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  1. M

    My Punishment

    I can relate to this all to well. I often tell myself that the reason these things happened to me is that because somewhere along the line, in this life or another, I must have done something really horrible and this is my punishment. I think that this is all part of the indoctrination by my...
  2. M

    Hello Everyone

    I am so sorry you are going through this. Personally, I have had my share of bullying and being scapegoated; apparently it is a "role" that many of us are unconsciously assigned to play- usually from birth. One of the parents usually unconsciously chooses a child and I ended up being that...
  3. M

    Feeling Like No One Understand You?

    I always have problems with my family understanding me; in particular their insensitivity to my experiences and symptoms. For instance, while it wasn't a stranger who assaulted and attacked me (ex's, mother), I WAS attacked in my own home and therefore stranger or not, I need to make sure the...
  4. M

    Startle Response

    Nothing helps my startle reflex but low stress environments and long periods without being triggered. If I am feeling vulnerable....like I am after being triggered, the startle response is off the charts and I am clinging to the ceiling with my heart pounding out of my chest.
  5. M

    Feeling Like No One Understand You?

    I definitely have problems with people understanding me and have my whole life. I have felt and sometimes often feel invisible, or that I have been screaming at people my who life in order to get them to hear me.
  6. M

    Northern California, U.S.A.

    Lodi CA, here. Anyone close?
  7. M

    Childhood Abuse And Adult Domestic Violence

    Intothelight, I like what you said about receiving unconditional love and realizing how selfish abusers are. This is something that I have found to be very true. For me, I had been self medicating my pain for years.....until about 4 years ago. I didn't not even realize I HAD childhood...
  8. M

    Poll Do You Sleep With Alot Of Covers?

    I Gotta have that blanket....no matter what temperature it is. It makes me feel less exposed.
  9. M

    Poll Do You Believe You Are A Very Sensitive Person?

    I am definitely a hypersensitive. As a child, I was constantly told that I was too sensitive, and to this day I am still too sensitive. I was always deeply affected by the criticisms and bullying that I experienced. My family made me think it was a bad thing and that I needed to toughen up...
  10. M

    Childhood Abuse And Adult Domestic Violence

    I am wondering if anyone else that has suffered childhood abuse has had subsequent abuse in adult intimate relationships. Supposedly, if you are or have been in abusive adult relationships, this is because of the conditioning received as a child, i.e Repetition Compulsion. I am interested in...
  11. M

    Headaches = Healing?

    My current boyfriend and I had grown up together from the time he was 12 and I was 10. We were always like brother and sister, and friends always. Eventually, we had an intimate encounter when he was 18 and I was 16- one time only. Then he left a few months later and I never heard a word...
  12. M

    Self Destructive Behavior

    I believe the self destructiveness is considered a part of the dissociative symptom in that it can be used to escape from emotional pain; or if dissociated, can be used to "feel" during emotional numbing. For me, when I was a child, I would stick pins under the calloused skin of my fingers and...
  13. M

    Health Problems From PSTD?

    My symptoms include hypertension (during highly stressful times), depression, chronic neck/back pain (ambulance from work a couple weeks ago), heart palpitations, sweating and chills, headaches, abdominal pain, vertigo, TMJ, more frequent colds and viral infections.
  14. M

    San Francisco, California USA

    I'm here! I work in the FiDi. Nice to meet you.
  15. M

    Friend Has CPTSD And Is Having Blackouts

    Not an expert, but it sounds as if your friend could have Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID). If this is the case, she really, really needs to speak to a therapist because if she does have DID, her alter(s) could do something that endangers her or someone else. If she knows already that she...
  16. M

    Need Some Insight

    As a sufferer, I can tell you that I go through long periods where I only want to see my son and my boyfriend. This isn't because I don't care about my friends and other loved ones, it is because my son is my life, and my boyfriend is the only one who's presence and words actually soothe my...
  17. M

    General PTSD And Isolation

    As a sufferer, I will tell you that my own symptoms wax and wane, and I have even noticed something new. Isolation. Before I reconnected with my boyfriend, which was a catalyst for remembering a lot of my past, I did not isolate. Now that I have faced new memories, I have begun to isolate...
  18. M

    I'm New Here

    Yukilee, while there may not have been any sexual or physical trauma in your background, child neglect is considered emotional abuse and therefore could be considered traumatic. Trauma can cause PTSD and emotional trauma is often considered more destructive because it is damage to the...
  19. M

    Never Give Up On Dreams

    This is ironic because everyone tells me I live in a fantasy world, and that dreams are just that....dreams. Funny thing is, I have made every single one of my dreams come true. All I ever wanted in my life was a child, a home and someone who love ME for me and those are the things I have...
  20. M

    Do You "Check Out" When You Are Overwhelmed Emotionally

    This happens to me too. It happened really bad last Christmas when my older brother said something regarding one of my abusers in the form of fresh information that actually confirmed what I had over the last few years slowly been remembering piece by piece; that I had been another of this...
  21. M

    Last Night's Flashback

    When I was about 10 years old, I was with my mother at her favorite cousin's house. This cousin had a red doberman pinscher named Monique that was truly scary because if you looked into it's eyes, it would snarl and growl. I NOW know that looking a dog in the eyes is considered a sign of...
  22. M

    General Physical Signs Of Being Triggered

    When I am triggered, I feel myself physically go numb in the face. I feel my heart start pounding. I start shaking and get very cagey. I can't speak coherently, my mouth fills with saliva and I am almost drooling. After the "threat" either leaves or I am able to determine that I am going to...
  23. M

    Not Sure About My Experiences And What They Mean

    I am not sure if others feel this way, but I have trouble understanding what constitutes abuse. In my opinion, what I have experienced is abuse, but the invalidation I get makes me feel like it is all me and just overreaction to the normal experiences of life. My story is rather long, so I...
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