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  1. katz

    What did you feel like when you got diagnosed?

    Thank you sooo much for your words. You put into words for me what I have been thinking for quite a while and had not been able to put into words. Relief !! That it was not just "me" that had messed me up for all these years. "Not my fault" are words that I have to force myself to say - to...
  2. katz

    PTSD risk factor confirmation bias?

    I had been told for many years that my "mental condition" was due to me "not having it all together". I even heard my mother telling my boyfriend that I "made up stories". It was not till I was in the hospital and hooked to wires and machines that a doctor explained to me that PTSD is a...
  3. katz

    Does anyone burst into tears because of their PTSD

    Now that I'm older - I can't seem to get myself to cry! Even when I need/want to. I'm so empty inside - and afraid to let anything out. The only time, I lowered my guard and let out some emotion - I ended up in the hospital. So, I keep it all in.. I have a few songs that can bring tears to my...
  4. katz

    Does anyone burst into tears because of their PTSD

    I always go for a walk. Then I can cry, where no one sees me .. mourn.
  5. katz

    Does anyone burst into tears because of their PTSD

    Crying? What's that ! When ever I cry or even try to - all I get from other people is "stop that, it can't be that bad."
  6. katz

    Childhood I Had Plenty Of Chances To Tell

    When I told - everyone erupted at me. My whole family was yelling -again - at me. It was like being "re-traumatized". I won't do that again. :(
  7. katz

    News Worldwide impact of the novel coronavirus (covid-19)

    I'm not sure if anyone else feels this way or not. But I want to express what I seem to feel. I read an article this morning that is mentioning people that have had Covid, may feel that they have PTSD. I don't know why this bothers me - but it does. Kind of like having another person say they...
  8. katz

    Inner Kid Work

    If you don't want to go further, or your T does not want to- it's your choice. However, I have found over the years that my inner child needs to feel that they are loved and not alone. I actually sat down and wrote her a letter to tell her that I (adult me) love her and can always be there for...
  9. katz

    What helps you connect to your feelings?

    A long walk by myself, to process and relax, or cry if I need to. And an unusual one... I actually feel safer sitting on the floor. I can talk about my feelings better from there. Kind of like sitting up against a wall and feeling protected.
  10. katz

    Dentist

    Might try sitting down - away from "the chair" and talk to the dentist/doctor alone. (in your case - even by phone) When I spoke to my dentist, I asked him to take me to another room so I could explain a little about my...paranoia of the dentist. He was very understanding and told me that he had...
  11. katz

    Childhood Weird Sensation In Genitals - Body Memory?

    Thank you for saying what you did. I also don't like anything about s**. It took me half a century to finally decide to say "no" to anyone who wanted me to do anything that hurt me. (Even physically, it hurt.) I still deal with the guilt, and I'm embaressed that I don't like it. It seems to be...
  12. katz

    going to places where you were traumatised

    When I went back to one of the places that I was attacked, I found myself able to mourn and to connect with the little girl inside me. She is screaming for help, and sometimes I don't know how to help her. She was so young.....
  13. katz

    Childhood Weird Sensation In Genitals - Body Memory?

    Welcome to the forum. I'm sure that you will find that there are lots of other people who can understand and relate to what your feeling and going thru.
  14. katz

    going to places where you were traumatised

    Could you please tell me that name and artist of the song you're referring to in your post about being a "widow"? As I was growing up, I used to use a lot of music for my own therapy. I would love to hear these words that you mentioned in the lyrics.
  15. katz

    Stupidest.trigger. ever. / what is your weirdest trigger?

    When you refer to "woman with knives", are you referring to yourself? Using a knife for defending yourself? This really got my attention when I read the word "knife"--from multiple people no less.
  16. katz

    Does anyone burst into tears because of their PTSD

    Exactly ! And very well said ! Thanks.
  17. katz

    Sufferer I’ve waited 40+ years for this diagnosis - and I’ve long thought it was PTSD

    Welcome to the forum. I was in my upper 40's when I was finally diagnosed. It took a stay in the hospital for a week of being hooked to wires and cameras to prove it. I can't tell you how relieved I was when it was finally called something ! PTSD. Just being told that it was not imagined and...
  18. katz

    Vomiting from oral rape memories

    I had this same problem - same cause too. I would suggest sitting down with the dentist - away from the chair and telling him about your fears. I just mentioned that I have PTSD from childhood. He was then able to accept and understand my fears. I have ladies do most of the work on my mouth and...
  19. katz

    How to stop feeling like you are "Too Much"

    I find it very difficult to put myself first. I have always been the one who "reaches out first". I have been told by many people that I should not always be the one who "calls first". But, this just makes me more scared that they won't. I can't seem to find the middle line on when and how much...
  20. katz

    Sufferer Experienced first hospitalization with C-PTSD / Betrayed and Isolated

    I will remind everyone that an EEG is not 100% accurate. I had them for years and sometimes it was normal and sometimes not. My folks were sure that I had epileptic seizures. Even when the tests showed me as normal (if I can even consider myself that ! LOL)
  21. katz

    Stupidest.trigger. ever. / what is your weirdest trigger?

    Yes, SeekingAfrica. I have a color too. I absolutely hate the color "yellow". It took me many years to finally figure out why. It was the color of my bedroom walls when I grew up. I have very vivid memories of pushing myself up against it to pull myself into a corner. So, of course it was the...
  22. katz

    Difficulty using language to explain things I know

    Thank you Grit for confirming some things for me. One, is that disassociation blunts learning. I had always heard that most survivors have a very low grade level. I had blamed myself for so many years. I also understand that it is because a survivor is more focused on survival and self...
  23. katz

    is it obvious to other people when i am in a dissociative state?

    Mine look like I just stepped out to "cloud nine". I have a friend who knows exactly what it looks like and keeps and eye on me. One time I did it at a birthday party. She said to everyone there (all close friends) 'lets all go get a drink of pop in the kitchen so we're not all staring at her...
  24. katz

    Sufferer Experienced first hospitalization with C-PTSD / Betrayed and Isolated

    Welcome to the forum, Autumn Breeze. You sound like your doing everything you can. Keep up the good work.
  25. katz

    are emotional/implicit flashbacks always suppressed memories?

    I have had physical memories a couple of times. I didn't know what they were from till later. It usually takes me a few hours/days to figure out what caused it. It is usually something small. A smell, sound.
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