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  1. Ellabella44

    You Know You Have PTSD When...

    When you point out how you don't feel you handled a situation well and your therapist says that's because your extensive trauma made you feel this situation was a threat.
  2. Ellabella44

    What Are You Looking Forward To?

    My son graduates tonight. He's my youngest. No more teacher meetings and trying to get him to do summer homework!
  3. Ellabella44

    What Do You Need In This Moment?

    Stability.
  4. Ellabella44

    You Know You Have PTSD When...

    When you want to stay in your room with the curtains drawn holding a stuffed animal not because you are depressed, but because it makes you feel safe.
  5. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    Woke up at 2 with sinus headache. Of course couldn't get to sleep and started questioning if we should put a spare mattress in my home office in case one of us (husband or I) need to self quarantine. We don't have a guest bedroom and my son has claimed the basement as his second home. I had not...
  6. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    Hugs to everyone having a bad time. To those having met milestones etc. Proud of you. So tonight what's on my mind is hoping things get better for everyone.
  7. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    @Deanna yes I went to two different ones each week before this mess started. Now I only see one of them on zoom. I haven't heard from my sponsor much. Should probably call her, but she isn't used to being home as I am. I know I would still be having problems with staying away from it since its...
  8. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    My insecurities have been loud lately. End up ruminating on the bad side of things. I'm going up on my med for bipolar. But still worry someday that I'd end up taking a psychiatric "vacation" because somehow I've gotten out of control. And I've found some new ptsd triggers. For example my...
  9. Ellabella44

    Last movie or tv series you watched?

    Better things
  10. Ellabella44

    Today my “coworker” (my pet)...

    Today my female co worker chirped and had the cookies. Thankfully while I was awake.
  11. Ellabella44

    Today my “coworker” (my pet)...

    @Muttly eww. And your co workers are weird. My neighbor said she saw my male co worker streaking down the street.
  12. Ellabella44

    Today my “coworker” (my pet)...

    My male co worker is harassing my female co worker because its spring, when he believes he is natures gift to all the girls. She hissed at him, reported his behavior to hr (myself and my daughter) and now he is in a cubicle all by himself.
  13. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    Hugs to all especially those having a hard time. My grandmother died today of cancer. My cousin called me. Since I went no contact with my mother and step father, I thought his brothers family and grandma would hate me and reject me like my step sisters did. She said I was missed by them all...
  14. Ellabella44

    News Worldwide impact of the novel coronavirus (covid-19)

    My friends in Italy are on day 38 of quarantine. A hospital in my area has just put out a call for home made masks and has sent out a preferred pattern. My daughter and I are trying to consider our options on if we have enough materials readily available to make some. If anyone sews you can...
  15. Ellabella44

    Virtual/Video/Telehealth Sessions

    My therapist uses doxy. Its hippa compliant
  16. Ellabella44

    Virtual/Video/Telehealth Sessions

    Hugs to anyone having problems with this. Last week there was a technical problem on my end. Laptop had a program that is a paid photo enhancement etc package. Read up on it and solution was to uninstall it and restart computer allowing windows to replace the program's drivers with regular...
  17. Ellabella44

    What Is On Your Mind Right This Second?

    Its almost midnight. My son was punching his heavy bag in the basement. I told him to stop (gently) because he might wake my husband. I continued in my head. -I know because he woke up one night that I was drunk and wild angry and grieving and screamed into a thick towel all of my pain I...
  18. Ellabella44

    What Are You Grateful For Today?

    I'm grateful for re connecting with friends. Our group used to play a game together online. They were there when I had a bad breakdown and stayed when a friend near me left. Its good to be able to return the favor of being there for them now especially since two are in a hard hit part of Italy...
  19. Ellabella44

    How Hyper-vigilance cured me from having the Jehovah’s Witness people from ever coming back.

    Why are they out now? That group won't be back lol. The day we were told essential personnel only we had a door to door salesman. Told him are you fking kidding me.
  20. Ellabella44

    Responses To Your Therapist That You Will Probably Never Say

    I know you love my metaphors (which I use to try to explain to another person what my experience of my symptoms is) however I will not be writing the book you are expecting me to write about my experiences. I just want to focus on my ptsd, bipolar and alcoholism and possibly surviving all 3 of...
  21. Ellabella44

    Childhood Getting spanked and striped naked waist down as a kid traumatized me

    My mother did that. Take pants off in front of other kids and hit me till she felt I'd learned my lesson. Most memorable Christmas day when all extended family were there. This happened in a room my cousins and I were playing in. And I was dragged by my arm down the hallway past everyone to...
  22. Ellabella44

    News Worldwide impact of the novel coronavirus (covid-19)

    My friends in Italy are trying their best to stay positive. But they have seen army trucks bringing the dead from next town over for cremation and burial. It was a lot of trucks. They are late 20s early 30s and showing signs of depression. So I gave him a list of what I do that helps. My...
  23. Ellabella44

    Affirmations!! say something nice about yourself!

    I can cheer up friends who are going through the roughest of times right now.
  24. Ellabella44

    News Worldwide impact of the novel coronavirus (covid-19)

    My therapist is getting ready to do teleconferences. I have asthma and an allergy / cold with normal allergy / cold symptoms so haven't gone to see her since I started feeling congested. My sponsor commented on me being socially isolated and should get out and be with people more often before...
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