Recently I have learned that I have Autism specifically high functioning or what used to be referred to as Aspergers. I always knew I was different but it made me understand the dynamics around my rape, my responses, the interaction between me and the rapist, even my later rationalizations of...
Everyone responds differently to assault. I responded by freezing up and being obedient. He kept me for two years. Its been 12 years and still I'm afraid of men for some reason I follow the same pattern. I freeze up and follow directions or guidance. So I'm in a relationship and have been with...
I don't know really what to say but here goes I have C-PTSD and Depersonalization / Derealization Disorder. I am a student, a mother, and occasional writer. I was neglected as a child from about 3 to 15 at that point someone decided to keep me and that is when I started experiencing sexual...
I am worried that I don't know anything but abuse. That I can't see how great everything is in my own life because I want to be abused. I really don't though or I am confused about it all. I want to feel safe really badly which seems really stupid. Safe to me means being accepted, understood...
I feel like I should be over it but I am not. I wish I could feel safety outside of this random connection with a married man but I don't. I wish I could get over it but it just keeps growing, a darkness looming under the surface, a deep ocean wildly thrashing about inside me, water only leaking...