Search results

  1. Simply Simon

    “I come not to bring peace but a sword”: Rage and Retribution

    I have spent so many years absolving my father so that he was charged only with the crime of absence and ignorance. “No, no, no more, son of a bitch... No more happy face.” He f*cking saw it happening. He saw it. All those years of abuse? All those abusers. The years when my mother...
  2. Simply Simon

    (NC) Another Chapter of My Living Dead: Eulogy of My Father

    My father decided, somehow, maybe three years ago or more that he “wanted a relationship” with me, which was, to me, abrupt and which he pursued with sudden... aggression is my word. Zeal, maybe. It was something I knew I could not give him. Something I had already long wrestled with and fairly...
  3. Simply Simon

    I Was... Accosted? Or: Trust Me, I’m a Doctor

    Because this shit always seems to happen to me, I’m stuck trying to decide whether it’s my fault, as usual. The last time I was seriously assaulted, I didn’t even think anything of it. The only reason it glares in my memory is because my best friend was also assaulted. He got us both. Her...
  4. Simply Simon

    BTW We Got Married...

    I feel like this is not a surprise, but it is an accomplishment. Right before the wedding I bought a two-seater car. A car I can’t pack my whole life into and leave. Somehow that actually felt bigger. But yeah, it’s Mrs. Simon, MA, which I guess won’t be a thing as much when it’s Dr. Simon...
  5. Simply Simon

    My Full Circle: Self-Medication, Addiction, Withdrawal, Legitimacy?

    I’ve tried not to be super loud about my drug use here, but I also haven’t tried to hide it. When I finally caved in grad school and went to a P (the first time I did this was in college, but it f*cked me up worse), I hadn’t yet realized that my symptoms weren’t just through the roof due to...
  6. Simply Simon

    Revenge, Contempt, Spite: My Life Raft Keeps Eroding

    This should probably maybe be in my diary, but I don’t know. I feel too rudderless to dump it there. But I don’t have the energy to write it in its totality, so I suppose this is part one. I’ve always been a person of extremes, I’m told. My writing doesn’t seem to land anywhere between short and...
  7. Simply Simon

    Potential Big Girl Job Working with Family Violence

    I could have added “survivors” to the title, but I personally don’t love the term, so instead of getting even more paralyzed by deciding between survivors or victims, I’ll let y’all (yes, I’ve officially been in the South long enough to incorporate the phrase) fill in the blank. Anyway, okay...
  8. Simply Simon

    The Seemingly Endless Burden of "the Work"

    After a series of tumultuous life transitions and my major never-before-seen level breakdown in the summer, I've finally mostly stabilized. My mental health has improved phenomenally; I've probably cut back 30% on my meds after nearly doubling them for a few months. But there's still several...
  9. Simply Simon

    F*ck this Shit, Or: When I Could Post a Thread on Every Sub-Topic

    Things aren't exactly going so well in Simonland. Nothing superficial is really the matter. I mean, my job kinda sucks, but that's never really bothered me too badly before. I've had a lot of shitty jobs. Mostly my zeppelin turned to lead because I let my parents visit for the first time in 8...
  10. Simply Simon

    ED ED in Adolescence: What Would Big You Do for Youth You?

    I’m rapidly reorganizing my thinking and approaches at my new job working with adolescents with eating disorders in an inpatient/group home setting. It’s been pretty nonstop until today, as the organization is struggling to retain and regroup staff following major structural changes, and I was...
  11. Simply Simon

    New Job Working with Traumatized Adolescents with ED

    ... is maybe killing me? Maybe it’s helping me, which sometimes feels like I’m dying? I’m on the fence by the hour. Something really bad happened my first day off. The whole day was a shitshow from the start. But speaking of starting, I’m going to start from the beginning. I don’t even...
  12. Simply Simon

    On the Podcast “Believed” and My Father

    For those who don’t know, my primary—but far from singular—abuser and trauma was being sexually and otherwise abused by my elder brother of 6 years when I was between around the ages of 3-6 years old. It was regular and persistent, and his emotionally abusive grasp on me lasted well after my...
  13. Simply Simon

    Just Earned My Motherf*cking Master’s

    Nbd. -Simon, MA
  14. Simply Simon

    F*ck Rxs, or: My Psychiatric Diary

    Sometime in early Spring (March?), I began seeing a psychiatrist. A lot of people think my P is evil, a mad scientist, a quirky intellectual with a bloated god complex, or a miracle worker who lacks basic social skills. He’s extremely infamous in my work community, hence the cocktail of strong...
  15. Simply Simon

    I’m in PTSD Hell

    This is it. I’m in f*cking PTSD hell. The last time I posted, I had taken a DIY approach to @joeylittle ‘s suggestion to try Seroquel instead of trazedone (which was giving me terrible vivid nightmares). Seroquel was an answered prayer. My P called in a script. Things were good. Except I had...
  16. Simply Simon

    Oh, Right, He Has No Idea

    My boyfriend, J, has never seen me depressed or symptomatic outside of situational stress ever since I first leveled out in our relationship last summer. Even then, I wasn’t depressed, just super dissociative and anxious. Look, I know other people can’t “fix” me. But this man really taught me...
  17. Simply Simon

    ED Nourishment Accountability Thread

    So, not clear on how to give this a prefix, maybe because I’m on mobile? But this is an ED thread. Anyway, I clicked on this forum to open my own ED thread, but I saw I was in such robust company just on the first page of this forum I decided to take a slightly different tact and invite others...
  18. Simply Simon

    The Circle Is Complete

    Well, the circle is complete. I probably disappeared from here early this year, during my last semester of graduate school. My cycle has been to resurface 2-4 weeks after a semester is over, stay till 6 weeks into the semester, then bob in and out of the forum until the final 4 weeks or so when...
  19. Simply Simon

    Compulsive negative self-talk

    For about 3-4 years now, I've been struggling with compulsively talking to myself--yes, out f*cking loud--in this fashion: "You should kill yourself." "You're so f*cking stupid." "I hate you." "You should go die." &c To combat that, I argue back. Yes. Out f*cking loud. "You should kill--no, I...
  20. Simply Simon

    Victimhood and shame - letting go

    I feel I am on the precipice of releasing this enormous, weighty burden. I had really, really long hair growing up. I remember seeing my sister's long hair when I was very small and feeling envious of it, wanting to mimic it. I went beyond imitation. My hair fell halfway past my ass by the time...
  21. Simply Simon

    Communication chasm: treated v untreated interpersonal dynamics

    Okay, Forumland, I am really struggling here. Word to the mods: I feel really strongly that this is a therapy thread, not a relationships thread, although I don't get to the crux of it until the end. Move if necessary (of course). My best friend has undergone perpetual crises since basically...
  22. Simply Simon

    Sexual Assault Most recent sa anniversary

    Hello Forumland. I'm just writing to say that I'm obviously beginning to really struggle as the anniversary of my most recent sexual assault incident is upon me. Last year, I was assaulted on the Fourth of July at my friend's boss's house. There were police reports (for the first time). There...
  23. Simply Simon

    IBS Tmi re: ibs (funny)

    Okay, so some of you may be aware that I've developed terrible digestive problems likely as a result of all of the stress I've been under because of... well, my whole life but mostly school. Anyway, luckily nothing where I work is sacred, and I overheard a nurse saying that peppermint capsules...
  24. Simply Simon

    Raffle Tickets > Cigarettes

    @digger has inspired me with her raffle ticket thread. I use a vaporizer, but as I've gone through school, my smoking has increased to near-pre-vaporizing levels (almost a pack per day). This month, every day I abstain from buying cigarettes, I will pledge $5 to the forum raffle instead. Cheer...
  25. Simply Simon

    I Just Can't Cope

    I feel like I'm being tortured ala 1700s, like someone is placing enormous stones on my chest in an effort to get me to crack. It's painful and suffocating. I rarely hit a depression I can't get my hands around, at least somewhat. I have been having nightmares every night for a couple of...
Top