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  1. Candleflames

    What Are You Grateful For Today?

    More travel and vacations! That my adult and teen children love me and want to hang out with me! Coffee! Both my life partners (Polyamory)! My "let's do this!" attitude!
  2. Candleflames

    What Song Are You Listening To Right Now?

    Pink - U And Ur Hand
  3. Candleflames

    Need someone else’s insight

    Hi, I'm so sorry you had been violated as a child and now again as an adult. What they did was not right and you are not to blame. Childhood trauma absolutely disintegrates our sense of autonomy, including our body ownership and our ability to understand our own consent. We do have body...
  4. Candleflames

    Now that my PTSD/ depression is getting under control I have no idea who I am and I'm panicking

    I felt like therapy broke me down into the components that made up me at first. I didn't feel like a whole person for a long time, just pieces and fragments of roles to play. I would fit myself into what I thought each role should be like as if I was mimicking the stereotype of ____. I asked a...
  5. Candleflames

    Tolerable Jobs

    Perhaps this would be a good starting point. You know something that you enjoy doing. Are there other small businesses doing similar things? Perhaps a job as an assistant to someone in the same or similar field. What else do you enjoy doing that is energizing or relaxing? Do you have any...
  6. Candleflames

    feeling desperate for positive touch

    Yeah it's basically a come in comfy cuddle clothes and after an introductory time people group up into cuddle groups. Usually there's a host that knows the guests well and has chosen compatible people to their event. I totally get the yuk factor. I do not attend every party I'm invited to...
  7. Candleflames

    feeling desperate for positive touch

    I've never had to pay for attending a cuddle party. I've heard of professional cuddlers. I just know people in the relationship anarchy camps that promote healthy touch as part of their expressing affection for all. Consent is huge and gone over at each party, for new people and old hats alike.
  8. Candleflames

    feeling desperate for positive touch

    Those are all some great ideas. Out here where I live we have cat cafes where you can borrow a kitty to pet and sip your coffee. I also like to visit the off leash dog park just to play with someone's puppers. Cuddle parties are also a thing up here. I found people for platonic friendships...
  9. Candleflames

    Marriage and PTSD

    I'm going to echo some others in saying that there is a huge difference between not understanding and willfully dismissing your illness. That being said PTSD has some unique difficulties. One is that it's invisible in that the symptoms and effects aren't always discernible to the onlooker...
  10. Candleflames

    How do you dispell thoughts that tell you you deserved your abuse?

    I'm so sorry that you are experiencing such distress right now. I spent years believing that all the abuse was my fault and that I deserved it. I honestly believed that my parents saw how worthless I was and so treated me accordingly. For years I was stuck on this. For me this was step one. I...
  11. Candleflames

    Reconciling with estranged family after apology

    I'm back home now. It's amazing how well I held it together but back home in Seattle I collapsed in a sobbing heap. My poor husband, he picked up the pieces and held me till I could be whole again.
  12. Candleflames

    Reconciling with estranged family after apology

    I did it! Things went well. We talked a little about biomom but not much and biomom didn't show. I'm just now realizing how tense I was as the pain as now set in. In a Lyft going to my grandma's house who has always just accepted and loved me and lean on me is playing on the radio.
  13. Candleflames

    Reconciling with estranged family after apology

    Thank you everyone! Tomorrow is the day I see my biological mother's sister for the first time in 13 years. I'll be there for a few hours. And will have backup and an early exit strategy.
  14. Candleflames

    Seeking adrenaline high

    I'm still working on it, sort of. I'm currently vacationing in Australia! My adrenaline rush now comes in the form of traveling. Even if it's just a weekend away or get in the car with no plans other than to go. If I can get to the ocean though I'll call down. I'll think more on this for you...
  15. Candleflames

    Reconciling with estranged family after apology

    My story is a little complicated with several abusers and a seriously damaged family. The abuse spans generations. However most of my abuse was at the hands of my father who was beat by his mother. His mother was a cruel manipulative and controlling woman who also had a hand in creating some...
  16. Candleflames

    What do you avoid at all costs?

    I moved to a different state to get away from everything! I can ovcoccasionago back but about 4 days is my maximum. After that my symptoms are through the roof. Dishes! I can't even count the number of times I got grabbed by my hair and dragged down for a beating beause I wasn't doing the...
  17. Candleflames

    Is psychosis normal after trauma?

    I too have suffered with psychotic features with my ptsd. I'll have auditory and visual hallucinations sometimes it'll get to the point of interfering with my knowing where I am and sometimes who I am. I currently take medications for my ptsd including an anti-psychotic. It has helped me...
  18. Candleflames

    Making peace with not remembering

    I too went through a period where I needed to know everything. I was obsessive and spent far too much time tracking down records from my schools, cps, criminal records and such. It took so much energy and time and in the end left me feeling disappointed. I was stuck in therapy for years because...
  19. Candleflames

    What do you look for in a healthy relationship/partner?

    Interesting thread that is very well put and informative. I like the many perspectives and I'd like to chime in. First you should know that I am polyamorous (poly=many and amorous=loving) and I have two romantic partners. I'm married to my husband of 22 years and my girlfriend and I have been...
  20. Candleflames

    What Are You Grateful For Today?

    beautiful expressive music of all kinds
  21. Candleflames

    Too worthless for food

    Thank you for your understanding. I think it does have some to do with self-esteem. I was the demonized child, the ugly, stupid, useless mistake. Food was also both used to punish or demonstrate admiration. It was withheld when I was in trouble, sometimes for days, then to demonstrate to the...
  22. Candleflames

    Childhood But it wasn't all bad

    Since my dad died a few months ago I've been feeling especially disconnected and empty. I've come to accept that the abuse did happen and was bad enough to cause ptsd, intellectually at least. Lately I keep going over my childhood and thinking "but it wasn't all bad". There were ice creams and...
  23. Candleflames

    Little things you like

    Blowing bubbles on a snowy night!
  24. Candleflames

    Little things you like

    The scent of lavander, jasmine, and cherry blossoms. The sound of rain Fresh clean sheets Mooching the doggie love from the neighbors dogs Bare feet A refreshing shower Knowing that there are 4 people who will drop everything if I have a ptsd "episode" Looking at my tattoos and reminiscing their...
  25. Candleflames

    What are your personal epiphanies?

    My biggest epiphany happened in therapy. It dawned on me that I wasn't to blame. That I was a child and no matter how "difficult" of a child I was, it wasn't my fault. With gaining that insight I released the shame and embarrassment I had been holding on to. It freed me to relax. The next...
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