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Thank you, everyone, for your responses. Very helpful. I'm short on words, still feeling raw, but you've helped immensely.

Had my appt yesterday. Was already feeling nervous and nauseous as per usual, especially when I feel like things are going to go deep. I've recently started dissociating again (apparently I did this as a kid but forgot about it) now that the mind is focused on a particular perp. Anyway, T...

I've noticed a few incidents over the last year or two or five where I've been triggered when a CSA-related something unexpectedly is said or comes up. I have felt during these times that my brain is gently being split in two, or the front half of my body is sliding off or something like that...

Yes, sorry, I did copy and paste from Pandy's and didn't think to proofread before posting here. I understand that being in a relationship with someone who has PTSD (even if they've "done the work", are less triggered, etc.) is going to be difficult at times. My question was more so for a...

Greetings all! Well, the situation is this: I am a 36yo straight female with a history of CSA/R, cPTSD, etc. Except for the abuse/rapes (which explicitly returned to my conscious mind in 2014), I could have sworn I was a virgin, saving myself for marriage. Going through the whole...

My T and I have been using IFS off and on for a few years, and it's really been the most helpful modality. Sometimes I'll be working with a smaller Part and instant body memories come up, or a problem in my day-to-day life gets resolved, etc. However, I'm wondering how much credence I should...

OK yes, I've definitely had a few full immersion blips FB out of nowhere, definitely pain, sometimes auditory as I'm falling asleep. But a superimposed bodiless... hoojibob? I had to ask.

Has anyone ever experienced "seeing" a p***s that isn't there? I'll give two examples: One was a few years ago, I was at my place of worship and, turning my head to the left, noticed an older man going into the restroom out in the lobby. I remember thinking: "Eww, now I'm picturing him in the...

I definitely believe my "family" has carried generational trauma. My maternal grandmother (and apparently several of her siblings) was molested by a few different men (uncles, mother's boyfriends, etc), never dealt with it, learned to sweep it under the rug ("it's just part of being a girl")...

Hi, everyone. So, I headed to therapy with the intention of sharing some triggery/flashbacky-type little things that happened during the week (like my daughter pushing my inner thigh slightly with her foot, resulting in immediate shooting V pain, etc). At the time, these always feel...

This was helpful/validating to read. I've read lots of experiences and have never come across anyone mentioning the ...other body having blood on it. It obviously makes sense, but I just always need to "verify" my memories through someone else's experience. Especially given my lack of...

Thank you both for your replies. Tonight my mind keeps repeating a flashback memory of him, whoever he is, trying to put it inside me, but it was soft so it just mushed and punched against my small underwearless body. The next flashback i had was a month later; it wasn't mushy then. It was...

In a weird place on this the eve of therapy. Presently remembering a flashback I had a few years ago. It is graphic and I'm going to describe it here since apparently there are no TWs for this site: Background: I was watching a Jim Gaffigan special and suddenly his jeans would not stop...

Sorry @Sideways you're dealing with this today too. My nerves are still shot, jumping at everything, plus tummy issues. Ugh.

Not sure where this post should go. Last night, following an emotional virtual T session dealing with attachment stuff earlier in the day, I had a night filled with sweaty epic nightmares that went on forever. In the first I came to find out my "origin story", or those early years of my life I...

Big, black, smoky, shadowy figure with claw-hands that grab my crotch, throat, abdomen. They sprout up bloody violent screams through my inner thighs and then cowardly disappear.

A few sessions ago, my T did a major thing and opened up about her personal life/past. She informed me that her father, and even her mother, used to "beat the sh!t" out of her and her sibling(s). She said she knows dissociation, used to leave her body, knows what that's like, a child has no...

What were the three words, may I ask?

Yes, I do have a wonderful T. She doesn't lead or suggest anything. Everything so far has been organic. And yet, I doubt.

I struggle with this so, so much because without knowing/confirming who did it, how can I ever be sure it's real?? Intellectually I know that the body doesn't lie, and I have had body memories galore that paint a very vivid picture, and you can't make up flashbacks, etc. BUT then I'll go...

I remember the acts, penetrative ones. Used to think and be terrified I was pregnant at the age of seven, knowing how babies were made. Is it possible to remember such heinous, horrendous deeds and struggle to bring the perpetrator's face into focus???? Please, if anyone can relate or has any...

I was so tired from not having slept much the night before. My dog woke me around 2:30 a.m. and I was so thankful because I was dripping with sweat from a graphic, violent CSA nightmare. Went downstairs to let him out and I was still dizzy and disoriented.

Last week my 5yo let out this guttural scream because she was angry with me for getting rid of her food she didn't want. As soon as she started screaming, I felt intense vaginal pain. I told my T about it last session, brushed it off as "maybe it's nothing". She said it's definitely not...

Thank you @Haven ! Yes, your post was helpful as well...and very validating. I have been more than stuck on that night. I've done EMDR in therapy several times for the CSA stuff, but nothing has really come up except for a few emotional flashbacks. I haven't even thought about trying it for...

Thank you so much @EveHarrington and @Justmehere for your tactful approach. I was coming back to this thread to apologize to any whom I might have offended and/or triggered when I saw your replies. I didn't have any malicious intent in asking the opinions of strangers. Yes, I could definitely...