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  1. Starfire

    Childhood navigating not knowing if i am traumatized but having Symptoms that scare me

    Respect your feelings. It would be nice to say x happened therefore y resulted and here's how to fix it. I wanted the last one so badly. Worked for it for years. Then appeared a (trauma) therapist who didn't seem to care much about the past. He said let's focus on making your life now better and...
  2. Starfire

    Thinking you could have saved yourself from csa

    I use to think the same thing. If only I were smarter, if only I had told someone other than the one I did, called the police, fought them off, knew to scream even tho they threatened me, could have figured out this is not normal.............. But I wasn't. My fault Then my T told me to...
  3. Starfire

    Thoughts

    Up North too
  4. Starfire

    How do i help myself???

    Think the best advice I was given was Do what's in front of you. Time for breakfast fix a healthy one. No clean clothes concentrate on the laundry. Exercise time, establish a routine. Feeling overwhelmed, slow down, concentrate on what calms you. Writing here, talk to supporters, play with your...
  5. Starfire

    I’m So Angry

    Great to hear! Righteous anger!!
  6. Starfire

    Talking about suicidal thoughts/suicidal ideation

    I've found that talking about this with anyone but a trained person/therapist only makes me feel worse. People who have never felt this way, can't understand. So then I would feel guilty and worried about them. My T agreed to schedule extra sessions and having someone, my T, willing to talk...
  7. Starfire

    I’m So Angry

    Sounds to me that it is an excuse he gives his family to say it's not my fault, it's hers. Also sounds like he is looking for a good time, not a real relationship. Nothing wrong with that as long as both people are on the same page. I have a couple friends that I can call to party with but...
  8. Starfire

    Had flashback in public

    Unfortunately those darn episodes happen. I've made up cards based on what the UK has. It says I have PTSD then Do'S and Don'ts. Originally developed to give to a first responder. But discovered it worked for me if I just list things that work for me. I can read it..like grounding: stomp feet...
  9. Starfire

    Does anybody want to join in being a routine buddy (“accountability” partner)?

    This may be a technicality... But I belonged briefly to a group that, in my opinion, degenerated into this. A competition. *I did 6 things you only did 4. I win*. I would love seeing what others are doing and usurping their great ideas. Want help to just keeping before me what I need to do. Too...
  10. Starfire

    Labels and struggling with people knowing

    Know I'm probably in the minority but I go on a need to know prerequisite. Perhaps cuz I have seen it used against people. For me it has nothing to do with shame. It's my private business. The world does not need to know. Unless it affects my job, neither does my boss. Same with acquaintances...
  11. Starfire

    Childhood Dealing with a plethora of triggers, often unknown

    Yes. I hated doing this but it did help. Keep a record for a period of time. Was having a hard time didn't know why. Wrote everything down for at least a week. As I said I hated it but it did show me some patterns when I looked back. Helped me anticipate the feelings following trigger. Who would...
  12. Starfire

    Childhood How do you deal with trauma like CSA that you aren't sure even happened?

    Was once I once heard it said that people don't make this stuff up and they don't suffer from the symptoms if nothing happened. The details may not ever be known. Exactly what cousin did exactly what, may not be relevant. May just be retraumatizing.
  13. Starfire

    Advice on telling my therapist about self-harm

    You could write it down in letter or email form. Sometimes, at least the first time, it's easier than speaking. You get to choose the words and how much or little you disclose. And for me, stay on point. Not chicken out! I've discovered there is hardly anything I can possibly tell my T that he...
  14. Starfire

    Relax and do nothing....or get up and do more?

    I make a list of things that absolutely have to be done every day. It also depends if more anxiety or depression. For me if it's anxiety, I can't sit still. I try not to interact with people but be busy. If it's depression, I rest more. I need to be cautious that I don't ruminate on something...
  15. Starfire

    I don't know how to deal with my depression

    Understand. Sitting here trying to think of a good excuse to cancel therapy today. It's raining. It's windy. Can't decide what to wear. Just not up to it. Can't lie to therapist so car trouble is out. Just last week things were great. Pig Pen's cloud over my head.
  16. Starfire

    I’m pathetic. It wasn’t that bad…

    They are just thoughts. I try to make them fleeting. Like maybe I should paint my bedroom black! Sometimes I personify them. Like 'oh you again'. Sometimes I can laugh at them although that's harder. 'Yup, I should be over it and 6 feet tall and a millionaire!' If I start ruminating on them, I...
  17. Starfire

    Where Do I Belong?

    Yes. Understand the distinction. Sometimes distance helps. It did me. But not across the country! I moved a couple miles away. Having my ability to come and go without reporting or being checked on, brought both benefits and problems. Also learned the ability to not answer door or phone...
  18. Starfire

    Achieving 'closure' - any tips?

    Think you answered your own question.....You don't trust him. Perhaps for your own benefit, you may want to write your reply and not mail it. Do it for * your* own benefit. Let me add a comment. I felt the same way about having kids. But your kids will have a gigantic safeguard. You. Perhaps...
  19. Starfire

    I’m pathetic. It wasn’t that bad…

    Was told to remove the word *should* from my vocabulary. No shoulding myself or anyone else! Yes, those thoughts appear now and again. Then I argue with myself. *I'm exaggerating* How often do I do that with other things? Etc I've tried figuring out why they come back. Thought there had to be a...
  20. Starfire

    what do you do?

    The thought is just that......a thought. Like any other undesirable thought it can be changed. Pay attention to what needs to be done now. And do it. Don't sit and ruminate on it. If you find the thought frightening, take some action. Spent time with other people, talk to a friend, tell your...
  21. Starfire

    Silence

    Was out in the country. I mean real country. My friend's 100 acres. Can't even see neighbors' homes. No street signs cuz everyone who lives there knows! No a sound, No cars driving by. No dogs barking. No birds chirping. They left me alone to show others around. Suddenly the silence became...
  22. Starfire

    Can't over prepare

    Thank you for replying. You are right. 18 days is a ridiculous ask. I only trained one thing with my dog today. He is good but as a judge, I see all the little possibly points off. He's my ADA mobility dog. Mainly picking things up for me but his trainer lives with PTSD, so she taught him some...
  23. Starfire

    Can't over prepare

    I over prepare for everything. Always have. Consider the key to being successful in my career, life. Some call it perfectionism whatever. When I retired decided to train my dog, then compete, then get a second, compete in several sports at top levels then became a judge. Know this sounds trite...
  24. Starfire

    Getting A Service Dog.

    So glad you finally are getting one! Do you know breed, name? Love to talk more when SD arrives. Mine went for further training. Now I'm learning what he knows. Sometimes wish he could just say...Hooman, this is how you do it! Know you will have a great helper. Congratulations.
  25. Starfire

    Childhood Can you block things off into different spaces

    I find it happens in layers...onion analogy. Can't get to center until pulled outer layers off. Something reminds you of something you haven't thought of before. Or some outside comment, event reminds you. Bet your therapist is very familiar with that. Doubt he would think you are lying...
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