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  1. Strangelongtrip

    Sexual Assault Is this assault?

    Hi all. I need some outside advice from someone who doesn't know me for what to do, and if I was in the wrong or right. I think I'm sort of in the wrong, but also so is the other person. A few weeks ago, my roommate and I went out to a gay bar to go dancing and drinking. I was the DD so I had...
  2. Strangelongtrip

    Abilify insomnia and general rant

    Hi all! I was recently diagnosed with bipolar I with psychosis on top of CPTSD (which is mainly in remission but occasionally I have triggers, they just usually don't affect me too badly). My doctor is tapering off my Geodon that I've been on for years (hasn't been working, been having...
  3. Strangelongtrip

    Sexual Assault Lots of changes triggering flashbacks

    Hello all, I just need a place to put this that is safe. I started my first big boy salaried position today. Excellent pay, fun work, stuff I love to do, great coworkers. I had a great first day and even when I logged off for the day I was ready for the next (it's remote too!! woohoo!!). I...
  4. Strangelongtrip

    Lost business that kept me alive

    I just need a place to let this out before I bring it up in therapy. I ran a business (started as a hobby when I was 5 years old, made it into a 46 client business by the time I was 19/20) for most of my life and lost it due to COVID. I moved from where this business is two months ago, and no...
  5. Strangelongtrip

    Fearful Attachment Style Resources

    Hello all! I just found out about fearful attachment and am sobbing both happy and sad tears because I'm realizing it's me to the very description. I crave close relationships and love, but I am absolutely terrified of intimacy. I posted recently about a friend I've gotten really close to. We...
  6. Strangelongtrip

    How to I healthily progress a relationship?

    Hello all!! I'm running on bad sleep so hopefully this makes sense. I have been talking/building a friendship with someone I met on a dating app (we were both generally looking for friends) since August. I'm moving to their location, or was planning to, with my parents. But, long story short, my...
  7. Strangelongtrip

    general bad times rant

    Hello all, I'm just having a really really bad time. Especially the last few days. I was much better for a while, but I went on a trip, and when I got back I've been so depressed and anxious. I have a psych appointment tomorrow but I've been having horrible mood swings, BPD symptoms, suicidal...
  8. Strangelongtrip

    Nothing is going right, stuck in a fog

    I haven't been able to improve my mental health basically since last July 2020. I've tried one new med, getting off another med, I've been in intensive therapy, I have a wonderful friend network, my family is relatively supportive, I just feel horrible, all of the time. I'm going to a new psych...
  9. Strangelongtrip

    Sexual Assault I want to get over it all

    Hey all, I've had some trauma come up, the last two days I've been incredibly triggered, and I've been examining my behaviors in a detached way (instead of reacting, I'm taking time and responding, and I'm SO proud of me!!) and some more stuff has come up and I feel like I have a clearer...
  10. Strangelongtrip

    I can’t feel romantic feelings/my BPD and ambivalent feelings

    Hey all!! I’m feeling really guilty and angry at myself right now. I’ve been talking to someone since August and we’re friends. Like I know we’re friends, but I would flirt here and there and they would flirt back. I thought I had feelings for them. We talk every day, video call, share deep...
  11. Strangelongtrip

    really hard night coming off meds

    Hey all! I've been finally coming off the Geodon I've been on for four years. I'm on buspar as well, recently started, and finally felt like I could get off the geodon. Throughout this month I've tapered and last night I tapered from 40mg to 20mg in the middle of also being displaced from my...
  12. Strangelongtrip

    Childhood loss of childhood home

    I'm moving this week (finally) at least temporarily. I've been so depressed since July knowing this was going to happen. I'm leaving the home I grew up from 11 to 23 in and a few weeks ago I lost the home I grew up from birth to 11 (long story, lol). It's like...I'm sad to lose it but it also...
  13. Strangelongtrip

    when I develop feelings trauma resurges

    Whenever I can feel myself crushing on someone or developing feelings for them, I start to feel afraid and angry. Afraid that they'll hurt me, and angry that by liking them most likely more than than they like me I'm giving them power over me. My main relationship trauma was five years ago...
  14. Strangelongtrip

    Feeling Disconnected from everyone

    I've noticed lately that the love and affection I feel for people, both romantic and platonic, feels like it's behind a glass wall. It doesn't feel real, I feel so disconnected from people. I know it's probably this depression episode, but I can't even feel a crush without pushing it away...
  15. Strangelongtrip

    ED ED overwhelming

    Hey all! I've been having a resurgence of my disordered eating and ED thoughts, I think it's from the stress of moving, plus pandemic plus life. I've binged terribly a few days, restricted others, and my thought patterns entirely depend my happiness on becoming thinner. I also tend to binge when...
  16. Strangelongtrip

    Childlike fear state

    Recently, mainly with this pandemic, but also back before I had a good treatment plan in place, I have these panic spells where I feel like a little child, all afraid. A lot of things with this pandemic have caused this, and I think also still living with my parents (they're fine just certain...
  17. Strangelongtrip

    I wish I could be dead already

    I've been having so many suicidal thoughts lately. Fantasizing about how I'd do it actually keeps me going because if I could just get out if it gets too much, I could just stop dealing with this bullcrap that is life. And I can think about how great it would be if I could just not deal with...
  18. Strangelongtrip

    In Apathy Mode

    I've been struggling, badly, for a few weeks. Depressive spirals (caused by negative self defeating thought patterns), relapsed into self harm, relapsed into my eating disorder both binging and restriction, having panic attacks again, and suicidal thoughts daily (and even looking up methods...
  19. Strangelongtrip

    Terrified to the point of physical illness over COVID test

    Hey everyone, I travelled recently, through COVID-heavy states, and have been quarantining since then. My 14 days are up next Tuesday. I wear a mask around the people I live with and we stay 6 feet apart. I have had no symptoms, I had a bout of dizziness and allergies when I first got back (but...
  20. Strangelongtrip

    Taste of something good, back in the mess

    I am moving out to a state in the west at the end of 2020 or beginning of 2021, and recently visited to make sure I liked it. I fell in love. It's beautiful, the weather is perfect, it's expensive but not more than where I lived for college (and honestly where I live now...is also very...
  21. Strangelongtrip

    Jealousy without feelings

    Hi all! I’ve been posting recently about a crush I had, I hadn’t met them in person yet and I did recently. When I did, it felt like a friendship. I didn’t have those feelings I had from a distance. I think it was probably mostly a “favorite person” BPD thing, which I haven’t done in years. We...
  22. Strangelongtrip

    Feeling Shame When Excited

    I've got a great opportunity to move somewhere with a new friend (who is just awesome, and I have a little crush on), and I'm traveling to see them soon. I am more excited than I've been in years, about anything. But when I get excited, I feel like I also start thinking in the future, about how...
  23. Strangelongtrip

    Can't Learn New Things

    I'm trying to learn some things and get certifications for my resume. Both times I've tried to start these cert classes, I just start sobbing because I feel like I'm so bad at the things I'm trying to learn (when I have no experience/self taught experience in them) I give up and just cry. The...
  24. Strangelongtrip

    never good enough

    No matter what I do or accomplish I'm not good enough. There's always something I can compare myself to to make me feel like I'm not worthy or deserve things. I just looked at a friend's instagram account and saw how much more engagement they had than me despite having less followers (which I...
  25. Strangelongtrip

    Death My therapist passed suddenly

    Hello all. I got some hard news today. My therapist passed away suddenly after some non-covid health problems. I'm torn up. There were things we disagreed on, but we always came back to a conversation. I and he both considered us friends. I had just finished up my sessions with him and we were...
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