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I am trying. Did dbt but couldn't get to the ice before I got lost along the way. I have complete amnesia at times leaving me feeling completely beyond control. I am working with my T to try to accept that child part of me. I hate all of it so much. I hate her, what happened to her and all that...

All I can say is that I don't remember many fine details of my trauma before age 10. After that it became more brutal/intense. I would be forced to stay present and perform. Though I still felt a numbness / going through the motions, I was more aware of what was happening. Like I was watching...

I wouldn't say I have a choice in it. But I do zone out and block out things intentionally, like planned avoidance. With my old T I'd always look to a certain point on the ceiling panel and I do physical things too like scratching my face. But I think that's actually me trying to stay where I'm...

Actually sleep begets sleep so I believe a nap in the right quantity ie. power napping 30mins and definitely no longer than 1hr30min can help get you back on track. I am a chronic insomniac. That overtired adrenaline spike only gets worse when prolonged and makes it harder to get to sleep at...

I meant stepping up to help it be as painless a goodbye as possible, empowering the client to move forward. I believe any half decent T should be capable of this. If not, they should have recognised that attachment issues were beyond their scope and referred the client onward before now. It's...

I actually do self-harm when in full blown dissociative mode. It brings me back to the present so all I can do is work on trying to stay grounded, and learning better coping strategies that I'm trying to get my 'level' or present self to practice enough that they become more consolidated and...

I agree that it's next to impossible to find a trauma specific T in the UK or Ireland, private or not. My T only said this recently, if she knew of anyone specific she'd refer me straight on but there is no one. It seems like your T isn't meeting your attachment needs for whatever reason. Maybe...

Well I have not been diagnosed with DID nor do I believe I have it. This is part of what scares me. I am so confused by myself. I have PTSD with dissociative symptoms

Link Removed I never actually wrote my story... Had planned to get to it eventually but I don't think my membership statue will currently allow me add to it now. I don't think I could write a whole lot online though.. It's a struggle even trying to for therapy

Things unfortunately got a lot worse at that age, at least I was pretty much forced to be present. I relate to that in my late teens/early 20's, sleeping around and engaging in risk behaviours etc. Thankfully I learned to balance myself a bit more since

Yes I was referring to childhood experiences of taking a complete backseat in the carboot so to speak. I wonder what it is about the age difference issues? I remember everything almost fully from age 10/11, I mean I still dissociated some but I knew the facts and watched more from a distance I...

Thank you for this. It really makes so much sense.

So sorry to hear about your health issues. That's a lot for anyone to take in, nevermind having them related to traumatic origins. I relate to the feeling that you have already done your penance. When I think of PTSD I think of trauma round 2, only this time I get a shot at fighting back. But...

Wow I really empathise with your family situation and the difficulty of potentially involving social services. I would have to echo @joeylittle too and advise you to seek more support for yourself. I know you're between schools etc but maybe when you do have access could you seek a referral to...

Yes I'm generally not aware until after I come back to the present. I can then usually identify what happened just before which is helpful. I just don't seem to be able to notice it as it happens otherwise I'd try to implement some strategies I've been taught to help redirect myself before I...

Thanks for all the insights. At my last session she did check in to see if I was present when I was beginning to drift so she is getting to know what's normal for me, only way she can probably really do this is having me give feedback as well.

But in my case my T didn't notice it to point it out. That's what scares me.

So in a recent therapy session, we were onto a difficult subject. I did my best to avoid the topic, but my T, being good at getting around me, got me to discuss some of it. I just remember feeling really exposed and literally blocking her out. I don't remember anything until I'd gotten home...

Hope you can get it. My T gives me the worksheets/handouts from the dbt book and the mindfulness part brings in the wise mind idea.

I think it ultimately depends on who you get. I have worked with people that are happy to work on my goals and others that decide they know what's best. Either way you need to establish some sort of ground relationship and rapport first. I'm not 100% happy with my T. Initially she refused to...

It's really relevant actually. I don't know if you've done dbt but it's kinda similar to the wise mind idea. My T always explains in detail how the brain is affected by childhood and ptsd. That our lower primitive parts are primed even when they don't need to take action (hypervigilance) and how...

I can relate but I would advise that you tread with caution. My first T I developed this sort of attachment, transference, whatever you like to call it. I tried to address it with her but she dismissed it as something that would sort itself out. Though I never got to explain that I actually...

I know I have a harsh inner critic. Thank you. It just adds more guilt and shame everytime it happens though :unsure:

Thanks for this. Not saying it's good that you experience this type of dissociation either but it helps to know it's relevant to what we're going through as part of this. It's odd because it only got so overwhelming once I had children of my own. Seeing their vulnerability and blind trust can be...

http://m.drdansiegel.com/books/the_whole_brain_child/praise/