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  1. BlueWeepingRose

    Does Your Body Shake When You Talk About Trauma?

    Last night my body was shaking as I was talking to my Mom about my father, and the SA that's he's done to me when I was a child. I didn't want to tell her about the shakes, because she's stressing out a lot as it is. Does your body shake when you talk about trauma? This is the first time it's...
  2. BlueWeepingRose

    Dom Violence I still have guilt and shame over sexual assault

    It still affects me deeply. I'm so glad I'm in therapy and my therapist has been helping. The more I talk with her about it, the I can see how abusive my ex-boyfriend was, but I still have guilt and shame over the SA, there are times when I feel disgusting and I can't look at myself in the...
  3. BlueWeepingRose

    I broke down over the weekend

    This has been long overdue but I thought the need to mention this before I forget. This past weekend I broke down and was sobbing. It was so severe that my body was shaking and I couldn't stop crying. It just kept coming and coming. Things are improving with my therapist, but I can tell...
  4. BlueWeepingRose

    Sleeping half the day after opening up

    I've been opening up more to my T about everything. My last session was the other day. Today I slept halfway through the day. It could be because I'm so worn out by everything. My PTSD symptoms are getting better. This is something I'm noticing the more I open up about what happened to me with...
  5. BlueWeepingRose

    Deeply Depressed

    Right now things are hard, I'm going to therapy and facing everything, but right now I'm struggling with how I'm feeling. I feel completely numb and sad about everything. At this moment I'm also dealing with grief and it's hard for people to understand. I haven't talked to many of my friends...
  6. BlueWeepingRose

    Relationship Anxiety and Triggers

    I tried to start a new relationship. Everything was going great between both of us, he wanted a serious relationship and I wanted the same thing. We we're together for a few months even. I think I may have trusted him too much though because he ended up breaking up with me, and I didn't see this...
  7. BlueWeepingRose

    Nervous tremors

    Ever since I got of my abusive relationship a few years ago, I noticed I get lots of tremors, especially with my legs. My legs will constantly shake up and down, until my Mom tells me to stop or someone mentions it to me. My brother has noticed it through the process of my healing. It's gotten...
  8. BlueWeepingRose

    Depression and Isolation

    This is a symptom that I've been feeling for a very long time now. Depressed and isolating myself from the outside world. Because I feel like I can't trust anyone anymore, I have no idea who to trust or know who's okay to talk too. Survivor of Domestic Violence and he did so much to me, that I'm...
  9. BlueWeepingRose

    Trust Issues and Anger

    I have such a hard time trusting people. It's as if I am always looking for triggers and thinking the person is going to do me hard. Sometimes when I think something bad is gonna happen, I can feel myself slipping away and dissociating. Pretty soon I am angry, moody, and assume the absolute...
  10. BlueWeepingRose

    My thoughts on my Family

    I'm getting a therapist soon, I'm relieved about this. I told my Mom about it for the longest time and she sort of downplayed everything. Does anyone else feel more alone when they're around family? I feel misunderstood around my family due to my abuse. They all want me to simply get over it...
  11. BlueWeepingRose

    I feel dead inside

    I feel like I am already dead, I know this sounds dramatic but it's how I feel. I'm always in pain, crying, feeling alone, having panic attacks, and looking over my shoulder. No longer feel safe and don't know who to trust anymore. I keep blaming myself for being raped and feeling stupid for...
  12. BlueWeepingRose

    Panic Attacks happening more

    I noticed my Panic Attacks are increasing. I'm healing and I know I am getting better, now Panic Attacks are happening. No longer feel numb, which is good, I felt numb for almost two years after being raped. Now I am feeling panic attacks, so I think I may have to start to meditate more...
  13. BlueWeepingRose

    Grinding my Teeth

    Due to me getting abused by my ex boyfriend, I've been grinding my teeth a lot. I don't even realize that I'm doing it. My niece has been staying over here ever since she was younger and has woken me up and told me that I've been grinding my teeth a lot. Told my Mom that I need a sleep guard...
  14. BlueWeepingRose

    Dom Violence I am picking up on my triggers

    Lately I'm beginning to pick up on my triggers. Most of it has to do relating with my ex and the things he loved to do to me. I remember as I was with him, he would always put his hand on my butt, all the time. It became almost bothersome after awhile because he would be right near me, like...
  15. BlueWeepingRose

    Sexual Assault Anniversary is coming up

    I never had an Anniversary come up before. Especially where I knew what it was about. This is the first time that it's happened to me. It's all relating to what happened to me, rape by my ex. Remember everything so clearly and I remember sitting down listening to music and I remember my heart...
  16. BlueWeepingRose

    Will I ever be able to feel safe again?

    I want to be able to feel safe again, for me it's scary. My ex was a Narcissist. I know not everyone is like this, but sometimes I overthink too much and constantly feel fear, not able to know who to trust. There's some days where I feel okay. Than I get triggered by words and I cry and panic...
  17. BlueWeepingRose

    Dom Violence I had a trigger this week, it confused me...

    I was talking to one of my brother's friends on the phone. He's been comforting me about my brother's death for awhile. Only he did something that triggered me. My ex always acted hot and cold towards me, I was noticing it with my brother's friend. My mind gets confused sometimes, especially...
  18. BlueWeepingRose

    PTSD and Anxiety

    Anxiety will randomly come to me at the most random times, I have no idea where it comes from either. If people asked me what am I so nervous aboout... I literally have no idea why. My body will just shake and I keep myself guarded. There's times where I sort of sit very close together and keep...
  19. BlueWeepingRose

    Horror Movies and PTSD

    Many people wouldn't watch horror movies. For me Horror Movies help me. This may sound strange to everyone. For me, it's an escape. I can watch something where it takes my mind off of things. None of it triggers me which scares me, but I always feel relief watching them because I sort of can...
  20. BlueWeepingRose

    Sexual Assault I feel like I'm in a dark hole

    My life is forever changed, I don't feel like the same person anymore. I have a hard time trusting people. There's many men who I feel attracted too, but when we get close, I freak out and flashback's start coming. There's also been times where I will shake, break down crying and I feel like I'm...
  21. BlueWeepingRose

    Feeling lonely this year...

    I'm feeling very lonely this year. So many things is happening. After the death of my brother, I'm unable to feel happy and my PTSD has gotten worse due to his death. My mood swings are all over the place, I'm either happy or sad, there's no in between. Today is a good day, tomorrow I can be...
  22. BlueWeepingRose

    Relationship with niece is changing

    Ever since my brother has been gone, my niece has been avoiding me. I miss my brother very much and been crying a lot. I'm constantly worrying about her and hoping she's okay. Now I feel like our relationship has changed because the death of my brother. She's very distant and not very friendly...
  23. BlueWeepingRose

    Death Loss of my brother

    My body has been shaking and I've been having lots of anxiety since I found out about the death of my older brother. There's times where I've been dissociating and I feel like I'm in a dream state. I feel like this is all a big dream. My older brother committed suicide on the 27th of this month...
  24. BlueWeepingRose

    I avoid sex

    I avoid sex. I know this is too much info, but once I masturbated and I cried afterwards. Than my whole body started shaking. So now I try to avoid sex or masturbating. There's guys I like or who I'm attracted too but I'm scared that they'll use me as a sexual object or rape me. I'm scared of...
  25. BlueWeepingRose

    My feelings about love

    I love pizza. I love movies. I love music. I love my family. I love my friends. I love my hobbies and interests. When it comes to falling in love, I have a hard time. Even when it comes to sexual things. Ever since I was raped, things just seem sort of distorted and I'm not able to get close to...
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