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  1. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and inspirations with me. It's so weird, the time I wrote that you replied to seems so far away. My husband has been totally cool for the last few weeks, mostly bc my protector isn't being aggressive towards him anymore. (I'm really thankful for that change...
  2. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Thank you. My T hasn't formally dx me with a dissociative disorder. But I basically asked for that, I don't mind being dx with PTSD but worry about possible ramifications of a dissociative disorder on my record. She's been cool about it so far. She dodges the dx question also. I gave myself the...
  3. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    So I have a diary on my phone that I am using to attempt some internal communication. I can tell that they are interested in this, bc I have felt very destabilized since early yesterday with lots of "noise" and movement. I don't know what I am doing. I am so f**** uncomfortable in my body right...
  4. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Yeah, I always thought my parts were just parts, like OSDD 1b parts. If it's possible that any of them could take over the body entirely I have to really take my time getting used to that.
  5. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Wanting to acknowledge that sometimes when I am interacting with the outside world regarding the subject of parts, there are these moments of... Harmony? Cohesiveness? Like everyone in there is happy with what I'm saying or doing? They feel seen and heard and appreciated. It's a very distinctive...
  6. HealingMama

    Just another EMDR thread. With added scepticism

    Sounds like maybe your provider should be using the "level of urge to avoid" scale rather than the SUDS scale, or maybe some IFS to separate protectors from trauma holding parts. As others said, EMDR is hard for those who are used to avoiding the affect, images and sensations, and then are...
  7. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Update... We have made some progress in therapy with the protector that generated a lot of anger and acting out in the system. It is no longer using it's role that way within our marriage. That's cool. We have done some system mapping. We have a host, a gatekeeper, angry protector...
  8. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Thank you. Today didn't feel like a struggle so much as I was leaving and didn't want to. Typing that out definitely makes it sound like a struggle, though. I've had dissociative moments like that, such as when I rushed EMDR with a new provider, but the parts conversation is a context that is...
  9. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Yeah I'm not sure I'm using technical/clinical language. I am almost always a host self sharing the body with another part that's either inside and communicating somatically or on the surface with me but I'm still here too (exception being severe fight mode stuff). Sometimes I wonder if I have...
  10. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    Thank you for sharing. Are these full switches you are describing with some amount of time loss? If you don't mind my asking. My switching is usually like an old red view master where there's a sensory click, and the affect and felt sense are all different from what came before it. But, the...
  11. HealingMama

    DID PTSD Dissociation vs Alter switching

    If you have alters or parts, how would you describe your switching amongst parts separately from PTSD specific dissociation? We had an intense experience in therapy today where we almost blacked out and one side of the body went totally numb, and we are trying to figure out if this was a part...
  12. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Update. Husband has been totally open and understanding about this secret friendship issue. We have had better communication than we have had in months. He's mostly doing all the right things. He continues to apologize for breaking my trust. There's still a lot of other problems but this one is...
  13. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    With regard to the relationship, we had a virtual marriage workshop before all this exploded, and agreed to keep communications positive. I haven't decided yet what I want to do, and I'm hoping to get more info about the other woman before I have to make a decision. We have another workshop...
  14. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Had therapy today. Told her about all of this. She notes that my experience of my relationship is very chaotic, and I do not seem like that about any other areas of my life. She is trying to help me grow in my connection to my inner truth, because I have been listening to him more over the years...
  15. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Yesterday, I discovered that calling him out on the half truth from the day before was not accurate. He actually did not try to communicate with the first person we discussed speaking to either. He acted so put upon that I'd accuse him of lying because he only did half of what I asked, when the...
  16. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    In other news, husband lied again on Monday. Caught him in the lie only when I asked him to prove what he was telling me. Then he wanted to argue that what he said wasn't a lie. I asked him to call 2 people and he said ok. I asked if he called them, he said yes, I asked what they said and his...
  17. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    I emailed my husband's parents about him almost ruining the voc rehab support to let them know that I believe a therapeutic separation will be necessary some time in the next few months due to his poor judgment and refusal to listen to me trying to protect us from unwanted consequences. Many...
  18. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Thank you. I especially resonate with the last two things you said. This isn't personal, and I should take out the trash before it stinks up the house. I am working on it. It has taken me YEARS to start to see that this isn't personal to me. For a long time I thought this was my fault somehow...
  19. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Thank you.
  20. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Thanks @JadeB. We had a conversation. The lawyer meeting probably won't happen but I am still pushing for a separation. Not out of anger, desperation or impulsivity but just... I need a reset. He doesn't see me. He makes crap decisions. He admits that he ignores me based on things that happened...
  21. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    We have an appointment with the lawyer this Wednesday. I found out he was ignoring multiple calls from the voc rehab job placement counselor, and he did it so many times she almost fired him off her caseload. I tried to discuss this with him - why it is a betrayal of trust, why it is a...
  22. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Thank you @Widow_of_one I am working on it. Currently in a "not ending my relationship" phase at the moment. He's been working more on weekends, leaving me with a sample of solo parenting, and I'm not sure I can do it almost 100% of the time. So I'm trying to make it work now. He is...
  23. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    I've heard of that the book but have not read It. My first instinct hearing you say that is to say that I can actually be pretty selfish. I got fleas from my mother. But at the same time I can definitely put up with more than I should. My husband made brunch to my specifications. I learned that...
  24. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    I'm sorry you understand elements of what that experience was like. Why on earth did your mother believe you were a psychopath? I have always been a tomboy. I don't know if I ever wanted to be a man per se but I don't act feminine very much. Except wanting to watch stuff that makes me cry, can't...
  25. HealingMama

    Piecing things together

    Happy Mother's day to the moms out there! I sent my T the description of the shamanic journey and said we don't have to discuss just sharing. I've been trying to get help interpreting it. I get conflicting information and lots of craziness, people thinking they are psychically adding more info...
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