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Thanks everyone. I'll try all the suggestions - you guys are better than any therapist I've met yet, that's for sure!

I'm sorry you got some cruel reactions. As @Solara put it - some people are just assholes. I can relate to the shaking you had. This has happened to me a few times for no apparent reason. Or at times I just get really overwhelmed and flushed and panicky when out with a friend. It's very...

I just ate a portion of raspberries before I saw this thread. Defo going to get some organic blue-hued berries and natural yogurt for later. @Lizio my little one won't touch grapes or blueberries - forever trying but failing! I wonder if you peeled them would you loose all the goodness - he's...

I use mindfulness to try to help me to enjoy my present and avoid focusing on the past. I don't actually get bored with it as it helps me appreciate what I'm living now. That, and my life is very busy in general. But I find the past comes up itself when triggers are encountered and reminders...

Ummmm... I. Love. Blueberries. But I hated sertraline! No harm to eat em right. They're good for everything.

@Born to Run I have actually only been seeing this new T for a month now so we're still technically in the stabilization period. Though I guess she's just giving a suggestion to try to help while I'm so symptomatic. I cannot find a specific trauma therapist where I live. The closest would be the...

You can't want to love someone. It either happens naturally or it doesn't. You can't just pick any old woman and expect it to work. You don't seem to be thinking this through rationally. Actually you're being a spoiled brat - you want to stamp your feet, click your fingers to get a 2nd lover...

So it's been over 18 months since I began regularly having flashbacks and actively dissociating. The problem is that I've been in therapy, on and off meds etc for over a year now, but nothing seems to ground me. My current T is encouraging me to just allow it to happen and telling me that will...

How will meeting a woman who wants to be with you make you not feel ugly or like killing yourself? You already have a fiancé - doesn't he make you feel pretty and want to live? Again, I didn't want to reply either but I agree with above posts - you need regular therapy to deal with you...

Well it was a mess - my worst session yet. I couldn't discuss anything. Didn't show her my note even. Had a big breakdown as I walked out and then a panic attack in the car I felt so suffocated. Not feeling good right now. Didn't help that I got less than an hour of sleep last night.

@Muse I had dreadful growing pains as a child. My parents weren't good parents so it never came up. But as far as I know I am fine physically in that regard and they settled when I was a teen. I was a tall child and grew pretty rapidly. I hope it's just a growth spurt. It doesn't sound like...

Thanks guys. The problem is that every time we meet she asks me to bring up topics from the week before. This is something my last T never did. We just moved forward unless I wanted to bring something up out of my own accord. So last week when she asked about the week before, I wanted to try to...

Can you continue to see this T for general support while wait-listing a trauma specialist?

My T actually used to get me to turn my chair 180 to try see if it helped my ability to open up so it sounds like you did something naturally smart to help ground you through this difficult process. In saying that, I tend to use a scarf to hide behind most of the time lol. But like others above...

Yes @Disquieted me too lol. I have my session tomorrow at 11am. Still not sure whether or not to have a little written note or try speak. My intentions always fail and anxiety gets the better of me. I have been working the last 3 days 13hour shifts so I have barely had time to think about it or...

@ghotiff I feel I'm on the same page as you with this one, hence why I brought it up and really appreciate the varying insights from everyone. I do think it is important just to clear up misunderstandings that I didn't verbally communicate well. Though I don't want to use it for the deep trauma...

Well done finding a psych yourself. I totally get the honesty thing - I always do my best to follow through on things and I hate people who say they'll do things but won't really follow through - guess it's part of our trust issues. As for him being bothered by your lack of trust in him...

So sorry. That's sucks bigtime. Was he sick? Sorry to ask, it just sounds very sudden.

With my last T we did art therapy too and would discuss that. Or I'd write there and we'd then be able to discuss it a little. But I was never capable of reading any of it aloud. My problem stems from a period when I became mute as a young teen for a 4 year period. So going back into that...

Thanks. I used to email my last T but she then decided we shouldn't do it anymore as she felt she was crossing my boundaries in the end (probably based on an irrational outburst I had at her because I felt she didn't care enough and I wanted more from her). So I feel kinda weary going down this...

Oh I feel for you. I am with you on the insomnia - it makes therapy and trying to rationalise it so much more complicated. My last T kept insisting that I was annoyed at or angry with her. I spent so much energy trying to tell her that if I seemed angry it certainly wasn't at her, that I was...

Has anyone done this before? With my previous (and 1st ever) T, I could only communicate the important info about my trauma via writing. I have recently started with a new T. I hoped I could prevent myself from slipping back into that pattern of writing as I feel it can be a cop out and also...

I agree with @Suzetig he is not managing professional boundaries. I'm just astounded that he shared his emotional feelings with you in a text and admits to feeling 'mad'. Human or not, that is unprofessional. Even more unprofessional is to admit that he will be cancelling with you at such late...

I don't know what to say to this... Other than, maybe you should put a trigger warning in there. I really hope you're in therapy. Suicidal ideation is one thing. But a fascination with it is, well, weird as you put it.

Glad you're okay. Car accidents happen in a split second and your life may flash before you, it can be really surreal for a while. It's good if you can process it now. Just remember, you survived. Well done for sharing it all.