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  1. R

    One reason you keep going?

    Knowing how hard it’s been for my after having parents die by suicide. Not wanting to do that to other people in my life.
  2. R

    Help! No peace of mind. No joy left. Just fear. Sadness.

    It’s nice you are having a good experience. I work in the provider side of things as well (and have for 20+ years). For many insurance does dictate what is medically necessary.
  3. R

    Help! No peace of mind. No joy left. Just fear. Sadness.

    I’m in the US and we don’t have the number of visit limits anymore. However it does need to be deemed medically necessary and insurance gets to decide that. They make it hard for therapists to justify. And if you look like you’re functioning from the outside- guess what increased therapy isn’t...
  4. R

    Help! No peace of mind. No joy left. Just fear. Sadness.

    I wish I had some words of wisdom. I just came to say you’re not alone. I agree with everyone who’s saying we need something between PHP/IOP and once a week. I’m very functional from work done in my youth in more intensive programs. As an adult I had more trauma piled on and go through phases...
  5. R

    Funny TV shows? Uplifting things to watch whilst in a spiral or dealing with insomnia.

    We watched Taskmaster. It’s a British game show. I’m generally not into game shows but I love British comedy. I cried laughing practically every episode. I’ve been watching Broad City a very raunchy woman centric show about a pair of 20 something friends. I’m 40s but it reminds me of a few of...
  6. R

    Rough time of year

    I was able to talk a bit more directly about how I’ve been feeling. I also asked for extra sessions for the next few weeks. That was really really hard. It took a long time before I would take an extra session when offered. Now three years in I asked for it. I feel icky about it but we spent...
  7. R

    Rough time of year

    Many of us have the complication of parents who showed us that asking for help is bad, it's a manipulation, and is going to end in abuse. It is much safer to be the one offering to help. I can control that. COVID sucked out my ability to just give and has forced me to be on the receiving end of...
  8. R

    Rough time of year

    Thank you all so much. It sounds like a lot of you also have a hard time talking about "it" when you actually feel serious. I am grateful you all are here. I have drifted to lurking but this place gives me somewhere that I don't have to sugar coat things. You have seen it through being here or...
  9. R

    Rough time of year

    Thank you. Your last point is a good one. It’s all so hard. I feel like I make progress then hit a wall. We have an appointment tomrorow
  10. R

    Rough time of year

    A big part of why I don’t want to tell her is that I don’t want to recreate the pattern of my mother who constantly threatened suicide and in the end honestly did it as a big f*ck you to me. The other part is that it gives up some of my power. It’s like the final thing to tell her that admits...
  11. R

    Rough time of year

    Disclaimer: I’m perfectly safe right now. Does anyone else struggle with telling anyone when the suicide pull is strong? It seems like a lot of people I know are able to tell their therapist, friends, half of Facebook when they are feeling like this. have attempted once 20+ years ago. I didn’t...
  12. R

    PTSD from Nursing

    Hi there- I am so sorry to read about another nurse who has been crushed during covid. I am a nurse as well. I also started out in solid organ transplant and moved to a nursing supervisor role in a clinic after about three years in transplant. I LOVED transplant work but my body didn't hold up...
  13. R

    Dual PTSD and Vicarious Trauma/PTSD?

    I had trauma as a child/young adult. My work definitely brought its share or trauma but it didn’t tear me apart.
  14. R

    Dual PTSD and Vicarious Trauma/PTSD?

    I worked in mental health for 10+ years, then acute care nursing, then outpatient nursing with a lot of crisis intervention. I wouldn’t trade it for the world but I also couldn’t have done it without some really strong therapy in my late teens/early 20s. And when the stress of covid brought back...
  15. R

    Group and Individual Therapy

    I have been doing individual therapy for a few years now. It has been incredibly helpful. I got through an extreme flare with PTSD. This site has also but unbelievably helpful. Through the process I have come to realize how much the trauma I had as a child and adult has affected me. I have...
  16. R

    Childhood Found out abuser connected w my family

    Thank you for all your kind words. I am still a bit of a mess mentally. There are a lot of decisions to make about my next steps. There are some things I want to do to make sure that I can look back and know I did everything (legal) within my power to prevent him from doing it again. It has...
  17. R

    Childhood Found out abuser connected w my family

    I almost certain I know the line he gave them. Ex wife forced the kids to say those things. He took a plea because he’s a good dad and didn’t want to put them through a trial….
  18. R

    Childhood Found out abuser connected w my family

    My family is very supportive. I called my aunt last night. As much as I don’t like to talk about what happened, I needed to know how close she was with those people. She immediately said that pedophiles are able to flourish in secrecy and she won’t tolerate it. She called her friend (with my...
  19. R

    Childhood Found out abuser connected w my family

    Background: was sexually abused ages 9-12. Attempted to press charges but DA never followed through. Told them at the time he would offend again. Fast forward 8hrs after my report and he’s raped his children. Of course he gets off on lesser charge to save the children from testifying. Another...
  20. R

    First responders and frontline healthcare providers

    If you can stomach it check into some of the big health care organizations. My (PA) friends who were in immediate care type clinics really got the shaft. They were worked so hard. But the PAs in clinics had it easy. I harbor some resentment both for how hard they worked me and for how hard their...
  21. R

    First responders and frontline healthcare providers

    I was in a similar position until recently. I LOVE being a nurse but the stress of COVID triggered my PTSD and it became impossible to manage on my own. I felt so overwhelmed and trapped. I was still able to do the job well but it got so bad that I had a plan to end my life. It was a job I loved...
  22. R

    Feeling like I will never have a healthy romantic partner...stories from the otherside?

    I hope I didn't come off as being toxic positive. It was hard. I remember feeling all the things you listed it. I just want you to have some hope that even if it doesn't happen on the timeline that everyone else expects.
  23. R

    Feeling like I will never have a healthy romantic partner...stories from the otherside?

    I am on the other side. It took me awhile but I am here. I didn't take for most of my 20s because I wanted to work on myself. I grew up in an traumatic environment. My mother was physically and emotionally abusive. I spent a lot of years just feeling confident in friendships, doing well at...
  24. R

    How Did You Sleep Last Night?

    I have had three good nights. I am both excited and apprehensive. Excited because it feels amazing when I didn't have a long night of nightmares. Apprehensive because three nights of peace is a long stretch. It just means I am closer to another rough night. But I will chose to hold onto hope.
  25. R

    Work Changes

    I know that regardless of who you are the last few years have been rough. It doesn't have to be covid related. From the point of view of my clinic at least, we don't discount pain that is unrelated to covid.
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