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  1. 9

    Writing what I can’t say

    Thanks Freida. It’s honestly only the tip of the iceberg, but it’s a start I guess. I just wish I felt something aside from being hollow. I wish my anger could fuel me to do some sort of change in my life... but I just feel resignation. That this is it. This is my life.
  2. 9

    Empowering/Motivating Music

    Missycat this song is AMAZING and exactly the kind of music I was hoping to hear! Thank you for sharing!
  3. 9

    Writing what I can’t say

    I’ve been a nervous wreck the past two weeks, teetering between barely making it through the day or an all out emotional breakdown. It’s because after 2 years of seeing a new therapist I finally opened up about my PTSD. The onslaught has been cruel and relentless. I’ve been wracked with...
  4. 9

    What do you see and feel when you think of your trauma?

    I feel resigned and resentful to the loss of control over my mind and body.
  5. 9

    Empowering/Motivating Music

    I’ve noticed most of the music I listen to has been making my negative emotions more pronounced. I’m admittedly in a bad headspace right now and am overtly sensitive to everything... lyrics and rhythms included. I would love to build a new playlist based on everyone’s recommendations that can...
  6. 9

    Happiness is kinda scary

    I’ve experienced this multiple times over the years .... and am currently stuck in this. I’m sorry you’re in this cycle of fear as well, but as selfish as it sounds, I’m also relieved to see I’m not alone. The past two weeks I’ve been teetering on the verge of tears, melancholy, jumpiness...
  7. 9

    Sufferer ***Updated*** Hi, Chronic Illness & C-ptsd

    Thank you :) Thanks BlackEmerald :) it’s nice to come back and see some familiar screen names. It makes me feel like that even if it has been a long time, it’s still the safe place I remember. Thank you Eve. I know you’re right, but it’s been hard seeing the forest for the trees lately.
  8. 9

    Sufferer ***Updated*** Hi, Chronic Illness & C-ptsd

    The last time I posted was in 2013 (age 23) and figured a new introduction was in order. I was in a good place when I stopped logging in, however between 2013 and 2019 I have since spiraled. My PTSD stems from traumatic medical procedures due to chronic health issues. I thought I was on the...
  9. 9

    Rat Analogy And Over-stimulation

    This is a really interesting thread to me. I've always considered myself as a lab rat. My trauma stems from medical problems. I was literally experimented on, to an extent I still am, because of the peculiarities of my health. It started when I was 15 and now at the age of 23 I'm starting to...
  10. 9

    Relapse? Denial?

    I want to thank everyone for their replies. I really appreciate them and I've read them over and over again. I'm really overwhelmed right now and I can't reply in a manner that I'd like to just yet. I'm still pretty upset and it's hard to put together a good coherent thought. But I just...
  11. 9

    Relapse? Denial?

    So it's been a while since I last posted. Something along the lines of 5 months. I was improving. I got memories back but they were awful. And the stress made me forget them again. I was content with that. I've been getting on with my life, being healthy, getting back to school... I thought I...
  12. 9

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Proud. My mother has a hard time letting go of the reins and I just had a calm and rational discussion with her that I need to be treated as an autonomous adult. I'm trying really hard to set boundaries with her and this is a step towards that. And I'm trying to not lose the feeling of being...
  13. 9

    The "I Need A Hug" Thread

    (((Jaret))) It may be hard right now but think of all the progress you made, all of the positive feelings you've been experiencing lately. Today may be hard but don't let it get you down! Know I'm sending good thoughts your way my friend
  14. 9

    A New Relationship, Adjusting

    I'm not sure if this is out of line or anything but there's a book I recently read that's really helped me in the dating world. Most recently with an ex contacting me two weeks ago wanting to try to renew things after an ugly break up. It's called "Why Men Love Bitches" by Sherry Argov. Now...
  15. 9

    Can't Believe I'm In A Ptsd Relationship

    Honestly. I would say make yourself LESS AVAILABLE TO HIM. See what happens. See how he reacts. You mentioned this whole arrangement is convenient for him yes? Make it convenient for you now. Next time he messages you.... don't respond. Next time he asks to come over tell him you're busy...
  16. 9

    Shaking/dizzy Headaches

    That could be a lot of things to be honest. It really depends on the biochemistry of your body. I can get shaky for many reasons. One could be that I'm hungry and my blood sugar is low, I'm hypoglycemic. Another could be that I'm in a lot of pain (I have chronic pain). 3: It could e because...
  17. 9

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Weird. Happily so. I'm in a situation where I'm being forced to reevaluate the past year of my life. And I'm on the verge of tears because I'm PROUD OF MYSELF. I'm getting my act together and am moving on. Compared to a year ago? I'm a different person. I don't think this could have happened...
  18. 9

    Tell Me Something.....

    Also: I just got invisalign this Friday. It's certainly an adjustment having to wear these things all day long and having to brush my teeth immediately after eating to put them back in. But I like that no one can notice them unless I point them out. So that's pretty cool.
  19. 9

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    I'm a little shaken today but that's ok. And I'm happy that I can say that. I was in the movie theater today seeing the new Star Trek movie for a second time when I started to have an anxiety attack about an upcoming scheduled meeting with an ex BF of mine in a week. I recognized it as an...
  20. 9

    Tell Me Something.....

    I'm a big Chinese History buff. That's my college major. My goal is to graduate, move to China, and teach ESL for at least for a year. I want to live the culture and have a change of scenery. I have no idea if I'll actually enjoy teaching ESL but that's what I'm working to and I guess I'll find...
  21. 9

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    I feel .... sad. I'm having issues with an ex contacting me. I have a lot of unresolved feelings from the break up.
  22. 9

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    I'm in a very difficult emotional place right now. Despite all of this anxiety I am very much aware of and grateful to my friends for their support. Especially Bilby. I'm finally seeing my silver linings again. And I'm very happy about this.
  23. 9

    Relationship Why Did He Push Away?

    I needed to read this today. Because my ex just contacted me on fb today wishing me a Happy Birthday. He did the exact same thing, left me for an ex gf of his. Although I'm the one with ptsd. Good call Ayesha. And I feel your dilemma mrod... I really do. There's just so much temptation to open...
  24. 9

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    Befuddled. An ex contacted me to wish me a Happy Birthday today. I'm not sure if I should reply or not, I don't want him to think a line of communication is being reopened. Aside from that I'm really excited I'm leaving for a cruise later today!!!
  25. 9

    What Are You Feeling Today? Not Thinking, Rather Feeling! Can You Identify Yours?

    I really appreciate it Laurie. I finished up the short essay after walking away from it and regrouping and sent the whole application in. All that's left for me to do is wait and see if I get in. Thanks for all of your support, i really appreciate it. Who knew filling out applications was so...
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