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  1. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Also praying I'm getting more than 5 hours tonight, thatd be great.
  2. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Found this on my tablet, posting to add to the list of things to talk to my T about tomorrow, I'm going to try get some sleep now. September 3rd: Today sucked, its the anniversary of my late best friends suicide, and I happened to check Fb and the "years ago" thing, out of curiosity, a week...
  3. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Thank you Joey 💜 And thats exactly what it was, a skyscraper 🥲 (Great analogy by the way!) I Think I want to build a safe and cozy space for myself in midst of all the rubble and tall buildings, a little house with a patch of grass and tall trees, somewhere to go when the storms coming 😊 I...
  4. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Third injection last night went well, today I'm just crying as I am happy to be alive. Is it really okay for me to be happy like this? It's such an unknown feeling, is it even okay for me to be here? in the forum? I dont even know, I just know that I'm trying to figure out who this new person...
  5. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Random rant I suppose, but I finally got some fight in me again, so you know I'll use this to my advantage >:)
  6. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    And one thing, my T told me one very important thing, that made me feel a little better about myself I suppose 😊 That narcissists mirror your good, or desirable traits, so what you did essentially, was fall in love with yourself. And it made me think, maybe I'm not so bad? Idk it made sense...
  7. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Second Ketamine injection, I had a different nurse, and lets just say I didnt like her very much. I have a bloodphobia and also a phobia of needles, she missed 4 times and lets just say that blood squirted everywhere and I had a bad trip 🥲 She was also pretty cold and professional, but in a...
  8. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Ok so 2nd day after Ketamine treatment, I picked up my art supplies and started working on personal stuff, not because I had to, because I just had this deep need to create. So far, I took my sleep medication the day when I got the treatment, I slept a full 8 hours! Uninterrupted, and holy...
  9. Bubblegum

    One Thing That Made You Smile Today?

    Despite the "newfound" separation anxiety, I'm still able to be home alone. What made me smile though, was my partner grabbing my face kissing it all over, making sure I got todays 'quota', before he left to hang out with the guys. He's just absolutely adorable 😭❤ I'm so lucky to have someone...
  10. Bubblegum

    What Did You Eat And Drink Last?

    Dominos and Cola after a whole day of fasting. (It was good, but I am now paying the price 🤣 I cant handle greasy foods lmao)
  11. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Ok so update on IV Ketamine, I went in to the K hole as they call it, and oh man was it an experience, I honestly just went with it, and I felt so at ease, like I was one with everything, and at some point I just started crying, my face mask got really moist, I was crying ACTUAL TEARS. I was...
  12. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    I thought I had fixed my sleep pattern, but it only lasted for one night because I was stressing out about keeping it 😅 Contradictory much??? Anyways, I sent a message to my Ex Boss, something I've been trying to do for almost three years now, because I need my stuff for one, and also because...
  13. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    The last couple of days have been rough, somehow I was convinced my partner was a narcissist because he remembered something wrong, and I got at him and claimed he was gaslighting me. It wasnt pretty, I constantly feel unsafe in my own realationship, even though he has never done anything to...
  14. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Good thing self awarness is one I got going for me 😊 It might be a coping mechanism, but its there good and bad 💖 Currently working on my cognitive dysfunction with my therapist, so I can talk more kindly about myself, so crossing my fingers that I can start acting with more self love 🙏Sleep...
  15. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    I've been thinking about getting back to writing, it used to be an outlet of mine, and I'm not quite sure why I quit doing it. A small dramatization of what my dad told me when I was finally able to open up about my ptsd, I think due to my anxiety I expected the worst but, I got nothing but...
  16. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    thank you for the responses @ruborcoraxxx and @grief ! I've been sick for the past week (the flu) so I must apologize for the late answer. I had one "hell week" as I call it, but my head isn't entirely under water at the moment 😊I'm not sure if my PMS is making my PTSD even harder to deal with...
  17. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    I just want to stop holding back everyone, myself included. Getting my thoughts down in one place might be good for healing, I'm done being so negative and feeling hopeless. Hoping that one day I'll get over this hurdle, so that I can start giving back to the people in my life, that have...
  18. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    Holding on for today, hopefully tomorrow will be better.
  19. Bubblegum

    The path towards healing is a long and hard one

    I already have my own physical diary, but itd be nice to get it all down in one place. I'm running out of paper anyways. Today was slow, but i got up and made myself breakfast, that was good. Bf had to go to work today, not so good, home alone. I was supposed to do some chores, I should...
  20. Bubblegum

    Trying to understand why I'm doing this

    I struggle with both gambling and and workalcohism sadly. And being unable to work due to my chronic pain has made things a lot worse for my mental health too, my doctors have had no sucsess trying to figure out why I deal w this. As for the stress cup, thank you for sharing that one, I'm still...
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