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That's just it - you can't force yourself to cry or to feel. I have similar attachment and disconnection problems. But in order to work on this (which I imagine your T is attempting by bringing it up with you in the 1st place), we need to tap into our unconscious. Because emotions are not...

@Jane.l I know! She told me yesterday what happens if she reports it - that I'll get a call and I can then chose to cooperate with them or not... I told her it would do more harm than good. I attempted to explain, how even hypothetically, if I was wanting to report it, I wouldn't have enough...

Apparently it's specific to the organisation she works for. Which I find crazy because it means social services will be calling me about it if she does have to report it. All I've done was confirm there was csa. At my 1st meeting there was the general 'I have to make you aware that everything...

So she rang me back yesterday. She knew from my voicemail what I was talking about and said she went to clarify it with her boss for me before she rang me. Basically she said they are mandated by their employer to report any alleged serious abuse to community care, even without names. I told...

It's just she looks at it all in a very clinical light. And I'm struggling very hard to see it from an adult perspective as it is. Now I'm thinking, wait til she knows more... I couldn't bear my old T using the 'r' word.

@DancingBull the context was me saying I was worried about trust and confidentiality. That I had this 'irrational' fear that telling her stuff may cause more harm than good as I was worried it would in someway come back on me by getting out to my abusers (again childhood irrational fears that...

Thanks everyone - I rang her office and left a voicemail stating that I need her to call me back to clarify something she mentioned in our session that's concerning me. I made it clear that I won't commit to coming back next week until I can get a clear understanding of what she meant. I'm a...

My T brought this up with me at one of our initial meetings. She simply wanted to assess my level of risk and history. The reason for it, which I imagine is similar for your situation too, was to get an idea of a) what might trigger me to do so (so to prevent her doing something in therapy that...

I thought my therapist could and was only obligated to report an abuser if they were still considered a threat to others. But yesterday my T told me she could report them because 'they committed a crime'. Is this true? I haven't disclosed much yet and don't intend to give identifiable names...

The reason she's asking is because I felt it was important that she understood the dynamics of my trauma/'abuse'. I have been finding it impossible to communicate anything in therapy. After having a T who basically told me she took on more than she thought she was, when she learned the extent of...

This may seem like a ridiculous question when the answer is simply in any dictionary. But it really threw me yesterday when my T was doing a brief assessment and asked me to give a rough idea of the number of abusers I'd had. I answered with 'I don't know, it would depend on what you mean by...

Mine doesn't take any either. Just writes a note after. I don't think I'd like it - it's too clinical. My psychiatrist does but not the therapist.

I see where you're coming from. For me, it at least allowed me to see that I wasn't just 'going crazy' like I had felt beforehand. It helped me to understand myself and work with what I have to deal with. It's like any diagnosis - take diabetes for example - once you know you have it, you can...

Disoriented and slightly confused is how I would best term myself after one. I mainly have emotional flashbacks but a lot of the time it leads to full re-experiencing and dissociation. I don't tend to tell my T as I don't want her to prod. I feel ridiculed when she asks what I tried to manage...

I don't think you're threadjacking at all @Simply Simon - I appreciate your input. I had my session today - couldn't bring it up or tell her how badly I'm feeling. Talked about my trouble sleeping but again minimized it all. I just don't know if it's a good idea to bring this up right now -...

I'm pretty used to chronic sleep deprivation. But I still need it. I've given up on it for tonight - it's past 5am - got about an hour on and off between 1-3am. I am just so restless. I'll try a nap later on maybe.

@watundah I definitely fight crying too. It's like an internal battle where part of me sometimes wants to but then a protective part holds me back. As a child, crying only made things worse. It's seems better to shut it down now still. But I really long for the catharsis it could bring.

I seldom cry if really upset or about stuff in therapy. I feel I'm just so desensitized because I saw too much too young etc. I wish I could feel normal and just cry. I think the disconnection is all a part of the ptsd though and something we need to bring to therapy to try to work on.

But @shimmerz I was told I'm the masochist because I'm afraid my decisions will hurt/upset others. So I go outta my way to please them, even if it's somewhere I'd rather not go!

My partner wants me to be more assertive when it comes to choosing how to spend time off together. This usually amounts to me refusing to go out at all as I don't wanna be the one to make the wrong choice. I think a lot of it is down to fear of blame for me. Without the responsibility, I won't...

For my homework this week, my T asked me to compile a log of my sleep. The 1st night, I got random 5mins here and there, then maybe half an hour to an hour. After about 3 nights of recording, I scrapped writing it down as I was getting even more paranoid and conscious about it, the more I...

I'm really indecisive. It's not helpful as I'm never happy either way and it takes too long to decide so I usually go with what I think is best at the time but later realise it doesn't work long-term!

I would have been one to totally cringe if I'd seen a parent kiss their child on the lips before. But my 20month old has just recently mastered blowing kisses and kissing his favourite bear when he goes to bed. And completely out of his own initiative has started giving me or my partner pecks...

Firstly, welcome. Second, are you seeing a therapist? It seems like you need to work on yourself for a bit before you decide if you're ready to pick up the relationship again. All I can say from my own experience, is that ptsd affects you differently when alone and when with others / in...

Thanks for the validation. I'm sorry you have been through so much too. It's so messed up I know. I'm just trying to be half-normal! I don't even know how I could begin broaching this with my T. She knows minimal about me right now - keeps saying 'if you want to tell me what happened, you can'...