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  1. Z

    Negative transference?

    About 10 days ago my therapist upset me when we were doing a treatment plan and suicide contract. He knew how I wanted it worded and I felt like he purposely manipulated the words to push me in a corner. I felt trapped and betrayed. I told him at the next session that I felt that way and that I...
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    Have you ever faked it enough to convince your t?

    I have been suicidal my whole life. Sometimes are worse than others and for the past month things have been really bad. My therapist usually doesn't ask and I will never volunteer any info on these feelings but recently I have been dealing with some huge crap and he knows that I am REALLY low...
  3. Z

    No attachment feelings

    I read about everyone's attachment issues and I wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I am an only child who experienced multiple kinds of abuse from an early age from both parents. As a result I mainly tried to avoid everyone including my paternal grandparents who lived on the same property...
  4. Z

    Feeling manipulated

    Sorry this is so long and confusing. Does anyone else's therapist seem to get exasperated with them when doing cognitive reframing during CBT? I'm not trying to bash my therapist I know it's probably an issue that I'm having and I'm just trying to understand how to deal with it. I have some...
  5. Z

    Emdr and brainspotting

    I am currently working with a great trauma T who works with me using EMDR amoung other techniques. I am highly dissociative so we are struggling to make progress on procressing multiple traumas. I dont want to quit him because I truely believe he is thd best qualified T for my overall needs and...
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    Vulnerability and emdr

    Does anyone else feel extremely vulnerable when they're doing EMDR? I sometimes really have a problem with my therapist just watching me. It feels like I'm being tortured and he's the controller of the torture and he's just watching me go through it all. I feel so vulnerable I have such a hard...
  7. Z

    DID Does anyone have an other that resembles their abuser?

    One of my others is mean to me and hates my T. He is taking on more and more characteristics of one of my abusers. He uses the same verbal abuse tactics. Does anyone else have an other like this?
  8. Z

    What do you call the grown ups?

    As my therapy has been progressing and memories have been coming back I'm struggling to find words to use for the grown-ups that were in my life. Family, that word makes me sick to my stomach. I can't use mother, father, grandmother, and grandfather. They were none of those things . Parental...
  9. Z

    Have your others ever shared their memories

    I have recently been having horrible flashbacks of the horrors that happened when I dissociated as a kid. My question is, have your others ever shared the worst of their memories with you including the physical pain and sensations that they endured? I have also been experiencing awful muscle...
  10. Z

    In And Out Of Body Memory

    Has anyone experienced a memory of abuse where the first half you ate in your body and feeling the physical feelings you did at that time, but as the memory progresses to a worse part you switch to viewing it from outside of your body and you pretty much lose the physical sensations? I am...
  11. Z

    Muscle Spasms During Flashbacks

    Does anyone else have uncontrollable muscle spasms during flashbacks of childhood abuse? I am triggered by different memories of my dad. For the past month now i am constantly having muscle spasms that always start on the left side of my stomach. Sometimes they are mild and stop there. Depending...
  12. Z

    Abreactions And Emdr

    My T decided it would be best to work on one of my nastiest memories. It is not a full memory but none the less has horrible feels that tag along. Anyway he kept talking about abreactions but i had already started to dissociate and missed most of it. Is anyone familiar with this term when used...
  13. Z

    DID How did you discover you had other parts?

    For those with experience, I am just curious about how you discovered you had other parts? And in the beginning how did you know it wasn't just your own thoughts or inner voice?
  14. Z

    Any Tricks To Avoid Dissociation In Therapy?

    I am new to this and I have no idea how to avoid it during emdr, but I have found that I can usually avoid didspciatinh if I can maintain fairly frequent eye contact with T. The problem is once things get too uncomfortable I start the car off stare and I am home. He usually uses a cold Coke can...
  15. Z

    DID Just because i have voices does that mean i have did?

    So I spilled the beans about everything to my therapist today all the horrible details the voices in my head which I think are just my brain telling me that I'm a piece of s*** or whatever anyway with everything that happened in therapy he now thinks I might have DID. I sad that I don't have...
  16. Z

    Is This Possible With Dissociation?

    Sorry I am new to the whole dissociation thing. When I do it I pretty much am aware of everything that is going on I just go deep in my head but my head feels like it's a Million Miles Away and i stare off. Anyway i recently dissociated during a session and I missed most of what the therapist...
  17. Z

    Cbt Or Dbt?

    I'm in need of advice from people who are familiar with both of these. My T gives me bits and pieces of both as well as EMDR but I want to do more to get better faster on my own. I have extremely abusive inner voices and I've just become aware that I dissociate more and more with certain...
  18. Z

    Normal Self Is Stone Faced

    I am quite aware that my normal self is always stone faced. My T says he has a hard time reading me. My best friends admit that they see a glimpse of a smile once in awhile, i usually exptess humor through verbal sarcasm and i have them in stitches much of the time but it is always delivered...
  19. Z

    Do I Have Others?

    This is new to me and my therapist just realized on my last visit that I dissociated on him through EMDR Actually I'm more comfortable with that I know that I have done so multiple times in the past. What has me really scared about the last session was that i actually wasn't myself that entire...
  20. Z

    Dissociation- Are You Still Aware?

    Today was the first time my T noticed that I dissociated in session. I know of at least three times when I did it and I always seem to dissociate when I have the thought that I'm dead inside. I think he only noticed this time because we were doing EMDR and kept asking me how that made me feel or...
  21. Z

    Has Anyone Felt Sorry For Their T

    My therapist has been on vacation this week yes it's killing me but I don't want him to know that. I have tried to look at it kind of is a test for myself I have not done well I'm afraid to even tell him my thoughts. I actually feel sorry for him because I know when he comes back he's going to...
  22. Z

    Physical Reaction To Trigger

    I'm not quite sure how to describe this I asked my therapist the first time it happened during EMDR but he said he doesn't for sure. We were processing a new memory and it led to memories of my dad and I started feeling this strange sensation in my stomach or core area kind of like an...
  23. Z

    Too Ashamed To Tell T

    How do I work up the nerve to tell my therapist that I self harm through masturbation? I would rather avoid the issue altogether but it is been getting worse over the past few weeks.I have no idea why I do this I do not remember any child sexual abuse.
  24. Z

    Therapist Too Nice?

    Does anyone else feel uncomfortable or annoyed when their therapist is too nice? My therapist is always so careful to tell me before he does something or he won't give an opinion until I agree to hear it etc. He is always so "nice" I can hardly stand it. I just wish he would be more firm or push...
  25. Z

    Does Anyone Think Of Their Therapist Like This

    I have a hard time asking and accepting help from people so I've decided to start thinking of my T as a teacher instead. Has anybody thought of their T as a teacher? As someone who is teaching them the skills to get better on their own vs someone who is helping you?
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