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  1. BIgLittle

    Constant fear of something bad happening

    Sounds very familiar. All my life I have had nightmares since 3 years old. Only time I didn’t was when I smoked cannabis Sativa, but now completly sober of all booze, drugs and even drama. And yet still processing during the night. Hypervigiliance is also when you have had traumatic events...
  2. BIgLittle

    Constant fear of something bad happening

    Sounds very familiar. I have a suicidal narcist manic depressive alcoholic medication and morfine additicted mother. I stopped counting at suicideattempt/O.D. number 15 when I was a teenager. I have accepted my hypervigilance and scanning of people, environment and situations. What helps me...
  3. BIgLittle

    What Did You Eat And Drink Last?

    Breakfast was low father yoghurt, slice kiwi, oatmeal and some cinnamon with a strong Italian espresso. Eating healthier and proportionately Lost 4 kg in 6 days. Bon appétit!
  4. BIgLittle

    Insert Swearish Rant Here

    To all the people who f*cked me over. A well meant f*ck you and you can all go to hell. Everytime you needed help or were suicidal I was the only one, even from very young age, to give a f*ck about your dispicable whiny buttholes. And when I needed help, I was on my f*cking own, even better it...
  5. BIgLittle

    Sufferer Cptsd from God knows when. Actually don't remember a time I wasn't feeling horrible

    That's ok. It's difficult with abusers when they are relaxed to you. Very complex. Then again... the day I cut off my abusers I started to heal in full awareness, which has been like living in a new, and better dimension. Traumatherapy and EMDR with a lot of selftraining of healthy coping...
  6. BIgLittle

    Sufferer Cptsd from God knows when. Actually don't remember a time I wasn't feeling horrible

    Bonsoir Givrali, Bienvenu au ce forum et encountée. ( Welcome to this forum.) Hopefully you will find support here and also a lot of dark humor. Your story has several similar traumatic topics and I just wanna say that you're not alone. Il y a encore des gens bien dans le monde. ( There are...
  7. BIgLittle

    Death Anniversary of one abuser

    I am sorry you feel this way and I hope one day you can still go to such social gatherings regardless anykind of triggering anniversaries, because you deserve to be able to enjoy all the goodness that you now have in your life. Sucks that you had to stay, then again I totally understand what...
  8. BIgLittle

    My parents won't leave my head

    Hej, This post hits home. Throughout decades I have been catering the abuse and narcism of both mother and father each in their own way. And now with my father dead and burried for over a year and since ger last suicide attempt of my mother, which led to coma and severe brain damage, whichfor...
  9. BIgLittle

    Sufferer New Here: CPTSD Diagnosis for two years after over a decade of misdiagnosis. Looks like a long road ahead.

    Hej and welcome to the forum! You're intro sounds oh so familiar to me. Glad that you've found this forum and also that you are reaching out to others. It's a welcome feeling to know there are others with a similiar story of being misdiagnosed even though it's a hell of a ride to get C-PTSD. 😀...
  10. BIgLittle

    Undiagnosed Hi, I hope to feel less alone with sexual trauma

    Hej, Welcome here. Hope you find the support your looking for. All the best.
  11. BIgLittle

    The End Game

    Hi, There are days when I feel like this and they suck. Feels like I am trying to control things that are going that are beyond my control. This exhausts me to the core. Self care seems the best way to go. Hopefully you can do some glimmer stuff that will relieve some of your stress. All...
  12. BIgLittle

    ED Accountability (eating)

    Hi, This is very ok with me. I used to be boulemic in my teens. It would sedate me to the level of apathy. Now I see it was coping with all the horrific turmoil in my young life. I still struggle with filling the vast bottomless black hole in my soul with emo binge eating sometimes...
  13. BIgLittle

    Intrusive thoughts & Rumination

    Thanks for this
  14. BIgLittle

    Intrusive thoughts & Rumination

    Thank you Arfie. At the moment I am exhausted to a point I can actually fall asleep when eating. But then again I might be coming out of hyperarousal state and off the adrenaline. Which is a good thing healthwise. Thanks again for the feedback.
  15. BIgLittle

    Childhood Hurting myself sexually...why

    Hi, I also have episodes that I hurt myself in this manner. For me it is that I rather feel the physical pain than the emotional void or bottomless black hole comong from emotional negeert,abuse, etcetera as youngling. You deserve better than hurting yourself.
  16. BIgLittle

    Missing Grandma's Hands

    Hi Sideways, Thanks for the reply. Also for the feedback on why sometimes I just do not want to be touched and automatically I think that there is something wrong with me or that I don't like the person. This also is because of my attachment disorder that was created from the day that I was...
  17. BIgLittle

    Intrusive thoughts & Rumination

    Hi, It seems that I have Intrusive Thoughts and Rumination issues. All day long and also during nighttime. Endless loops of images, sounds, sentences, words or word... And I would like to ask? How does one deal with this and eventually manage this to a point it doesn't happen everyday or...
  18. BIgLittle

    How do you answer “What brings you to therapy?”

    That is a good idea Friday
  19. BIgLittle

    How do you answer “What brings you to therapy?”

    This is something that I experience daily. And it keeps looping in my mind over and over. If someone knows what this is, could you please endulge me and give me a heads up? Much obliged. :-) then I can pick it up during my next session.
  20. BIgLittle

    Missing Grandma's Hands

    Hi, Last night I dreamed about ly grandmother who I love the most and who passed away several years ago. I couldn't be with her at the time when she passed and it seems since I started EMDR I am stunned with how much stuff I have storen away in my body, mind and soul. I was crying in my sleep...
  21. BIgLittle

    A Turn Away From Dissociation: The Association Thread

    Endorphines Inspector