Sufferer 36, diagnosed 7 years ago, still struggling

Hello, all!

I found this forum through reading Pete Walker's book, and I came across the mention of it right after a very tense couples' therapy session in which I learned it can be really rough on my partner when I vent on Facebook. So this was perfect timing!

I was diagnosed with "chronic PTSD" in 2012 or 2013. Like pretty much everyone here, I'm sure, I've had some really lousy stuff happen to me. My parents definitely love me and had the best intentions, but they made a lot of mistakes because of their own stuff. My first relationship when I was a teenager was intensely emotionally abusive, and like probably everyone who has lived in large cities, I've been jumped a few times.

I've been in and out of therapy for 8 or so years, including a week in inpatient in 2016 (where I received the extra-fun diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder). I take antidepressants daily, and they're helpful, and I have anti-anxiety meds to help calm panic attacks.

Right now I feel... Kind of stuck. For a very long time it's just been kind of surviving and scrambling while waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. Right now things seem to have actually slowed down for a bit, and I'm trying to take care of stuff while I have this down time. I'm trying to learn to code and also how to not be terrible to the people I care about because my survival strategies are super messed up.

I found group therapy very helpful and interesting when I was in inpatient, so I'm hoping that space will be like that--somewhere to talk to people who understand but are not personally invested in my stuff, and hopefully occasionally have useful info to share.

Thanks for reading!
 

woodsy1

MyPTSD Pro
Hello, all!
Hello @MarzipanBunny. Welcome. Sorry for what brought you here, but glad to make your acquaintance.
I found this forum through reading Pete Walker's book, and I came across the mention of it right after a very tense couples' therapy session in which I learned it can be really rough on my partner when I vent on Facebook. So this was perfect timing!
That's great. Sometimes seem to line up just as they ought to.
I was diagnosed with "chronic PTSD" in 2012 or 2013. Like pretty much everyone here, I'm sure, I've had some really lousy stuff happen to me.
Yup. We've all had some shitty stiff happen to us. We're learning to overcome it though. Day by day. Moment by moment.

Never heard the term "chronic" in reference to PTSD before. I thought that with PTSD chronic was inferred. I learned something new today.

Mine is definitely chronic too, unfortunately.
My parents definitely love me and had the best intentions, but they made a lot of mistakes because of their own stuff.
It's awesome that you have parents that love you. Sadly, we all make our own fair share of mistakes.
My first relationship when I was a teenager was intensely emotionally abusive, and like probably everyone who has lived in large cities, I've been jumped a few times.
I've never been jumped. I can't imagine what that must like. Want to say something about it?
I've been in and out of therapy for 8 or so years, including a week in inpatient in 2016 (where I received the extra-fun diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder).
8 years? Yup, it's chronic. Did you know that sometimes Complex PTSD is misdiagnosed as BPD? Yup. I find this fascinating.
I take antidepressants daily, and they're helpful, and I have anti-anxiety meds to help calm panic attacks.
That's good. I'm glad the meds are helping some. Not many meds help me. Lucky you. 👍
Right now I feel... Kind of stuck. For a very long time it's just been kind of surviving and scrambling while waiting for the next terrible thing to happen. Right now things seem to have actually slowed down for a bit, and I'm trying to take care of stuff while I have this down time.
Sometimes down time is worse than crisis or survivor mode. There's time to think. And thoughts can turn into a quagmire. I hope you find your down time peaceful.
I'm trying to learn to code and also how to not be terrible to the people I care about because my survival strategies are super messed up.

I found group therapy very helpful and interesting when I was in inpatient, so I'm hoping that space will be like that--somewhere to talk to people who understand but are not personally invested in my stuff, and hopefully occasionally have useful info to share.
This is the only group therapy I've experienced. I'd like to do a group in person some day, but don't know if that will ever happen the way things are currently going. I do like this forum though. It's great!
Thanks for reading!
You are welcome. Thanks for sharing.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome!! Glad you found us. A great place to get the needs met that you mentioned. Very supportive and tons of information. Hope you take some time and read around the forum and see all the topics, we even have fun here!! Or at least the threads are available when we are in the mood!!

Yes, this place is a lot more private than FB!! Hope to see you around.
 

RussellSue

Not Active
how to not be terrible to the people I care about because my survival strategies are super messed up.
Congrats! You actually know you have a problem in this arena and can admit it. SO many people do not/can not. And as they say, knowing is half the battle, right? It is a big deal. It sounds like you are headed in a good direction.

I have had these problems, myself. It sucks and I am sorry you are going through this. It's hard.

I'm hoping that space will be like that--somewhere to talk to people who understand but are not personally invested in my stuff, and hopefully occasionally have useful info to share.
Sometimes we get concerned about each other but there are advantages involved in the distance aspect of things, for sure.

Welcome!

There is a lot of understanding here. I hope you find what you need.
 
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