Sufferer 44 & Sexually Abused From 3-15. Feel Like I Cannot Connect To Anyone & Family Excuses Instead Of Validates

Tami

New Here
Hello new to this site..i am 44 and have experienced sexual abuse from age 3 to 15 by multiple different people i trusted. I feel like it has caused me the inability to connect to anyone emotionally, physically and even sometimes mentally. It has effected my entire life and 99% of it was negitive effect.

I have tried counslors and have since i was 15 years old numerous psychs, therapists...my mother was a person who forced me into therapy my entire adolescent years and it only percipitated negative behavior and self destruction of myself.

One of the people who physically and set me up for a friend to sexually abuse me was my brother..my mother dosent validate me with even acknowledging my memories..she believes that i am mixing memories up and that its not true. I remember everything and its not like i am asking her to not love him or disown him or any of that. I just needed her validation that she believes me. She always makes excuses ..like the belief that majority of teen males while enduring hormons and puberty will act on impulses and that its normal and very common. Yet again i am at a loss, i dont hate my brother but is it wrong for me to want an apology...and not just an im sorry but i am sorry for___________. I do accept that i may never get that from him, however i feel like i NEED it, not only from him but before my mother passes i need her to accept it and acknowledge it and then move on.

I also lost my fathet to covid on 12/24 and that has been hard. I feel an overwhelming sense of doom every day and latley it has been intolerable. I am hoping joining am online community for support may help me navigate some of these things by hearing others stories of survival and healing and sharing experience, strength and hope with eachother.
 
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AngelkeeperJ

Sponsor
Welcome to the Forum...I'm sorry for the loss of your father and for the reasons you are suffering!

It's awful to not get validation from the ones who should be supportive of you, and that you have to deal with that pain along with the resulting effects from your trauma and abuse at such a young age.

We are survivors of many different traumatic experiences here, from the early childhood sexual abuse and the resulting shame and guilt, and other life-changing events and situations. It's a lifelong process. (I have a history of csa from brother, too, and have chosen the single life as it is safest for my psyche...)

I've seen a member for 10 years this year and I can tell you that you are not alone here🙂 I think you will find this to be a special place of compassion and empathy.

Blessings to you!
 

Lionheart

Sponsor
Hello @Tami, I am sorry that you need to be here but happy that you found this site as it has been a true blessing. I am also CSA, but I reverse it to say Sexual Child Abuse (SCA) because I think it is more specific. My point being, that we are talking about the same thing tho I spell it differently.

I am truly sorry about your loss, I imagine that must be very difficult. I lost my dad in 2012 just 4 days before Christmas. Loss is a difficult thing and I know I am not the only one on this site that deals with it.

Like my friend AngelKeeperJ, I have been a member here for over a decade and have found it to be a very significant blessing in my life....

I hope it will be the same for you...

Lionheart
 

Survivor3

MyPTSD Pro
Hi @Tami, welcome to the site. I'm sorry for you having had to endure sexual abuse. It's terrible. Also losing your father is extremely hard. There are many supportive people here. I hope that this site is good for you. 🙂
 
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