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    Memory issues.

    Could this be a component (dissociative amnesia) why I keep getting involved with toxic people? If I sense they're toxic, I black out / forget and don't see it? I had numerous abusers from birth to 12 years old, but 40 years later, I still get fooled by unhealthy individuals. I do realize that...
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    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

    rabble-rouser
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    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

    instructions
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    Sufferer Well, here goes... Something?

    Welcome! I hope you find good connections and comfort here! I can't say that I share the depth of your feelings, but mine are enough to incapacitate me. You are among friends here. Reading others' posts can reduce the sense of isolation if responses aren't forthcoming, (Clearly, I don't...
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    regression safety

    I will sometimes hold, cuddle a pillow or stuffed animal as if it were that child. I'll ask her if she wants to tell me anything or send me some images (that's if I'm feeling pretty grounded.) But using the 5 senses is good: stomping my feet (while thinking or saying "No") swaddling in a blanket
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    One small step

    I appreciate that I'm growing- I'm taking more risks regarding people. I had basically stopped trying to make or have friends about 5-7 years ago. There's one brother I talk to 2-3 times a year. otherwise, it's just me and my T and 2 neighbors I encounter every so often. I really cut people out...
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    One small step

    Just the word "diary" is intimidating to me: expressing my thoughts and feelings, and in a public place, to boot! After a lifetime of being judged by myself and others...... In 2 and a half hours it will be 2022. I'm horribly lonely and bored, as usual, at the holidays, but what I am not...
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    Cant cry. I think i need to.

    I sing to the soundtrack of "Les Miserables" to get jump-started.
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    How do you work on shame?

    In my opinion: guilt is about something I did while shame is about who I am. Toxic shame might be when others try to make you feel ashamed. Whether or not the feelings are accurate is a whole other thing.
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    Childhood Dealing with a plethora of triggers, often unknown

    Wow! Maybe this is what my "zoning out" is all about! My inability to get even basic tasks done, even getting some water to drink when thirsty. I just can't comprehend why I can't do it. (I will when I use the bathroom, but I'll even hold off on that). My mind works, but I can't persuade my body...
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    What does T mean by this?

    There can be so many layers to pain. One layer at a time, one step at a time. And don't be frightened by that. You truly are much, much stronger than you know.
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    What does T mean by this?

    I have found therapy to be about layers. And processing things with our head is quite different from processing things with our heart. I can know something/ understand it intellectually, but not understand it in my heart if I haven't felt it yet. When I get to my deepest emotional pain then I...
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    Sufferer Learning to listen to my cptsd

    Good job gaining sobriety! The hoiday season is also hard for me. My worst abuses happened at Christmas when we went to grandma's house. I can feel triggered anytime from mid- October thru mid- January. Hope we can both find comfort here.
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    Childhood My parents wanted to kill me, struggling to deal

    I am so very sorry. I was an unwanted child, and I have found some healing when I could realize that it wasn't ME they didn't want, it was the child they had that they didn't want. I repeat- the child they had, not you. It wasn't the glorious being that was/ is you that they rejected, They could...
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    CSA stole my ability to be intimate

    Oh, boy... here goes: This is a true story, one which causes me Extreme shame because it is So hard to not think there is something wrong with me. I turn 60 tomorrow, and I am a virgin. Not because of religious beliefs, but because of the extreme nature of the abuses in my early life. Not only...
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    Resilience

    I think resilience requires hope and self-worth.
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    Being suicidal vs having a part that is suicidal

    I'm pretty new here, and am thrilled to find a place to talk about this stuff. I now understand better how to explain to others how having the thought "I want to be dead" doesn't necessarily mean a person is in danger of killing themself. Thinking about death, talking about death is healthy...
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    Depression and body aches

    I recently ran across a book discussing the link between trauma and pain. I haven't gotten it yet. I don't know if I'm allowed to name it, but it deals with freedom from pain. Good luck.
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    Ideas for Holiday self care

    New here. I have c-PTSD. I've had holiday terrors since childhood when the worst abuse/torture occurred. For over 50 years, the holidays have been an absolute nightmare. It used to start in October, but now, it's only for short periods in November and December. I get so triggered that I can...
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    Childhood What Was Taken Away From You As A Kid?

    Basically the same things.: I have no sense of safety. I've never felt like someone "has my back" Trust. I can't seem to let people get to close. I've only had a few close friends in my life. I've had no romantic relationships . Zero. I can't express the amount of terror I have just thinking...
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    When You Want To Do Things, But Just Can't ... What Is That?

    This is my first post. I have been struggling with non-productivity for years. It's been a nightmare since I lost my job 3 years ago. For me, I just feel so very, very, very overwhelmed. All I can do is zone out playing computer games and other light and fluffy, can't deal with real life type...
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    Am I Any Less Of A Person For Not Working?

    Wow! Thanks to all of you for your comments. I have been having trouble even thinking about going back to work. I, meanwhile, have been working very hard on my healing with unbelievable success. I finally am finding a good reason to live. I've been waiting all my life for these changes! I need...
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    Sufferer Unemployed And Scared. I Have Had Trouble Making Connections With People Most Of My Life

    THANK you all for your comments! I'm thrilled to know that someone else can understand this, though I deeply regret that you do! Nobody should have to endure this! I will try to get on disability. I feel like I'm being forced out of my own denial about my ability to function. I've always been...
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    Sufferer Unemployed And Scared. I Have Had Trouble Making Connections With People Most Of My Life

    Hi! I've always been different. PTSD different. I have had trouble making connections with people most of my life. I pray that I can find some connections here. I've been unemployed for awhile. I 've been making amazing progress with my healing because I have the time to put in. My abuse...
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