Search results

  1. Sweetleaf

    Readers thread: what or who are you reading right now?

    The Troop by Nick Cutter. A book I will only ever read once and the only one where I ever had to flat out stop to take a break because it was too horrific and f*cked up. 10/10 if you want to read some harrowing shit, but like, I kinda wanna tell people not to read it at the same time lol. It's...
  2. Sweetleaf

    The Next Upgrade 20 / 21

    Good changes. Thumbs up.
  3. Sweetleaf

    Why do we take the blame?

    @Freida I haven't read the rest of the thread, just your initial post - but IMO it's just a side-effect of us not processing the memories correctly when/after it happened. With reprocessing comes loss of self-blame - and it's hard as hell and takes a lot of time, but I guess one thing at a time...
  4. Sweetleaf

    Is this an overreaction?

    One problem with that for me is I am much more proficient with firearms than I am with knives and baseball bats. I'm also physically weak, and I'd do much more damage with a gun (which is true for everyone but even more for those who are not adept at other forms of defense). Plus, most people...
  5. Sweetleaf

    Is this an overreaction?

    @blackemerald1 I wanna clear up some stuff haha. I found out my cameras were malfunctioning due to the cold temperatures - only today did it warm up enough to make them work again. The electronics were too cold I guess, I have no idea why exactly the cold stopped them from working lol. When...
  6. Sweetleaf

    Is this an overreaction?

    I got startled by a slam sound on the side of my house, like an hour ago. Hard slam sound, like someone hit the side of my house with all their might. Startled the shit out of me. It also didn't trip my outdoor cameras sensors, so that freaked me out more. I'm the only one in the house too...
  7. Sweetleaf

    I don't have any problems with shooting or carrying anymore! And I got a concealed carry pistol! (I had gun related trauma and triggers)

    So, some of the traumatic events I experienced involved guns. Because of that I had two problems: I wasn't able to look at guns at all, and I didn't feel comfortable with the idea of defending myself with firearms anymore. But - before my trauma, I was very into guns, I had already owned many...
  8. Sweetleaf

    Narcan for dissociation treatment

    I'm happy to see someone else say that - it really does feel like a miracle drug when it peels away hard dissociation. I still have some laying around, and could easily get another prescription, but hopefully I won't need them :D Naltrexone let me get to a point where I could actually do...
  9. Sweetleaf

    Does a PTSD diagnosis and treatment help in dealing with future traumas?

    This question has been on my mind for a long time. I really wonder how I would handle different traumatic events now that I have done a lot of reprocessing on my past traumas. I imagine everyone is different, and of course every single event and circumstance is different, but regardless I am...
  10. Sweetleaf

    You Know You Have PTSD When...

    When you have a memory pop up that is so bad you actually WANT to go back to thinking about the memories with the knives and guns and blood and injury and violence.
  11. Sweetleaf

    Why did you pick your screen name?

    I just like it, honestly. I think it's a cute name to go by. It's a Black Sabbath song that I like, too, which is where I got the idea.
  12. Sweetleaf

    What does safety mean to you?

    For me, high level safety feels like this: I am completely relaxed. I do not have a single shred of anxiety. I dont have a single worry on my mind. I feel content, maybe even happy. It's like, nothing is going to hurt me, and I'm not even imagining the possibility at that time that I feel super...
  13. Sweetleaf

    Can people with ptsd actually function?

    Most of the benzo users/abusers I have known who have quit and sought medical help with the withdrawal, generally said most docs are clueless about benzo withdrawal. It's sad cause it can be very severe, give you seizures, and potentially kill you, depending on multiple factors. Theres...
  14. Sweetleaf

    First world problems

    Here's my first world problem: my windows are being replaced with really nice new ones, which look great, have amazing sound blocking, and theres no more breeze in my house (at least the floor with new windows lol). The old windows are from 1977, and I live in Alaska so that should give you some...
  15. Sweetleaf

    Vomiting during trauma work in therapy

    I haven't barfed in a therapist's office before but I often get super nauseous while anxious. That said I tend not to eat anything before sessions, so hopefully if it ever happens I wont have much of anything to vomit. I probably would have barfed before having an invasive kind of ultrasound...
  16. Sweetleaf

    Hypervigilance - Don't stand behind me darn it!

    I feel the same way, but I also feel uncomfortable not being near an exit, or having a clear way to get the f*ck out. It feels like a balance between not having people behind or around me, and not being blocked from an exit by people. Now that I think about the needing-a-way-out thing, there...
  17. Sweetleaf

    Hypervigilance - Don't stand behind me darn it!

    Same deal here, cant stand it. It was pretty bad when I had a mole biopsied off my back. Both having someone behind me and having them touch me. I also hate it when people stand too close in lines, some people dont give a f*ck about personal space lol.
  18. Sweetleaf

    Responses To Your Therapist That You Will Probably Never Say

    Kinda funny - I just started brainspotting and one of my first thoughts when it started was "holy shit am I just gonna stare at that pointer and not say shit the whole session???" Yep, pretty much. It worked though lol.
  19. Sweetleaf

    Anybody feel like their "adrenaline surge" sort of feeling is all-or-nothing?

    Well, it depends on when. I used to get so anxious, that I was on the verge of passing out and throwing up, if I tried carrying. Yet at the same time, I felt very vulnerable not having a gun, so yeah, more anxious depending on the situation, and my thoughts. Now it has been a while, and I've...
  20. Sweetleaf

    Narcan for dissociation treatment

    I'm just recommending the drug I tried. The exclamation point was out of enthusiasm, not in a condemning-narcan way. I brought up narcan with my pdoc and she suggested naltrexone instead, and it worked. Kinda funny - the day I came in wanting to talk about trying narcan, she was already...
  21. Sweetleaf

    Narcan for dissociation treatment

    @bellbird I'm glad to see people talking about opioid receptor antagonists for dissociation - if you wanna try one, ask your doc if you can try naltrexone! Takes like 2-7 days to figure out if it works for you, in my experience. On the first day I already felt a noticeable decrease in...
  22. Sweetleaf

    Narcan for dissociation treatment

    My pdoc had me on naltrexone for dissociation, mainly dr/dp. It worked wonders for me! Miracle drug tier. I was on 12.5mg at first, then 25, then 50, then 25 again. Every few weeks I needed to take a 2-4 day break for it to regain it's normal efficacy. Naltrexone is another opioid antagonist...
  23. Sweetleaf

    Should I try vaginal dialators?

    I dissociate in any kind of genital exam, and also require xanax. That's totally natural for someone with sexual assault in their trauma history, you're not alone in that. I empathize a lot with your situation. I agree with what the others said about going to a doc first and getting their...
  24. Sweetleaf

    I went shooting today for the first time since the trauma ended!

    @WillyKat - thinking back on it, it was very grounding, kept me very in the present. Also there is plenty of stimulation to the senses. Sight, sound, feel (recoil is pretty grounding haha), even smell (which I find pleasant lmao), and there are a lot of things to focus on. Reloading magazines...
  25. Sweetleaf

    I went shooting today for the first time since the trauma ended!

    For sure! The funny thing is this was my therapy homework. My therapist told me to go shooting just to see if I was still triggered by guns, lol.
Back
Top