24h curfew is making me claustrophobic...


Is that just me? On the plus side it seems things are going to start reopening slowly in the coming weeks. But we are right now having the longest such curfew (friday 5pm to tuesday 5am) and I am really struggling. On Friday, it came out in random reorganization of my computer files(has been on my list for a while), but then I found a memory that triggered me into really bad flashbacks, which hadn't happened in a long time. On Saturday I did fine until mid-ballet-video-class I wanted to burst in tears. After class I stayed in bed for couple of hours, then felt way too sad so found a distraction. Felt so sad that if I didn't have a distraction it would have been really bad.

Today we got the news of things starting to reopen, and had coffee on the sunny balcony with my roommate. Held it together. Than my backpain got really bad again and the depression/sadness wave washed over me again. And this creeping feeling in my mind, bouncing ideas. Maybe I should order food(and I have cooked food), I want a drink(it's mid-day), maybe I want to smoke(haven't in 10 years), I wanna cut, I want something, anything... I reigned in the harmful feelings, but I'm feeling so under the weather that I'll probably get painkillers and work in bed the rest of the day. Jury is still out on ordering some food, but I'm trying to avoid other bad desires. It's like this feeling under my skin, like I just want to go out and run until I feel better but it's not going away. Like for a moment all there is to my world is the same things over and over, I stay in the same rooms, do the same things, and although end is in sight I just have this burning need for something new, something to remind me that things will change, in a good way, that it won't always feel so bleak and so sad... Had this claustophobic wave last friday too, when we had the same curfew except one day shorter. At the time spend several hours frozen in anxiety in my bed.
p.s. I know I am lucky. I have a bed, I have a roof, the weather is nice, there is end in sight. I'm neither starving nor in immediate danger. But feeling claustrophobic when I am not allowed to be out until tuesday is just...it's not great. I am just trying to keep a lid on the more distructive desires I'm having right now...


What makes you feel free?

& What helps you feel an open space even in small spaces?

Even very tight places can be reframed ;) Stuck in somewhere I can't even move in? Might not be as bad, we're focusing on still having miiles of air, so up to breathing less wasting it.

Just in a room? Oh look at aall the distance one wall to other - and how many different ways it can be measured too - I can laugh myself silly counting how many ants steps is this tight thing or that one. And what would a cow put in here think. Or a baby ellie. Or different types of puppies.

And curfews keep other people out, too, not just me in. Plus no one's forcibly moving me anywhere :happy: Genuine joys, there.

Things like that. Watch out what you have & can use, not what you don't and can't.

.... which of your ballet plays would look best in miniature, room sized? :sneaky:

And which can be acted in finger dances & shadow puppets?