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1000's of people tell me its my fault

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by Sky, May 17, 2018 at 9:12 AM.

  1. Sky

    Sky New Member

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    I had brief fame when I was 12/13. I was already struggling immensely with the results of this (stalking, death threats, lack of privacy). It's been awhile since the height of the fame (infamy) but recently my rape case was made completely public by someone looking to get an influx of followers for "exposing the latest drama" which led to tens of thousands of people knowing things that if I had the choice would've been taken to the grave with me. I cant go on social media without seeing photos of me and the perpetrator that have been turned into memes, and jokes about me getting raped. I dropped out of high school as a freshman last month because kids at school know and it's been extremely isolating. I changed schools a few times prior to this, but kids get caught up in online drama relating to me and start giving out my personal information to people online. My life and struggles are a joke to a ton of people and as much as I try to take steps in the right direction, distance myself from negative people, and heal, everything is undone by the ongoing harassment. Despite deleting my accounts my cell # is bombarded with insults and jokes relating to the assaults and no matter how many times I change my number people always find it. I'm embarrassed to exist, I wasn't even ready to tell my mom I was being abused and now I have people making YouTube videos about it and thousands of comments with the general consensus being something along the lines of "She could've told anyone it was happening but she didnt so its her fault". I saw a comment with over 1000 likes on it that said I "should be put in juvie for ruining a man's whole life just for having sex with him" and I have nightmares specifically about that one all the time. I didnt even tell a single soul what the man was doing to me, he got caught on his own. I wish I could go back to nobody knowing. The nightmares are so intense. Ive succumbed to drug abuse and prostitution now, so I've lost the only support and respect I had. My mom is more on everyone else's side than mine now and she was all I had. I'm just a "delinquent" now and no longer her sweet daughter. I'm really done with this life. I've been in therapy since I was 5 including most recently EMDR so that's ten years of therapy now and I can confidently say it hasnt been something that's helped me. Been on meds since I was 12 and each month I just get worse and worse. I'm sick of being hurt every day and it doesnt seem like anything will ever get better.
     
    hithere and Fadeaway like this.
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  3. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

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    Oh God sweetie I am so sorry. As hard as it is to believe it will end. The jerks online will move on to something else in what will seem like forever. I'm sure that doesn't seem like a comfort but they will. However nothing that is and has been done is your fault. I am so so sorry.
     
    blackemerald1 and Sietz like this.
  4. Sky

    Sky New Member

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    Thank you so much. It makes me shiver every time a notification pops up on my phone because I'm acclimated to seeing something mean every time. When I saw that this time your response was the notification it was so relieving and refreshing. I'm happy I could share something that's been affecting me with people who understand that its hard to speak up about abuse, and it doesnt mean it's not serious and that you didn't want it to stop just because you kept it a secret.
     
  5. Justme.

    Justme. Guest

    You just described my worst nightmare, I have struggled for ten years with the fear that everyone will know.
    I didn't tell anyone either I was too ashamed.
    We live in a world full of ignorant, semi litterate, spiteful people, for whom empathy is a word they cant even spell so I'm not surprised you are being persecuted.
    Just try to see them for what they are.
     
    mumstheword likes this.
  6. Zoogal

    Zoogal I'm a VIP

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    Honey it took me fifteen years to kinda sorta tell a couple people. It's not just you.
     
    hithere likes this.
  7. zombycat

    zombycat Member

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    Sky, I can't even imagine how invasive it must feel to have so many people making fun of something so deeply hurtful. It must be so hard to know who to trust! None of this was your fault. You didn't ask for any of this and it sickens me that you are being harassed about it.

    A lot of people keep it secret. Secret does not equal consent. The way people are acting about it only underscores further one of the reasons why you kept it a secret.

    This harassing kind of behavior is one of my worst pet peeves about the way people act on the Internet. They see a picture or hear a story and somehow they dehumanize the situation to the point where they forget that real people are involved and hurt by the things they do or say.
     
    Sietz, hithere, Zoogal and 1 other person like this.
  8. blackemerald1

    blackemerald1 I'm a VIP Premium Member

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    @Sky this is rounded up in the word called bullying. @zombycat and @Zoogal are correct. The social media feeding frenzy will move on. It's not right that you are being shamed in this way. Regardless of whether you kept it a secret or not common decency should prevail.

    ^^^This is something you can take action about. You can stop this behaviour. You can go back to school. I'd suggest you get off and stay off social media (all forms) bc it is you that is hurting. It's hard to do but lots of ppl do not use social media bc of the mob mentality that goes with it.
     
  9. hithere

    hithere Active Member

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    I just want you to know my heart reaches out to you. I am so sorry and I can't imagine going through what I'm going through with all the public knowing and then such cruelty from the public. I did not tell anyone for decades. I have been trying to break the silence by telling a therapist and paying them a ton of money to do so, and I still can't spit the words out. I hope you know it is not your fault at all, and very common to stay silent. As was said earlier, with what you are receiving now concerning this, no wonder you kept silent. I truly send caring to you.
     
    blackemerald1, zombycat and Zoogal like this.
  10. zombycat

    zombycat Member

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    @blackemerald1 is absolutely right. One thing those mob-minded little jerks have in common is a really short attention span. I think removing yourself from their sphere of influence is a really good idea for now.

    She's also right in saying that although trauma often leaves us feeling all kinds of destructive urges, we don't have to give into them. You get to choose who you want to be
     
    blackemerald1 and Zoogal like this.
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