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  1. Cypress

    Integration is wearing me down

    After a year of being off work, and very intensive trauma therapy, I have managed to integrate all of the split off sides of my personality. So I am whole supposedly. I hold all of my memories, I know it happened to me. I know all of the feelings are mine. I no longer feel like "we", no longer...
  2. Cypress

    Just moved in together in paralyzed by fear

    I met someone while I was serving overseas last year. We were each other's best support during a truly horrible situation: the operational environment under COVID conditions. We came back together, adopted a couple of bomb-sniffer dogs we served with and started to make a real relationship. I...
  3. Cypress

    Childhood obsessive trauma memory loop

    Does anyone else have this? Now that I am no longer dissociating trauma memories. I have one that is a fragment really that is accompanied by absolute terror and it has started playing on a loop several times a day, like a song that gets stuck in your head. I will be sitting and doing something...
  4. Cypress

    reasonable accommodation denied

    In spite of having chronic PTSD I have always been able to work at a high level. Work has often been my only connection to the outside world and the scaffolding that I hung my life on. Last year I made a bad decision to go work in a war zone to pay for my impending divorce and came back last...
  5. Cypress

    Military Think I am making my PTSD worse

    I'm not sure if this is the right prefix. If not, maybe one of the mods can make a change. I am a civilian working in an operational environment for the next year. My original trauma had nothing to do with combat and I am not a veteran. I do have decades of civilian emergency medicine under...
  6. Cypress

    Transition to teletherapy - freaked out, want to quit

    I currently see my T twice a week but I am going overseas for my job for a year and I leave next week! I get 30 days off for every 90 in the field so I will get to see my T every few months in person and he thinks it will be fine to have teletherapy twice a week while I am there. I feel like it...
  7. Cypress

    Learning to trust new T with history of therapist abuse

    I have been in denial for decades that my psychiatrist/analyst from adolescence, age 12-17, started to abuse me sexually during the last two years of our therapy relationship. It wasn’t physical so I wonder if I should call it abuse. Basically I was being treated for what was called MPD at the...
  8. Cypress

    Working in the field again and feeling really numb

    Well I do medical stuff and I have just returned to working in the field. I was really anxious going in and I even tried a little medication for calm my system. Unfortunately my first day back I had to deal with a suicide attempt that resulted in a horrific life- threatening wound. The patient...
  9. Cypress

    Is this a long flashback? A part? Kind of freaked out

    So for the past two days I’ve been having an intrusive memory from a time in my adolescence when there was a lot of trauma going. I hadn’t had access to this time in my life previously so this I thought this meant I was more connected to my parts. While I was in therapy today talking about it...
  10. Cypress

    PTSD Therapy while working in operational setting- is this realistic?

    I guess this question is for the military type folks. My work takes me to operational settings occasionally where I work with our military counterparts - not in the theater - but close. I am on my way back from home from a short trip and am realizing how much I had completely turned off my...
  11. Cypress

    Therapist talked about his problems, now I don't want to talk about mine

    Last week my T, who so far I like a lot and trust as much as I am able told me that he was having a hard day because his pet was dying. I felt bad for him and we talked about it for about 5 minutes at the beginning and end of session. I asked questions and gave advice the way you would with a...
  12. Cypress

    triggered by other therapist in the office?

    So my T shares a space with several other therapists. There is one whose office door opens right into the waiting room and he always seems to be going in and out when I am waiting for my session to start. The first time I saw him I thought "wow that guy seems really burned out, glad he's not my...
  13. Cypress

    DID how to stop switching during therapy?

    So I posted on here before that I had something like DID as child, was treated and it got better, I think. Now that I am trauma therapy, I have one alter from back then who has risen up to help me. I didn't think I was switching but I had one session where I didn't remember anything we talked...
  14. Cypress

    DID DID as a child, afraid its going to come back

    I spent a year in a mental hospital at the age of 13 for trauma-related dissociative disorder ( they didn't call it that in 1980). I was treated with psychoanalysis and it was effective for the dissociation but not really for the trauma. I just started real trauma therapy and am trying...
  15. Cypress

    Afraid To Express Anger In Case Therapist Has A History Of Being Attacked By Patients

    I have this weird worry that maybe my new T was attacked by a patient in the past and that if I express my anger or rage in a session he will get upset. I know this worry is not coming from nowhere, I seen psych patients physically attack health care providers in my job and my very first T in...
  16. Cypress

    Feel like PTSD is my shield - can’t give it up

    I just realized that in my core self- I feel like PTSD is my protection from harm. If I give up being hypervigilant and avoiding people- then something terrible will happen. I won’t be paying attentIon or will trust someone I should not and then everything will burn down. This is superstitious I...
  17. Cypress

    Is the therapist going to make me try to remember?

    I got therapy for several years in high school after I got sexually assaulted. I had psychoanalysis which was popular at the time but not a great fit for PTSD. I got better in some ways - I stopped self-destructive behaviors and negative suicidal type thinking. In other ways nothing changed and...
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