18 years ago. I was in a relationship with this man, though I was 12 and he was 17 initially. I was raped on my 13th birthday and he was 18 at that time. The relationship and future assaults went on for several years after that. Most consistently for 2...
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    Medical Recent Hospitalization - Am I adding medical trauma?

    This is me when it comes to my kids. My kids have so many complex medical needs and we've been through a lot. Times where 2 of them are sick with one is hospital and other in ER. I can be so level headed in those situations. Even with the caregiver PTSD I experience. Its like all of my...
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    Medical Recent Hospitalization - Am I adding medical trauma?

    I've had PTSD for 10+ years due to ongoing childhood trauma of multiple types by multiple people. I then seemed to add "caregiver" trauma to the list after my son nearly died shortly after birth and then has also had many medical complications for several years. Now, I was recently hospitalized...
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    Intense Emotions after Sex

    Yes I do have therapy. We haven't talked a ton about this specifically. Honestly it seems like there is so much to work through that we never get any further.
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    Intense Emotions after Sex

    When I don't dissociate sex, I experience extreme anxiety and fear afterwards. Fear he's going to leave. Fear I did something wrong, that I let myself feel it, so he's going to be grossed out by me. It's intense and I never know what to do with it. Trying to be physically closer to him...
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    Prolonged Exposure Fear of Sexually Exciting Therapist

    There's definitely some female components to some of my previous traumas that play into it for me too. Oddly enough, those seem to play in so strongly that I've never gotten past the first visit with a female T. As messed up as it is, even though I have every reason to fear a male therapist...
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    Prolonged Exposure Fear of Sexually Exciting Therapist

    Haha. Thank you for the reality check! Yes, logical me does know this! I hope you don't take offense to what trauma-me sometimes tries to push into my brain. I'm really not as gender- discriminatory as this post makes me sound. My fears come out that way because of my trauma, and so when...
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    Prolonged Exposure Fear of Sexually Exciting Therapist

    He has shown none. I also haven't gotten as detailed as PE requires in-person ever, (dang covid) but when just discussing it more vaguely absolutely not. And no concerns in any other context either. In PE I have to talk the whole event to him in "real" time from 1st person. "I said this..." "He...
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    Prolonged Exposure Fear of Sexually Exciting Therapist

    Anyone ever have fear of causing arousal in your T while talking through very specific details of sexual trauma? I have had same T for 3 years. It has taken that long to get to the point where I can talk much at all. This is our 2nd (kind of 3rd) trauma event that we are working through using...
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    It's Been Awhile

    I have not been on for SO long. Just saying hi. I'm surprised I actually still see some of the same names. I'm pretty sure I was in Doctoral school or just finished the last I was on. It's been a crazy 3.5ish years since then. A new State, a new house, a new kid. Wow! I have been in therapy...
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    Lacking Support

    To take time off from school in my program would be an automatic year off. You can't just stop and pick back up. Which, probably doesn't sound like as huge of an issue as it is. Within 2-3 months of that year my student loans would start needing to be paid. Being in doctoral school you can...
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    Lacking Support

    I know some, but I cut all the time. It's not new, it's just worse than typical. Not worse than it's ever been though. It was a lot worse years ago, growing up. They aren't really options for me. I'm a graduate student, actually doctoral student. I have a special needs kiddo. I miss class just...
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    Lacking Support

    Bare with me here, as I was having a hard time deciding what topic area to place this under. It seems I have about 5+ new-ish issues all going on at the same time causing me to go from a place where I was feeling better than I had in a couple years, to really bad again...and almost all of them...
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    I Want To Nominate Anthony For Ted

    Love it @Simply Simon ! I've listened to quite a few TED talks myself and completely agree with you. :)
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    Higher Ed And Mi/ptsd - Disclose Or Not?

    I'm in grad school right now and I have not told anyone. I did not tell anyone in undergrad either. Although I have seen several people talk about accommodations on this sight, and even had some recommend I disclose and ask for accommodation. The field I'm going into, Physical Therapy, has a lot...
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    Physical Therapy Too Hands-on

    I'm a physical therapy student. You can definitely ask them to be less hands on and they will understand. The hands on is a "big" deal lately, a lot of research happening in the area and more benefits are being found than people realized before. That doesn't mean that's the only thing they can...
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