Sufferer 24 Year PTSD Sufferer, DX’d A Few Years Back, Wanting To Learn To Live Better

Hello folks, 24 year ptsd sufferer, only diagnosed 3 or 4 years back, intensely suffered through the years as per this living nightmare of a problem.
I've joined this forum because I want to learn more of what others have tried to accomplish ways of living better, not truly for me, but for the family that sticks loyally by me, yet puts up with the crap that comes out my mouth and the furious mood swings.
Also along with the fury n anger my main problem is social anxiety, I gave up on the general population long long ago, I've lost around 30 to 40 jobs probably in total, I've kept any chance of new friendships at arms length and that's the same length I've kept old relationships too.
I'm very accoustummed to living this way now, and it only bothers me slightly. I've accepted my illness and all it has become of me, but I refute to stop trying to better these anger issues, issues that have been dramatically worsened by the ongoing stress of corona virus. Wow, this year's blew my mind stress wise and I'm sure everyone here would agree likewise themselves.
I've had 2 sessions of psychology counselling cbt, and prescribed beta blockers to calm the anxiety, which I must say probably saved me from suicide. I've been urged to try some other medications, but I'm not keen... Citralopam and mitrazepine have been tried before and both just made me feel weird on top of my usual feelings, no help at all, in fact the mitrazepine nearly messed me up worse than I already was.
Which brings my question, can anyone share positive stories about ptsd medication they've successfully tried?.
Also, if anyone would like advice or to question me on my dealings and findings over the years, then I'd gladly share my knowledge with them..
Thank you for reading my intro, and hopefully helpful advice can be traded both ways. Wish I found this site years ago.. Cheers
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Putsch hysteria , welcome to the site. I take mirtazapine and have been confused by its results. I have a medication review coming up and might try to change it. Yep, PTSD definately messes with your mood swings. Maybe medication will help? Maybe not. Do you have any hobbies or interests you can focus on if or when your triggered?
 
Hi survivor 3, thanks for your response, despite my years of suffering I have never spoke to anyone else with ptsd, so finding this site is gonna be a relief in many ways I suspect. Regarding mitrazepine, I took it for 8 weeks last December n January... Firstly it made me sleep 14-18 hour days?.. And secondly it shortened my temper terribly, in the split second that I lost my temper, I must say I felt evil for half a second, not just furiously angry but actually evil... I had worked hard for 4 years at calming my anger outbursts, but mitrazepine brought it all back... And despite 10 months of not taking it, it has left me very snappy with my moods, and I've been lazy all year just from those tired, sleepy 8 weeks on mitrazepine. So whilst it may work better for others, for me, it was the worst med the Dr could've prescribed, I'm getting tempted to try another med though, as I ain't winning any battles this year, covid 19 gave me the stress required to completely shut down at home this year, and I bet many on here have felt the same effect. Regarding the hobbies question, yes!. I spend my whole life distracting myself from negative thoughts etc, by constant reading, watching documentaries, and attempting to make music.. So I've constantly got my brain distracted as much as possible. I got a dog too, so that I must try daily to get outside... But basically, when stress comes along, it all adds up, the stress bag becomes too heavy, and I drop everything In life... Hobbies included !... Does hobbies keep your mind above board?.. Or similarly, do you lose interest in the hobbies when your losing the battle?
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
I used to play music aswell but largely lost interest when I was put on the wrong medication. One of my main goals at the moment is to try and fill my life with new hobbies but that's tough with covid. My long term goal is to get back into music and form a band. I found a free chess game that I downloaded and I play that when I'm feeling down. It gives my mind something to focus on. I'm very glad to hear that you have some hobbies and have a dog. (Always a good excuse to get outside get some fresh air and have a walk). That said, sometimes this illness just hits us like a brick wall and it seems that there's nothing we can do but hold on for dear life and hopefully come out the other side ALIVE!!!
 
Survivor 3..... Alive... Keyword there!... I was always a tough cookie as a kid, and at my lowest ebb I manage to tap into this toughness to stay alive.... But I can never find this toughness unless I'm ultra low and bordering suicidal thinking.... So I really worry about the people that never knew mental toughness and how their gonna cope with the roller-coaster of ptsd. Keep up with your plan for starting a band, music has many many healing powers as you'll know, and it's that kinda social involvement that helps battle against ptsd. I've just joined this site 1 hour ago and have read some great posts and responses, look forward to reading and learning more, and also sharing any knowledge I've acquired...
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome. I really related to the rage and anger. When I first started this healing journey, those were the only two 'feelings' I was sure about. It's gotten so much better.

Glad you are here. People from all over the world are here and we all understand each other. No other place like it.
 
Ladee, thanks for your response, care to share some of your healing journey, therapy? Medication? Fitness? Combination of them?... Keen to try anything, though I've tried everything except the medication route really... Some things haven't worked or have worked at certain times, but I consistently end up losing the battle, and it's always stress that causes the collapse.. I try to live extremely stress free, but I have a family with teenage kids, it's just unavoidable and so is me collapsing and having to restart my climb
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I will get back to you @Putsch hysteria. It's nap time. lol. I'm WAY OLD so need my rest and would only give you a confusing rundown and you don't need that. Thanks for asking and I WILL get back to you. Glad you are here!!
 

Sideways

Sponsor
Welcome to the forum:)

Medication wise? Phew, the list of things I've tried over the years has entered the 30s! It's incredibly personal, not just because your symptoms are unique to you, but the internal workings of your body are as well.

I've had some success with old school anti-depressants, including a MAOI which come with a lot of restrictions (not because people have reacted badly to them by eating certain foods or taking certain other meds, but because theoretically they could cause problems). I'm currently using desvenlafaxine (a lot of people use the older venlafaxine), but the benefit period of increasing the dose is short lived, so I only increase it for acute symptom periods like anniversaries.

I also use slow release seroquel to good effect with minimal side effects on a lower dose, and instant release seroquel when I'm managing acute symptom issues on bad days (with nasty side effects, so only when I really need it).

Tbh, looking after my physical health is critical. Regular healthy meals, good sleep hygiene, daily relaxation exercises, and definitely (definitely) regular exercise are absolutely critical for me. Remove any one of those and things deteriorate. Not much is gonna happen progress wise unless I'm looking after myself physically. The benefits of medication is really limited in that respect for me. Exercise helps keep my mood stable long term, but it's also one of the best ways to work out emotion bumps.

Hopefully something in there resonates. CBT definitely didn't get me across the line on its own, but it formed an essential foundation for most of the other therapies I've subsequently tried, and was definitely time well spent.
 
Hi sideways and thanks for the welcome, sure lots of things resonate, especially the good living things, sleep, diet, exercise etc
I've mentioned that I've tried anti depressant and also mitrazepine, both just added another weird feeling to me, to join the list of usual depression/anxiety/despair feelings, so if anything, I just felt worse. Propranolol beta blockers are the only thing that has had a great effect on anxiety, they stopped me taking full on panic attacks and reduced it to an average level of anxiety (in comparison). However, I'm still ingrained with 24 years of social anxiety that'll never shift, or so it seems.
Fitness for me is key, however when stress gets the better of me then I shut down, and all positive good living is replaced by the scarier side of ptsd.
Have you found a peaceful way to live with yourself via the mix of meds/therapy and general wellbeing?.. Or still do you struggle?.. Thanks for sharing sideways
 
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