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  1. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    If you have alters or parts, how would you describe your switching amongst parts separately from PTSD specific dissociation? We had an intense experience in therapy today where we almost blacked out and one side of the body went totally numb, and we are trying to figure out if this was a part...
  2. HealingMama

    Partners helping vs hindering recovery

    Hi again. Surprise surprise, I'm wondering if I should divorce my husband. I've asked him to go with me next week to finish the paperwork. Where we live, you file but can't do the last steps til you have lived apart for a year. So, this would not be a final, permanent action. We would have...
  3. HealingMama

    Safety when there's no safe people

    How do you find a sense of safety when you're triggered AF and don't feel like there is anyone safe around? My partner is trying but I remember things he's done that make him unsafe so I am not feeling soothed around him. I have my dog and normally that is enough but the last few days it just...
  4. HealingMama

    Self Harm and Neurodiversity

    Anyone here neurodivergent? I'm trying to differentiate between self harm from emotional or trauma issues and self harm from some kind of neurodiversity issue. I think that maybe my SH is related to overwhelm and I don't know another way to get the feelings out. I'm no expert on SH. I know that...
  5. HealingMama

    Increasing internal communication

    Well, after a few months of relative stability, I had a crisis two days ago and my parts are stirred up again. I do not hear them in words. Sometimes whispers. I do not have an "inner world" that I am aware of. I do not remember my dreams. I am not good at visualization. I have tried journaling...
  6. HealingMama

    My preschool son triggers hyperarousal symptoms

    My son is a preschooler and like many he enjoys roughhousing. It doesn't always trigger hyperarousal symptoms for me, but it does at least half the time. It is worse if I have managed to get to a state of relaxation then join my family and boom, stuff is getting thrown at my face or he's hitting...
  7. HealingMama

    Safety is a trigger

    I long for a sense of safety but apparently it is a trigger for me. Or rather, emotional comfort. I had an attachment reaction today and it's frustrating me bc I finally last night felt comfortable for like an hour after two weeks or more of feeling uncomfortable around my partner. After I...
  8. HealingMama

    Medical Severe anxiety due to surgery, need support

    I am having surgery this Friday to remove a displaced IUD and I am having some pretty serious anxiety despite my Buspar. Had to take a prn. The idea of having to be made unconscious so my doctor whom I have only met once can shove a camera up my vagina is really hard to deal with. I asked to...
  9. HealingMama

    Trust and betrayal

    I am dealing with a genuine violation of trust, that my partner isn't taking seriously because a lot of my history I have reacted to PTSD related cognitive distortions around trust that make me hypersensitive. So I guess it is a boy who cried wolf situation but he basically put my life in danger...
  10. HealingMama

    Dissociating due to boredom

    My ability to stay grounded when I don't have to interact with other people, and when I don't have activities with deadlines, is suffering. I am having a hard time staying grounded due to boredom. I am not dissociating when stressed, just getting bored and staying in this yucky halfway here...
  11. HealingMama

    Nighttime/bedtime hypervigilence

    What are your favorite solutions for hypervigilence at night? Basically if there's any "loose ends" in the schedule, it is very hard for me to fall asleep. If I don't know where my partner is planning to sleep, when he's planning to come to bed if we are sharing a bed that night, if he's out and...
  12. HealingMama

    Relationship Healing relationships

    Please delete if a sufferer isn't supposed to post something for supporters to read. I found an article that talks about how to build a healing Relationship for someone with PTSD. Supporters should not feel obligated to take this on, but for those that wish to this may be informative. Healing...
  13. HealingMama

    Trying to decide if I should fire my therapist

    She has the right training but is often tired by the time we meet. I think she can't remember that I'm also a therapist so she wastes time explaining things I already know. I often feel that maybe 10% of the session is helping me but it's still fairly early in the relationship so I don't know if...
  14. HealingMama

    Blended family stuff

    Husband's ex just sent a text asking if we could take one of the stepdaughters full-time at some point in the future. How have blended family dynamics affected your recovery? I have some concerns that I'm too crazy for his side of the family to be here all the time. I will be found out. I will...
  15. HealingMama

    Emotional closeness means abuse

    While I understand intellectually that most people will not abuse me if I let them get close, emotionally this is my truth. If not abused, then certainly I will be hurt. And this ties into a belief that I can't handle being hurt in this way, and can't handle remaining connected to someone that...
  16. HealingMama

    Gaslighting, invalidation, gender stuff

    So, this might be too controversial in which case it can be deleted or whatever as needed by mods. I am trying to understand cultural beliefs and expectations and the interplay of gendered thinking when it comes to disagreements. I kind of feel like BPD is diagnosed more in women because the...
  17. HealingMama

    Safe people radar

    I feel like my radar for safe people is broken. I was just writing here the last few days about my spouse being a safe person then today he yells, gets in my face, throws stuff, slams doors, calls me names. And now he wants to just watch a movie. He apologized but honestly doesn't understand...
  18. HealingMama

    DID Awareness of an abusive part

    I was reading elsewhere about an abusive relationship and realized that my mentality about abuse is wrong. And that this is probably because of how I was raised. So I was thinking you know what, I have been abusive to my partner (emotionally), and that's really not ok no matter what the other...
  19. HealingMama

    Internal Family Systems (IFS) - How to accept your parts

    So I'm trying to accept my parts. My T is great at being inclusive. I am not. I have a hard time accepting my protector parts because they hurt others and my life. I have a hard time listening to one of my EPs that just goes nonverbal and sobs in the fetal position. I have a hard time allowing...
  20. HealingMama

    Internal Family System (IFS) - Protector part sabotages my life

    So I think I have a protector that is sabotaging my efforts at experiencing healthy attachment. It becomes very angry very easily. In my therapy last visit, the therapist wanted me to move into the feeling of a recent triggering event and I felt myself start to dissociate. So I grabbed the...
  21. HealingMama

    Negative nonverbals as a trigger: seeking solutions

    It doesn't matter how much my logical mind understands that someone's face or posture or tone of voice is probably not about me. It's still deeply triggering. This is a persistent trigger that leaves me feeling very dysregulated. The only thing that restores stability is for the person to...
  22. HealingMama

    Could use some support

    Hi. I have a therapist but don't see them for another week. I am trying to become more present in my life on a moment to moment basis. I'm able to function for my job, but honestly not much beyond that. I just don't feel like me. As soon as it was time for my lunch break all the bits and...
  23. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Trying to work on more body awareness and awareness of when my perception or stage changes. Tonight I was reading a bit about structural dissociation of the personality and for some reason was able to have a felt sense of grief. I think the parts that hold my pain realize I'm trying to not be...
  24. HealingMama

    Childhood No actual memories before dad's death

    Dad died when I was 8. Surely I was old enough to have some memories of experiences before it happened. But they just aren't there... What's there is the stories other people have told me. I was filling out a survey tonight on childhood attachment and realized I couldn't actually answer any of...
  25. HealingMama

    New layer of myself in awareness after clearing shame

    Hello. Long time no see. I'm trying to get back into therapy without disrupting my adult functional life too much. In the meantime I really need some support and this community is full of wisdom. So a couple of weeks ago my partner was very supportive as I processed, felt and released a big...
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