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  1. J

    Therapist is Moving

    On Thursday my therapist told me she's moving to her winter location full time. We usually do online therapy half the year and in person half the year since she started spending winters away. Of course throughout COVID there's been more online than usual. So I can still do online with her...
  2. J

    My Children Getting Older - How do other parents feel with their children growing older? Anyone else triggered by children being certain ages?

    I have been quiet busy lately especially the last couple of weeks. Both of my sons has birthdays recently. My youngest turned 10 and my oldest 13. I am now the mother of a teenager. When my oldest was a baby and through preschool, we were close even when my youngest was born. We've had some...
  3. J

    Learning of Triggers and Setting Boundaries

    This weekend, I felt horrible (and not just because of the knee surgery). It seemed like I was falling apart. Looking at the Christmas tree, which normally gives me great joy, couldn't even bring me peace. I had a session with my therapist today and identified a trigger. I have slowly been...
  4. J

    Surgery and Anxiety

    I have knee surgery scheduled for this morning. I am very anxious even though through the same procedure on my right last year. I find it hard when I get anxious in these kinds of situations. Because the surgery is not in control, my brain automatically goes into panic and I seem to forget my...
  5. J

    Reconnection Here

    I haven't been on in a few years. I looked and saw my last post before yesterday was in 2018 about my precious kitties deaths. I have been working really hard on my healing journey and been doing well at it overall. I even managed to start feeling some anger and making decisions for what's...
  6. J

    Pending Sheppard-Pratt Admission

    I have been to Sheppard-Pratt several times in the past. However, it has been over two years since I have last been. I have always found it to be super helpful. I know there have been a lot of changes in the last two years. I am curious if anyone has been there more recently and can just...
  7. J

    First remus and then tonks grew wings

    While I was away at a hospital getting treatment in December, our cat, Remus, had to be put to sleep be he unexpectedly was full of cancer. He had a clean bill or health in October, so whatever the cancer what it was quick in overcoming him. Remus was more my husband's cat than mine, but when...
  8. J

    Anxious about anxiety med meeting

    I had to come off my anxiety med two weeks ago because of major swelling in my legs. We didn't immediately replace it. My med manager told me to keep a close watch on my symptoms and call if anything changed. Well, predictably my anxiety got worse to the point where I was beginning to have...
  9. J

    Taking back fall

    I was in a serious car accident in the fall. I also have other traumas from fall time and have had several close people die during the fall. So even though it's not officially fall time yet, my therapist and I have begun to talk about ways that I can "take back fall"- meaning make it less...
  10. J

    Doing better freak out

    In early July I went into the hospital for about two weeks. Since then I have been doing much better. I have been able to do things and have fun with my family. It's really been amazing. I am so afraid of this good stretch though that I had a melt down/freak out in my therapy session today...
  11. J

    What to tell your children

    I am entering family counseling with my husband and 2 boys (ages 5 and 8). My husband and I went to the first introductory session today. The subject came up as to what to tell my children about what has been going on with me because I have had frequent hospitalizations due to PTSD and DID...
  12. J

    It's not supposed to be like this

    I just got back from 5 weeks of an inpatient stay- somewhere that actually focuses on treating PTSD and DID. I got back home on Wednesday and I have been struggling ever since. I am full of suicidal thoughts, doubts, and am so tired I can barely manage to get out of bed. This is not what it's...
  13. J

    Just Three Months

    I have been home from my last inpatient stay for just three months and I am headed back. A lot of things piled up in the last month and I don't even know who I am anymore. I just have been in depression and suicide ideation/attempt mode for the last few weeks. It means leaving my kids again...
  14. J

    A Doctor With Compassion

    I have been struggling A LOT lately. Today I had an appointment with my orthopedic doctor for my shoulder tendinitis (which resulted from a car accident that start my whole spiral into what is now my life). Anyway, my doctor knows about my past struggles and my DID. She started by asking how...
  15. J

    Back From Hospital And Still Afraid

    I brought myself to the ER Tuesday after a series of recent events led me to being so suicidal I was actually thinking it out more than I have in the past and writing a suicide note. When I got to addressing my children in the note, I realized that I was in trouble and called my husband who told...
  16. J

    Walking Out Angry After Therapy

    I don't have the full details as I was disocciated at the time, but I do know I left therapy very angry and hurt apparently. I like my therapist a lot and she e-mailed afterwards to check in, but I was sound asleep all afternoon and by the time I saw the message she couldn't call. And though I...
  17. J

    So Unsure

    I went to Disney World last week with my family, my brother's family, and my parents. Most of the trip was okay. It was neat to watch the kids experience Disney for the first time. Being in Disney was magical on my symptoms in many ways. I have dissociative identity disorder along with the...
  18. J

    Therapist On Vacation

    I have known my therapist was going on vacation for awhile, but now that the time has arrived I am completely falling apart. She will be gone for two weeks. I was honestly thinking I was fine until this afternoon. I had my last appointment with her (until she comes back) today. Then, I got...
  19. J

    DID D.i.d. and conscious-switching

    I have dissociative identity disorder (DID) and have to have a medical procedure done on Friday. It's very triggering for a lot of my younger parts and for me. My therapist suggested that I ask another part to take over for me. I have used conscious-switching a couple of times before but for...
  20. J

    Seems Minor, But It's Huge

    I had an appointment with my PCP today. It was a follow-up to touch base on things in general after coming home from inpatient about two weeks ago. Every time I go there are two questions- one asks about how many days in the last two weeks have you felt little pleasure in doing things and the...
  21. J

    Learning To Set Boundaries

    I usually don't even think, I just do. If there's a family gathering, I just go to it. However, a year ago I realized that wasn't really in my best interest. When I was inpatient recently, I began to explore the idea that it's possible to say no. There's a family gathering coming up and I...
  22. J

    Transitioning From Inpatient

    I just got back on Thursday from a 5 week inpatient stay. It helped a lot. I was at a general hospital unit for 5 days before that. Now I am back at home and it's a little overwhelming. Mostly, I am worried that I won't keep up with the work I need to do with using skills and internal...
  23. J

    Wondering If I Will Make It

    From the onset of fall weather and appearances, I start anniversary time. It's not just about a car accident. I was a wife and a mother of 2 young children and within a year I would find out I had dissociative identity disorder so throw that anniversary into the mix. This time of year is...
  24. J

    DID D i d safety question

    I have dissociative identity disorder and have had several scary experience where I dissociate into another part and don't remember what I was doing. It's usually related to things like artwork, journaling, or self-harm. The self-harm bothers me the most, but I have been dealing with it and...
  25. J

    Case Managers?

    I am wondering if anyone has any experience with having a case manager. I went to the ER last night and when talking to a crisis worker as a follow-up today, I was telling her many of the things that were going on in my life right now and she suggested having a case manager to help me with...
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