Search results

  1. O

    Relationship She has said will go to therapy for my sake…

    Thanks for your reply. No she hasn’t had a diagnosis and she would say she is just fine. She did share with me the other day that talking about stressful things makes her want to vomit. I’m much more clear I need to split up with her.
  2. O

    Relationship She has said will go to therapy for my sake…

    Hi all, this is a sort of venty processing, I welcome your input. 3 year relationship (both female). She comes from a neglectful and chaotic background. She is v functional in all areas except communication and intimacy. She has traits similar to Autism, I’d chalked up our communication issues...
  3. O

    New Relationship stuff

    Does your wife have a diagnosis of BPD?
  4. O

    Relationship Hypersexuality

    My ex, is a woman (28) who is a womanizer. History of C/A and neglect, clear pattern in my opinion, of constant numbing through activities and always onto the next woman. There are casulties along the way. I can name 7 just this year. She knows herself enough to know shortly after it begins, her...
  5. O

    General Compassion is something she can’t do with herself

    Recently I was reading a thread on here which gave a link to this Somatic perspectives on psychotherapy podcast It’s a podcast that talks about the importance of the sufferer using compassion as a tool to help integrate themselves. So, I asked my sufferer, about the time we spent together the...
  6. O

    How do you make plans and not make plans?

    How to balance a need to not make a plan - because she doesn’t know how she will feel and prefers to go with the moment - and my need to arrange meeting and not be waiting till she has the whim to see me? Does that make sense?
  7. O

    When it’s not possible to meet your partners needs... and you feel guilty and responsible... what words do you perhaps need to hear?

    Thanks, I appreciate your reply, and yes it makes sense. I guess I’m scared to push, it might (and has) pushed her away in the past. I’ve been trying poly since a bit before we got together, she is more just confused than poly... @EveHarrington when they let you yo-yo them... did it mean you...
  8. O

    When it’s not possible to meet your partners needs... and you feel guilty and responsible... what words do you perhaps need to hear?

    No I’m not, but yes I can accept it as part of the pattern. I hope in time she will trust me.... a bit.... Probably I’m contributing to the on/off, but I haven’t worked out how. I do have a strong belief though, that I stay stable and consistent, that perhaps she will walk forward to me. Because...
  9. O

    When it’s not possible to meet your partners needs... and you feel guilty and responsible... what words do you perhaps need to hear?

    Thankyou. She is the instigator of the on/off thing. We have a polyamorous relationship. She is able to have sex with people she meets and then the excitement wears off and she stops being interested in them and moves on. Broken hearts aplenty behind her.
  10. O

    When it’s not possible to meet your partners needs... and you feel guilty and responsible... what words do you perhaps need to hear?

    Thanks. Yes, there are things she is trying to do when she can. Its tricky for me, my main feeling is not feeling free in how I want to behave, holding back with affection and asking to spend time. So, what I need from her is something that she can only give in small amounts, and that’s ok -...
  11. O

    General Finding things tough today

    Hey... you’re not alone in these feelings. It’s good that you made the decision to post here rather than writing g a long msg to him that might go unanswered or be met with a negative response. Best thing you can do. Are you also focusing on doing good things for you? Like yoga or coffee with...
  12. O

    When it’s not possible to meet your partners needs... and you feel guilty and responsible... what words do you perhaps need to hear?

    Hi Everyone, My on/off girlfriend is very aware she can’t meet my needs for intimacy or spending time with me - something which I happily give space for. But it turns into essentially me waiting and trying to just be (I’m good at keeping myself busy and doing my own life). And she feels...
  13. O

    Relationship Advice request: finished relationship, feel compelled to write, unsure if useful or appropriate

    Hey there everyone, Situation is, my relationship recently finished with a person who experiences after effects of childhood trauma and neglect. Not in therapy. I work in this area so am more aware than some of my ex’s day to day living struggles. The biggest of these is the inability to bond...
  14. O

    Beyond the honeymoon phase... can you share experiences of what it is like to fall into honeymoon and then back out again??

    My ?girlfriend and I... enjoyed the honeymoon phase. And then she switched off (physically and emotionally) Thankfully I’m aware of her PTSD and able to get a handle on understanding. Through talking we have established that I am able to just wait and care, and though she doesn’t feel she...
  15. O

    Relationship Struggling with partner

    It sounds like you have a lot of insight. It’s super hard when the person withdraws emotionally and physically. I’m also in a same sex relationship. I think you’re absolutely right to recognise that mistakes you’ve made contribute to making you an unsafe person for her. I think being safe is...
  16. O

    Relationship How to deal with denial?

    Yes, I can relate to to your observations of him denying the obvious. It’s crazy making to watch. I don’t know the answer. And probably it will keep happening. I think it’s helpful to forge some language around these episodes. If you can find a friendly way of referring to them that doesn’t make...
  17. O

    What does it mean to trust?

    Trust for me (supporter) means that I can predict how someone will behave towards me. That I know for sure they will be kind and loving and if not then authentic to their feelings and mine. Anyone else can get the f*ck away ?
  18. O

    General Rant and complain thread open to all supporters

    Here is my rant for the day... last night, after I finally said I need some words.. need something...she at one point said there is nothing much for her between us.... and later said there is something and she doesn’t want to lose me. And she meant every word. She changed that quick. Said that’s...
  19. O

    Relationship Trying to dissolve resentment

    This is a vent thread. I’ve been struggling with feeling resentment. Resentful that she doesn’t want to spend time with me or feel affection towards me, or any of the things that I’m sure many supporters notice the absence of. And I’m trying to rationalise it... I’m from a stable and loving...
  20. O

    Relationship Polyamory and PTSD... makes things a bit easier but not much!

    Hey everyone, I’ve so appreciated this forum in the past. I’d like to express, vent, bleuuugh. A unique situation... I am polyamorous (which means being involved with more than one person) and currently have two partners both with a past that involves CSA, and both that exhibit signs of PTSD. I...
  21. O

    General Safe words that refer to trauma (trigger)

    I wonder if you could give me your opinion? We recently agreed on a word to say when he feels he needs to go quiet. He suggested a couple of words... one was a vegetable and the other was a surgical procedure... both highly relate to the form of his trauma (if that makes any sense without...
  22. O

    General Resisting change... no logic just stubbornness?

    So sometimes there have to be changes.... whatever it is, whether it’s getting more firewood or painting the bathroom... and these proposed changes are met with an almighty stubborn resistance... and no logic that makes sense in typical logical terms... Does this sound familiar?? How do you...
  23. O

    General Sometimes references to trauma ‘leak’ out

    No... maybe... there hasn’t been a moment where it’s been ok to verbalise this... and I wouldn’t want him to feel that’s what I want... cos it isn’t my right... it’s his choice. I do think I have a responsibility to make it clear that therapy (in whatever form) could be an option to him.
  24. O

    General Sometimes references to trauma ‘leak’ out

    He certainly knows he’s experienced trauma, I think also because it affects so much of his life (it was CSA). No he isn’t diagnosed, and I’m aware the strong reaction to diagnosing people here. To justify my belief it is PTSD I’ll give examples, it it’s so clear to me, how he shuts everyone...
  25. O

    General Sometimes references to trauma ‘leak’ out

    Without realising, he’ll make references to his trauma. It comes up a lot. But it’s like he mentions it without mentioning it... if that makes any sense. To me it seems so apparent (I never point it out). It sort of leaks out of him daily sometimes. Does this make any sense to anyone?