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3 years - i'm not sure if it's normal for it to be this bad after that many years.

Discussion in 'Sexual Assault' started by III, May 6, 2018.

  1. III

    III Guest

    When I was 17, I was sexually assaulted by a guy I knew at my friend's house. We were drinking and he followed me into a bathroom, blocked me in, and then assaulted me while I was unconscious and continued when I woke up and tried to get him to stop. After it happened, I had to see him every day at school and at every social event since I live in a small town. It was really hard, but I got used to it and just tried to not look at him. I haven't seen him in a year and a half, but I'm home from university for the summer and went camping with some friends last night. There was a party going on at the campsite next to ours, and he was there. He came over to our fire and started talking to some of the people we were with (he is very popular and not many people know what he did). When I saw him, I immediately had to get up and walk away because I was starting to cry. I started shaking and having a panic attack. I don't know why I am still like this. It has been three years now and I still think about it almost every day. I still have nightmares, I can't have sex, and have been dealing with severe depression ever since. When hearing other stories of rape and assault, my experience seems so small and I don't know why it still hurts so much. I'm not sure if it's normal for it to be this bad after that many years.
     
    AliciaEff and Ronin like this.
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  3. Ronin

    Ronin Dark Wings Premium Member

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    Three years is not really that many to be away from something that shook you up that bad.

    You had no way out then, and then for a veery long time, with meeting his ass everywhere you went.
    Is there anyone of the friends you could talk to? Not even about what happened, just someone trustworthy that you do not feel well and might appreciate support at this time (if that is something you need)?

    And yep. Normal.
     
    ladee and Zoogal like this.
  4. hymnless

    hymnless Active Member

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    Trauma is trauma is trauma. Your assault wasn’t small, he violated you and your trust. I was assaulted 6 years ago and tell myself that I shouldn’t still have such strong responses, etc. But much like you, I pushed it away out of necessity and didn’t really deal with it for a long time so it still feels really fresh. Whatever you’re feeling is ok. If you don’t already, you should consider seeing a trauma focused therapist to try to sort through things a little. There’s nothing wrong with having someone else in your corner :)
     
    Sietz, zombycat, ladee and 1 other person like this.
  5. hymnless

    hymnless Active Member

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    Whoops I deleted part of my first post....

    My point was that you should try hard not to compare your trauma to someone else’s. Everyone processes things differently, which is why some people develop PTSD following a traumatic event and some people don’t. Xoxo
     
    Sietz and ladee like this.
  6. EveHarrington

    EveHarrington _______ in progress. Premium Member

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    Please seek out therapy so you can process what happened and move on! Otherwise you could be dealing with effects for decades. Hugs.
     
    somerandomguy and Sietz like this.
  7. KwanYingirl

    KwanYingirl I'm a VIP

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    And that is why rapists get life in prison. Popular or not, that is where that boy deserves to be. We have a president that is a serial sex abuser and I just can’t get over that he’s not being held accountable.
    I think it would help you to be in therapy. You go to college, right? It wouldn’t be unusual for you to find someone at your home area for summers and vacations, and also someone near college. The sooner the better. Welcome, by the way. I am so sorry that you were assaulted. It sucks.
     
    ladee and EveHarrington like this.
  8. Justmehere

    Justmehere Defying the odds Moderator Premium Member

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    Normal is a setting on a washing machine. It's not really as useful when it comes to describing human experience. What you experienced at the campfire was a really understandable reaction to running into your rapist again. The other symptoms are common, and good cause to seek out counseling.
     
    Sietz, zombycat and ladee like this.
  9. SuckMyMetaphor

    SuckMyMetaphor New Member

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    There is no allotted amount of time for this.
     
    Sietz likes this.
  10. Sietz

    Sietz Well-Known Member

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    Its been 11 years since my last abuse and it's not healed. At first, like you, I thought it would go away by itself. It didn't.
    I needed to get professional help. I think so do you.
    I'm sorry this happened to you.
     
    AliciaEff likes this.
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