1 inch tall

KafRN

New Here
39 years old. I’m aware I grew up with a boat load of trauma.

I entered my dating then childbearing years and made some pretty risky decisions, put myself in dangerous situations. 4 kids, 3 fathers, 1 sparsely involved, 1 I married then divorced and 1 who tried to destroy me and my world then disappear to repeat the behaviors with other women, leaving a handful of them with kids they’ll be raising alone. (He has a total of 5 living and 1 in heaven after an abortion)

Let’s rewind to an 8 year old me. Already living in a home where the children are being beat and verbally/emotionally abused by dad, I then get taught and forced to preform oral sex on a 17 year old male neighbor for years. Now we have a hyper sexual child.

12 year old me gets held down by 2 male kids in a rape attempt but gets away.

From 8-12yrs old I’m already thinking about sex. Move 1500 miles away at 12, it’s horrible, no friends and meet a 19 year old who wants to date me, I’m only 15. He grooms me, he teaches me things, he takes my virginity then records it on tape. He likes me so I let him do it even though I don’t want to but he’s paying me that male attention I’ve craved since I was 8.

I move again, no friends but I’m 16, a random guy from the internet grooms me, we hang out, become friends, I tell him no but he takes me to meet his grandparents but they aren’t home. I pretended to be on my cycle and wear a tampon but he leads me to a room and holds me down, forcing himself on me and 1 hour later I’m in a friends bathroom crying, reaching for the tampon he’s shoved up into my body.

I’m 36, fresh out of a divorce and meet a man through friends. We get serious and he seems pretty awesome until all of a sudden your being physically abused, raped daily, and now you don’t trust the police, your pregnant again, with #4, he's constantly cheating, giving you stds, your heads cracked open, you barely have a pot to piss in.

f*ck all that. f*ck all of the people that laid down those speed bumps and craters and pits of hell. I got up, got a job, finished school, got my LPN, ADN then my BSN; summe cum laude, 4.0, presidents list, deans list ect. My kids are healthy, I’m married to the man that exceeds my expectations of a real man. I’m in therapy. On meds (call me crazy, idaf), work in the mental health field, and am a WORK IN PROGRESS. I’m not perfect. I have trauma. I have PTSD, depression, anxiety. Life isn’t always peaches and cream. It’s messy. It’s necessary to step back and deal with and face our demons and skeletons because they WILL creep up eventually. The brains a pretty dumb organ and you can basically speak positivity into fruition. You can change how you respond and change the feelings that different situations bring you. Vent.
 

Mr Canis

Learning
I got up, got a job, finished school, got my LPN, ADN then my BSN; summe cum laude, 4.0, presidents list, deans list ect. My kids are healthy, I’m married to the man that exceeds my expectations of a real man.

Wow- you are so strong well done to you! Hope you find love , happiness and joy in life- whilst you can’t change the shit that happened in the past - look to the joy YOU ! Have created and found now through your hard work and persistence- credit to you for your strength and resilience- well done
 

prynne

Confident
It's inspirational how much you've been able to accomplish after going through hell. Your story helps me believe that it is possible to live a good life after going through countless horrible things. Thank you for sharing this :)
f*ck all that. f*ck all of the people that laid down those speed bumps and craters and pits of hell. I got up
I love this mindset. A lot of people seem to be all about forgiving people for doing unforgivable things, but this doesn't help me at all. It makes me feel like I'm betraying myself. Something that helps me more is spite. f*ck all of these people for trying to beat me down, but I'm not going to stay there. I'm always going to get up again. You kept getting up and now it seems like now you are reaping the rewards of your tenacity and strength :)
 
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