Childhood 2 Victims of Maternal Incest Grappling with Issues 60 Years later

Nannerl

New Here
I found this forum by searching the internet for the topic of Mother-Daughter incest and there's surprisingly little information. My sibling and I shared a horrific childhood (he is male, I am female) during which we both were sexually abused/fondled/penetrated by our mother. Our Mom had myriad psychological/mental issues and spent the greater part of my brother's childhood in and out of sanitariums, as well as a portion of mine. She attempted suicide at least twice, then a third time in the Mid 2000's, which was successful.

I was not able to speak of the things that happened to me with her as a child and well into my teenage years. Mom was gravely personality disordered as well as hyper sexual and bi-sexual. Our father travelled a great deal and was never home during these episodes. We do not believe he was aware of at least this part of her behaviour. Mom also had affairs with both men and women when he was away, one of whom was a young man in his late teens when she seduced him in her 30's - they kept. up this 'relationship' for nearly thirty years, meeting clandestinely. This man as well as our Mom's closest friend performed 'experiments' on me at some point after the age of four. I say this because shortly after my 2nd birthday, I was involved in a severe accident, with near-fatal injuries which left me in the care of Duke University Hospital for two years; during which time I underwent seven major surgeries. Just prior to this incident, our mother had been hospitalised again in a sanitarium and was there for several months during my own hospitalisation.

I came home again at four and for the next several years, I remember, via scattered fragments, photos and documents, being fondled, penetrated by objects and photographed while masturbating. Our Mom was extremely well-read and had both volumes of Kinsey's works - I've often wondered if the volumes had any connection to our mother's issues. I am 65, my brother is 75 and now, at my age, I face a feeling (despite decades of therapy) of utter broken-ness. Aside from our therapists we have had no one to discuss these issues with. Is there anyone out there with similar experience?
 

Nannerl

New Here
Hello @Nannerl, welcome to the site. I'm so sorry for what happened to you. It's truly terrible. There are lots of supportive people here and I hope that you find it beneficial.
Wow! Quick response! Many thanks. One thing I have learned over the years is that the societal expectation and belief that all mothers are 'maternal' and caring do not fit into the image of a mother who views her own children as sexual objects. Even now, in our 'enlightened' age, I am hard pressed to find any but a few references to the subject. It took me decades to find a therapist I could turn to and I know there must be others out there. I suffer - as many do - crippling guilt, low self esteem, unable to establish social/intimate relationships and a myriad host of others. I am in my sixties and single after forty years of relationships (4) in which I was abused and sexually assaulted. I know now that my choices were influenced on the many conflicting and dangerously incorrect beliefs I learned growing up - that only people who hurt or betrayed me were what I deserved. I am still working on these issues. My sibling and I now live together, caring for each other into our older years. We both have histories of drug, alcohol and food addiction and sexual addiction on my painful resume. We are both celebrating decades of sobriety in those areas, though. Thank you for this site/page and for answering me so quickly. Have a great week.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum. You are proving it's never too late to try and find some peace of mind. I hope you take time to read around the forum and even if your abuse is not a topic, you will find enough information to make comparisons of feelings and maybe experiences.

You do deserve to have peace. You do deserve to heal. Grateful you and your brother have each other and have so much success in other areas. That's the other side of or your resume'. The good stuff!! Sorry for the reasons you are here, but glad you are here just the same!
 

joeylittle

Administrator
Welcome, @Nannerl - I know there are some threads on the forum written by other incest survivors. You can look for other threads tagged with "childhood" in this sub-forum, or search the whole board for "incest". I am sorry to read about what you've experienced; also, I'm glad you reached out to this board for connection. It's hard to get through PTSD without the support of people who can understand.
 
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