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    Reading my last thread, and how things haven't changed...(reflections)

    Just wanted to come onto here and a) vent and b) reflect on my most recent relationship. I wrote a post here awhile ago about someone I was dating (this was approximately 6 months ago, 3 months into the relationship). TLDR: We broke up. He initiated the breakup. He was crying, a lot. I didn't...
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    Sudden Anger at Partner

    Hey Movingforward10, I appreciate your input. I think I try not to just indulge in my flight response (which for me, is breaking up and cutting that person off), and is a knee jerk reaction. I took a walk and allowed my flight response to get through my body, and it helped a lot. I learned...
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    Sudden Anger at Partner

    I guess I just need to vent. I've been dating my partner for the past 3 months. I wanted to say, 'everything is great' but it's not. I like him a lot. I do. But I get angry at him, a lot too. He says I have these unspoken expectations and I'm always angry. He's not very emotionally available...
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    I really need help

    The first thing that popped into my mind when I read this was, your brain immediately flashbacked to when you were victimized, and put your body into fight mode. I'm hearing a lot of chaos in the way you write things. This whole situation probably feels familiar to you. In the interim of...
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    Not able to love anyone.

    Hi human007, I didn't read everything you wrote, it was quite difficult to follow your train of thought. But I understand how you are feeling. First, I want to say that because you're 20 years old, your brain is still developing and maturing. It's probably why your mind feels very chaotic and...
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    Unable to date at 48 in central Pa DV survivor w Ptsd.

    It really sucks that you haven't had any safe relationships. I'm glad you shared your feelings here :) It sounds like you're grieving, too. (Exhale) There are many layers to your story, it sounds like. It is very natural to want a boyfriend. I think it's a natural thing to want someone to...
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    New relationship triggering old feelings

    I get very anxious as well at any anticipated (or real) conflict) with an intimate partner. It was good to know that we can relate :) I feel very out of control when my partner/the person I am dating doesn't respond in ways I feel safe when there is a conflict. One of the biggest triggers is...
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    SleeveHeart...A Written Timeline

    January 11, 2022 I took a long nap today. I hooked up with this person, again. We had a lot of fun, and it was mutually gratifying for both of us. It felt nice to have fun, and not make it so performative, which has been my experience the whole time. I feel pangs of anxiety about whether it...
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    SleeveHeart...A Written Timeline

    It's so true. I also saw a video online where someone talked about hormones and how it affects you post hooking up. There's a baseline level of dopamine, and sometimes the aftermath makes you feel down because the hormones are a bit out of your own range. You feel the difference, basically. I'm...
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    SleeveHeart...A Written Timeline

    January 8, 2022 Within the last 2 weeks, I'm seeing someone else. I feel a real sense of shame. It feels like I'm jumping relationship to relationship. Is it so bad that I want to be with someone? Is it so bad that I know I can't be on this journey alone? I feel nauseous at the thought of me...
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    A Deep Rooted Fear of Being Used

    Thank you so much for responding. I think I needed a few days away from this person to really process, and I think it was better that we ended as friends. Every breakup is hard, for folks like us, even the ones that weren't full on relationships. It made me feel better to know that there's...
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    SleeveHeart...A Written Timeline

    12:35PM There's a homeless woman that lives around the corner to me. When my mom was alive, she came to our house once. She was okay then. She had a place to stay. Now she sleeps in a tent. I used to worry about her on occasion, wondering if I should get her some food. I'm a lot more worried...
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    A Deep Rooted Fear of Being Used

    "So it would be a bit looney to demand that faith in yourself with the experience of backing it up." You're absolutely right. It's true. The fear of falling, it doesn't feel good. I think I fight myself every step of the way when I take little risks. I mean, it is the cPTSD trying to protect...
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    SleeveHeart...A Written Timeline

    9:00AM December 28, 2021 The first thing I thought when I woke up was, about him. These non relationships really get you. They really do. I felt like an idiot for liking someone so much, but it's also my body. It's a survival thing. Getting attached is a biological processes that embeds into...
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    SleeveHeart...A Written Timeline

    11:50PM Can't sleep. Stalked his profile. And then remembered that it's no use--all the information I have about him is useless if he decides he doesn't want to be with me :/ I used to toss around the word "desperate" a lot towards my friends who liked a guy and couldn't play it cool. I think...
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    SleeveHeart...A Written Timeline

    December 27, 2021 For some reason, I felt compelled to drink wine tonight. I felt drunk the whole day already, most likely dissociated. It would be nice not to be so goddamn an*l all the time. Not to be so goddamn put together. To be a f*cking mess. How must it feel to be a f*cking mess? I...
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    SleeveHeart...A Written Timeline

    One of my goals is to start writing and sharing my work more. I am a survivor of trauma and am undergoing a metamorphosis to become an overcomer. One thing I really want to work on is sharing my writing. I love to write little stories. I might also post diary entries. Thank you :)
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    Angry with the men I sleep with. . .why?

    I hope I'm not overstepping anything here, but when you wrote that the man who calls you his "favorite", somehow I felt a power dynamic, in which he is choosing you. Are you choosing him, too? I'm not sure what of traumas you survived, but it sounds like this whole experience feels very foggy...
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    A Deep Rooted Fear of Being Used

    Very, very true. Trust is so fragile. But it is buildable, over time, just difficult. Thank you for your input.
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    A Deep Rooted Fear of Being Used

    Hmm..interesting how you mentioned the words "the one". Honestly, I don't have this idea of "the one". The only idea I'm committed to, while dating, is the idea that I'm going to grow and learn about what it means to be in a healthy intimate partnership that feels good to me. This is probably...
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    A Deep Rooted Fear of Being Used

    I've mentioned this in another reply, but, telling me what the other person is like or his intentions (he's a scumbag, he just wanted me for sex, etc.) is very black and white thinking. While it may be true that he wanted to have sex with me, on the other side, it's very normal (as someone else...
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    A Deep Rooted Fear of Being Used

    I did some reflection on the restrictions, and I put those in place (for replies) because I know that as a trauma survivor it's so easy for me to think in black and white (dump him, keep talking to him, do this, do x to get him back, do y to get his ego in check), because that "simplicity" is...
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    'Trouble with relationships'

    Hey, similar position here (and age). It's definitely very challenging. Sometimes I feel like I want to have 3 cats and call it a day. It always feels easier to hide in an emotional bunker after all you've been through. Not only are intimate relationships challenging in itself, but adding...
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    A Deep Rooted Fear of Being Used

    Hi all, this is my first time posting. I feel so self conscious writing this. I am a stuck writer and I have been for the last 10 years. I feel whatever I write is stupid and incoherent. But here goes. I met this guy online and he was very consistent in the beginning. Let me write that again...
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    Sufferer Looking for some support from others who understand and can relate to sexual trauma.

    Same. Yesterday I was walking somewhere and a guy in sunglasses told me to get in his car. I started screaming and recording him. But I've been shook for the last 2 days and I can't eat or function properly. Triggers happen and I'm learning to deal with/manage my symptoms.
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