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    December Hell Month for me

    I am sorry that this is happening to you. It's very common for people with PTSD to have trouble around the anniversary of trauma, no matter how long ago it happened. Our brain hasn't processed what happened and, on some level, believes that the trauma just happened, or that it is happening to us...
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    Death I got past my fears and did something I wanted to do ever since my dad died

    Happy for you :) It feels incredible when nothing on the list of the worst-case scenarios comes true. So relieving
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    How would you parent yourself, if you were the parent of a child like you?

    This post has inspired me to do some research (when I can handle it) because how does one even begin to help a child who has been sexually abused?? I don't know the answer to that question, but I'd like to find out. In college, I was initially majoring in childhood development because I wanted...
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    The "I Need A Hug" Thread

    Hugs to you @Defaultxlove, I'm so sorry😓💐That's my nightmare
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    The "I Need A Hug" Thread

    My long-term boyfriend's cat is very ill and I'm afraid that he's not going to be okay. Bf is leaving town so I will be responsible for taking care of the cat and dealing with the vet alone. The vet wouldn't start any treatment until we paid the $2,000 estimate in full. Basically, she said you...
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    One reason you keep going?

    If/when things eventually do get better, I don't want to miss out on a more enjoyable version of my life. If I kill myself, I will never be able to do the things I want to do that I haven't done yet
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    Other Let's talk about torture.

    I definitely relate. The happy and smug looks especially make me nauseous. I've been thinking about it for a while and I can't explain why other than because it's so f*cked up. Yeah, in a way because it's unexpected. No normal, safe human being responds to someone else's severe pain and terror...
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    Phone addiction

    I've been trying to get a handle on the same issue recently. It's hard to resist the temptation to stimulate your brain so much that you won't have a single thought about It, whatever It happens to be. I've had to delete most of my social media completely because I was just unable to use it in...
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    Other Let's talk about indoctrination and brainwashing.

    Good timing Weemie lol. This is the exact thing that I've been having so much trouble with right now. People say that all of these horrible things I believe about myself were put into my head by my abusers to make me easier to abuse and ultimately traffic, but to me, they just seem like the...
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    DID Anyone experienced full or partial DID/parts integration? How did your life change & how did you cope?

    Not too great. This new merged (?) personality has a lot of harmful beliefs about my trauma. Now instead of lurking in the background, they are what I believe most of the time. On Monday, I was telling my therapist about how any time I've been raped I wanted it or it doesn't matter what I...
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    DID Anyone experienced full or partial DID/parts integration? How did your life change & how did you cope?

    I'm also not sure if it's integration. This doesn't feel like anything else I've experienced. It does feel like my main personality and the A personality have merged, at least mostly. Almost 24/7 I'm experiencing traits from both of them at the same time, although usually, A's traits are much...
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    Memory Substitution

    I have had similar experiences. For years, I believed that my childhood was completely normal and safe. Nothing bad going on here! But I was severely depressed and suicidal by 13 years old, for seemingly no reason. I would have daily "panic attacks" where I believed that a man was coming to get...
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    DID Anyone experienced full or partial DID/parts integration? How did your life change & how did you cope?

    I get it. I've wanted to feel this way for years, but now that it's starting to actually happen for me, it's terrifying. Feeling happy is a huge unknown for me. I've been depressed to some extent for as long as I can remember, severely depressed since I started middle school. I don't know how to...
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    Freeze Response

    A few times, I've had a freeze response where I couldn't move or speak. Not being able to speak happens more often. I haven't found a way to get out of it yet, other than letting it pass on its own. I try to make myself as comfortable as possible before it fully sets in. Go to a safe place, if...
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    DID Anyone experienced full or partial DID/parts integration? How did your life change & how did you cope?

    I think I am starting to experience integration. The lines between my parts are starting to get blurry. One of my parts, A, is now the same person as “me” in day-to-day life. We think as one person almost 24/7 now and I’ve accepted her traits and beliefs as my own. This has eliminated some of...
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    Problems concerning dreamland. What to do? Is it true that dream journaling keeps nightmares away?

    Dream journaling helps me with nightmares. I find that when I write them down I can process what I was feeling that led to me having that dream. When those feelings are addressed/the problem causing them is solved, the nightmares don't come as often. When I ignore them and try to forget, they...
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    Other Let's talk about torture.

    Holy shit. The list of traits of sexual sadists. My abusers really weren't anything special, were they? That article describes them to a T. Maybe so they're the great white shark of predators, but in a sea with many other great white sharks. The part about wanting "to be her/his god" is really...
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    Stuck in therapy

    For me, it's been helpful to write a reminder note and bring it with me when there's something specific that I'd like to talk about. Also, I bring it up at the beginning of the session so we don't run out of time. Most times, I don't do this though. For me, it is just putting too much pressure...
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    Other Let's talk about dehumanization.

    I understand. I didn't think of you that way, I just wanted to comment on what your therapist said because I've heard it a few times now and think it is the truth
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    Other Let's talk about dehumanization.

    Yeah, that makes sense. When I try to think more reasonably about it I do realize that these things that people do and say that make me feel alienated are mostly coming from strangers and acquaintances, not people I'm close with. It comes from my family sometimes, but they don't know what...
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    Other Let's talk about dehumanization.

    I'm annoyed with myself for being vague and keeping their identity as a "secret" that only people who have read one specific post in my diary know. But I don't think I can handle just throwing the names around everywhere. Not yet. For reasons listed above and because I am still terrified of...
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    Other Let's talk about dehumanization.

    This thread has been on my mind a lot, in a good way and a bad way. In my own experience, when the public is aware of any part of your abuse, the dehumanization is continued by strangers long after the abuse is over. To them, the worst things that have ever happened to me are just another...
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    Small things, great victories. What’s yours?

    Had a friend hang out with my boyfriend's friends, like a normal young person! We stayed in, played magic the gathering for a few hours, and I got the details on this Dnd campaign that I may be participating in. This is the second time I've done something like this with them, probably the second...
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    Other Let's talk about torture.

    I don't think I have the capacity to get into this 100% right now, but I want to acknowledge that I appreciate this thread. I'm glad that you made it and I hope good conversations come from it. Commenting also so this gets back to the top and it won't get buried. For me, the things that they...
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    Other Let's talk about dehumanization.

    Thanks to everyone involved in this thread. I've never heard anyone talk about this before. This explains some things for me and makes me feel less alone, as much as that is possible. I've heard that it's common among child abuse survivors to feel fundamentally different from everyone else, but...