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  1. Eleanor

    Therapist Dominates The Conversation Topics?

    I agree with everyone above. I will pass along the advice about finding a therapist that I got a long time ago, and has served me and others well. 1. Sit down and decide what is bothering you MOST what would make most difference to your quality of life. 2. Pick out at least 3 therapists and...
  2. Eleanor

    General Any people in a long term relationships with their PTSD partner? Do you still have sex?

    I was with my husband (cPTSD sufferer) for 16 years. The first year was great. Then when our daughter was born things got weird. He stopped having sex with me because he didn't want me to get pregnant again so... said we should wait until he got a vasectomy. Which he did about three years later...
  3. Eleanor

    Some Sad News about @Pencil

    Forum Friends, My dear dear friend @Pencil died of a stroke on Sept. 15. It was very unexpected. She was 61. I met her here on the Forum ... a long time ago, 2011? She was a brilliant thinker, writer, and researcher. She was a great mom. She was my staunch friend through thick and thin...
  4. Eleanor

    If We All Lived In The Same Town....

    I heard this yesterday.... Shimmerzville for real? The Problem with the Solution
  5. Eleanor

    Guilt

    So. Habits we understand, right @Muse? You know how to break them?
  6. Eleanor

    Inside Out, The Movie; Wow, What Did You Think?

    For me the distinction between FEAR and PANIC is really key to understanding how to deal with traumatized people. Because what soothes FEAR (retreating and getting small) can often make PANIC worse. I have a cousin who is a pediatric anesthesiologist who LOVED this distinction because it mapped...
  7. Eleanor

    Inside Out, The Movie; Wow, What Did You Think?

    I like Panksepp better because he looks at how the emotions work evolutionarily - and because there is continuity between human and other animal emotions. I also like Panksepp better because he looks at emotions as part of a whole Process....
  8. Eleanor

    Inside Out, The Movie; Wow, What Did You Think?

    Jaak Panksepp. He has done a lot of work with dogs, and then a TON of rat work. Ekman went looking for basic emotion in universal facial expressions. Panksepp thinks of emotions as "emotional response systems" that reflect complex feeling and action potential reactions to environmental stimuli...
  9. Eleanor

    Inside Out, The Movie; Wow, What Did You Think?

    Ph There is physical pain. And there is emotional pain. All kinds hurt. But they are different.
  10. Eleanor

    Inside Out, The Movie; Wow, What Did You Think?

    I haven't read all the way through this thread but thought I'd just chime in ... I LOVED this movie. I use it teaching moral psychology. I think the basic model is right (and I do think there are "core memories") But the "islands" are a device that is needed because they didn't get the basic...
  11. Eleanor

    Tentatively Popping My Head Back On The Site After A Long Absence.

    Hi @Abstract , doesn't look like you've popped in much since this... but let me add my voice to the chorus... you belong. And I ALWAYS appreciated your presence and thoughts. Communities need lots of different people and perspectives to work well. I'm not sure what your criteria for "belonging"...
  12. Eleanor

    Guilt

    Some random observations about guilt and shame. These are emotions that have certain kinds of "cognitive" content and are aimed a certain way. Shame is, properly, a feeling of detachment from oneself. It is part of the PANIC system (if I have it right) So it is about not being attached to...
  13. Eleanor

    If We All Lived In The Same Town....

    @RavenGirl do you do croissant? Real croissant? Can you do the ones with chocolate and/or hazelnut in them?
  14. Eleanor

    If We All Lived In The Same Town....

    Hi @scout86! Hi @shimmerz!
  15. Eleanor

    If We All Lived In The Same Town....

    I will have a booth... "The Philosopher is In." :happy::D It will need to be next to the ice cream parlor tho....
  16. Eleanor

    Untreated Mental Illness In A Parent - Emotional Neglect

    Emotional health, well being, is just not a "thing" for a lot of people. It is not that they don't know they lack it. It is that they don't know it is a possibility. And @Nevermore - I totally get that envy. After all, there is something WRONG there, but since there isn't when the issue is...
  17. Eleanor

    What Is Reality?

    I think you are likely on the right track with option C. And you are not at all alone in trying to sort out "the things in our control and the things not in our control." I find it helpful to be very LITERAL. Starting with basics. At what point does the world "push back." Right this second, it...
  18. Eleanor

    Childhood Parental Emotional Abuse

    Hi Malaenis, I'm sorry you have to try to sort all this out, and that any of it happened to you at all. My mom wasn't actively abusive, but very emotionally neglectful. She isn't mean. She isn't cruel. She is just... not there in a bunch of ways. Really really shut down. So it took me a long...
  19. Eleanor

    Name that distorted cognition (thought/perception)

    I've been checking back in with this, tho not writing much because I've been pretty overwhelmed, but for the record reposting the list has been really helpful for me. In checking myself, and in trying to sort out what of what my H says is the reality and what is the distortion. I do a lot of...
  20. Eleanor

    Strange Star

    Some days this is true.:dead: "freedom from worries and drives in a car..." So here is the thing - fibromyalgia seems to be a category of symptom-ology there is basically no understanding of how the thing works. That's what my quickie look at what's on the web yielded. Mr. Rheumatology...
  21. Eleanor

    News 14 Safeguards For Therapists

    Sounds like a lightweight to me. Not someone seriously involved in treating major mental disorders.... And I kind of worry about her kid - the one who she "still doesn't know why she did that." Honestly, there are not so many things that I don't eventually understand why my daughter does. I...
  22. Eleanor

    Strange Star

    Wolf some for me, but mostly Skunk. And occasionally Deer.
  23. Eleanor

    News 14 Safeguards For Therapists

    Context determines meaning. I thought it seemed pretty sensible and conservative actually - if read with the assumption that she is talking about treating ABUSERS. Granted in the following list: "Borderline, Narcissism, Schizotypal, Paranoid, and Anti-Social mandate nearly all of the following...
  24. Eleanor

    Strange Star

    I think you can sleep. And I also think you could let the hospital/hospice staff move your mother. Will it benefit her in any way if you are there? No. Will it harm you. Quite possibly. She's going to complain either way, right? Your mother is very good at not doing reality if I recall...
  25. Eleanor

    Welcome Lily - Our New Puppy

    Sending good energy to Lily, and calming energy to you guys. She is just too cute. I believe my daughter has a stuffed animal that looks JUST like her! I hope she gets better and comes home quickly...
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