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    Better left unsaid?

    I'm worried about something I said to T, that was critical of her. I've had an emotional and terrifying week, and she was very good about that. I emailed her during the week, which I have never done before, and she replied twice, very supportively. I have .never before understood why anyone...
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    Think I've just buggered it up.

    My mother had asked me to sort out some practical care for her. I found a well respected agency, but she rejected it as too costly. I was cross and said I thought she was making a mistake. She went on at length about why won't I just be nice to her. Eventually I cracked and told her why...
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    Low dose thyroxine

    I told my therapist that recently I wasn't thinking entirely rationally, and one example I gave was my thyroxine. I found myself thinking I shouldn't re-order them, because I didn't need them and was making a nuisance of myself at the doctors by asking. Then I thought I should just stop taking...
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    Therapist timekeeping

    Yesterday, we spoke about the effort needed for me to arrive promptly, which I always do. I told her I set three timers, to ensure I meet deadlines in getting ready to go. That day I'd arrived, one minute early, to find her entrance gate still locked. It was a tough day in a tough week for me...
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    To those who've been here over five years

    Why aren't you better? Serious question - plenty of people apply all the tools and get better.
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    Inner child questions

    Three things First, my therapist wants me to support and encourage this inner child when tackling something difficult. I'm focussing on cooking and getting dressed. T's suggestion of what I might say is along the lines of "it's Ok sweetheart, I'm with you , we'll do this together", but I...
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    Other DDNOS - Faking??

    I'm posting this here because it may be a DDNOS thing. Or just me. You'll see why I'm confused. In therapy I'm almost always calm, detached, unemotional. I was commenting on how strange this is. I'd been reporting a series of mind blanks, like forgetting to turn the oven on, then failing to...
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    Trigger in the way of duty

    It's completely absurd that this is a trigger, and I have to get over it and act. My elderly mother has fallen for the competition scams and clearly got herself on a suckers list, so she is getting lots of letters that promise "you have won £x thousand and and just have to..." I have told...
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    I don't think it's OK to tell your T you're worried she may be a serial killer

    This started a few weeks ago, when I arrived at her house to find a locked gate. She had forgotten to open it, but came rushing out calling to me as I tried the gate. Until then I hadn't really realised there was a six foot fence and gate, let alone one that locked. Then, the next week, she...
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    What use is insight? How does it aid recovery?

    In dramas, the new insights from therapy enable people to make dramatic changes. I find I realise things outside therapy, but I can't see what to do with them. There doesn't seem to be a way to apply them. Two recent examples We are fostering a nervous dog, who has attached solely to me. My...
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    Childhood Not so bad after all

    Today I remembered an event, when I was about nine. I bought an ice cream from a van, but as I crossed the road it fell off the cone. I returned the van, with my empty cone, explained the mishap, and was shocked that the ice cream man did not give me another. I had confidently expected that the...
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    Invisible panic - any validity?

    I appear to be sitting calmly, playing patience on the laptop and watching Gardener's World. Internally I'm fighting against running from the house in utter panic. But it doesn't show, so it must be less valid than those hysterical types who run round emoting at the drop of a hat. Self control...
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    Death Question for parents who have been bereaved

    Does completing grieving mean you no longer cry? My son was stillborn over thirty years ago. There are still times when I'm reminded of him and feel sad, or occasionally cry, about the waste, and all he never experienced. It has been suggested that means I haven't finished grieving, but I...
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    Is a body scan meant to be difficult and exhausting?

    This was the first time I've done a formal body scan, with a fairly new therapist. During it, as well as noticing my body, I was aware of my vision contracting and becoming red faded from the edge inwards. Afterwards I felt pressure inside my head, and that has stayed with me, along with being...
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    When exposure goes wrong

    Three weeks ago there was fatal bus crash, on the route I use. The driver, who I've met many times, and a passenger were killed and several others seriously injured when a lorry pulled out in front of them. I knew I had to get back on the bus, or I'd avoid it for ever, and I did today...
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    Duty not to detach

    My lovely husband woke at 4am yesterday with chest pains and difficulty breathing. He's in his early 60s, with an extensive family history of heart problems including the death of his father, aged only 50. After eight hours at the hospital we know that it wasn't a heart attack, although there...
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    I think i‘ve terminated therapy

    I’m so confused about what is happening in therapy. I thought I had gone to a specialist trauma therapist, but what I’m getting seems nothing like what I ‘ve read about. As a person she seems quite pleasant, warm and intelligent, but as a therapist she is bewildering. She is very specific that...
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    Bad response to body exercise

    My last three therapy sessions have been quite heavy, and I've found each week that I forget part of what we have talked about. T wanted to slow down a bit, and suggested trying an exercise to get in touch with my body. This is something I've long wanted to do, so I cautiously agreed. As she...
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    This helps me stick at therapy

    Just linking back to what I think is one of the most helpful, encouraging and challenging post on therapy that has been posted here " Therapist Has Gotten A Lot Smarter!" Since it was posted over 5 years ago, it will be new to many.
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    Twice a week?

    I've been seeing this T weekly for six months or so, funded by the NHS after a years-long fight. Today she told me that we now have funding for twice weekly, if I want. I'm completely torn. On the one hand, I think we could move on faster that way, which has to be a big motivation. If I lived...
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    Therapist thought i was psychic

    After a slightly difficult conversation, T and I were silent for a while. She asked "Did you find that upsetting to talk about?" I replied "No, I was just thinking about green shoes I have owned" She exclaimed "Green Shoes!!??", sounding extremely shocked, and as I started to explain that I...
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    That's new! compassion?

    I noticed that I can either think of myself "Nothing much wrong here" or "Everything is a disaster", and I have a lot of trouble inhabiting the middle ground. Stating to myself a more accurate middle view - that I have a couple of conditions and I am slowly learning to manage them - actually...
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    Why has ptsd taken away maths?

    I'm heartily sick of being unable to calculate things. I used to do a numerate job, and I have statistics qualifications. A few weeks ago I needed 120 pieces for my patchwork, divided equally between 3 colours. Somehow I calculated that at 77 of each, and it wasn't until the next day I...
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    I've explained to myself repeatedly that the bus is not unsafe. Even when it takes a diversion without warning, even if one blew over (Five hurt after Storm Doris blows over a bus in Walton Highway near Wisbech - bus also thought to have hit lamp post). I have to get on the bus, so it is safe. I...
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    Progress report

    Therapy was granted on an initial four months, to be reviewed by the NHS Trust in order to determine if I am engaging. My provider has asked me and T for separate comments on progress. At the moment I 've got "This therapy is different from that I've experienced to date. It is challenging, and...