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5 things you need to understand before you can communicate

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anthony

Founder
Proper communication is something that can save your personal and business relationships. If you communicate in the wrong way, you're going to encounter trouble when you're trying to solve issues. In fact, improper communication is one of the biggest reasons why relationships fail. If you don't understand proper communication techniques, you're not going to be speaking in a way that the other person understands or relates to.

Taking the time to improve the way that you interact with people is a valuable way to ensure that you do everything you can to succeed in your relationships. No matter what type of relationship you're struggling with, there are five things that you need to understand before you're able to communicate well.

#1 - The past matters
Everyone has a past. Some of these are good, some of these are sad, and some of these are shrouded in secrecy. Nevertheless, past experiences shape who a person becomes. It is impossible to communicate with someone if you simply take what they say at face value. Instead, ask yourself, "What could have happened in the past to shape this person's view?"

If your partner is constantly suspicious, for example, maybe he was cheated on in a previous relationship. If your boss is a stickler about time management, maybe she had an employee whose poor work ethic caused problems on a project.

While you can't simply ask someone personal questions about their past, you can accept that there may be things you don't know. When you understand that the past impacts who a person becomes, you'll have an easier time understanding that sometimes people behave in ways you don't understand.

#2 - Your tone is important
The way you speak to someone matters. Your tone matters far more than the words you choose to speak. If you say something kind to someone, but you use a rude or condescending tone, they're going to believe that you're being mean. Sometimes controlling your tone can be difficult, especially if you're tired or you've been dealing with the same problem repeatedly.

Before you speak to someone, take a deep breath and remember to choose a tone of voice that reflects how you really feel. Don't say something in a way that could be misinterpreted as arrogance or rudeness and risk ruining a perfectly good relationship.

#3 - Active listening is vital
Do you tend to look at your phone when someone is talking to you? Do you stare at the pictures on the wall? Do you think about the groceries you need to buy later? If you do these things, you're not being an active listener. Active listening means that you focus on what the other person is saying as intently as possible.

Ask questions to demonstrate your understanding and make a point to offer valuable responses to what the other person says. This will demonstrate that you care and will help the other person to feel like you're invested in the relationship.

#4 - The words don't always matter
While it's important to choose your words carefully, not everyone knows how to do this. Sometimes the person you're talking with might use words that seem hurtful or callous, when in reality, they just don't know which words to use. Try to overlook the times when your colleague or partner might choose to phrase something in a way that makes you feel sad or hurt. Instead, focus on what they're trying to say and what they're attempting to communicate to you.

#5 - Counseling can help
Communication counseling is a valuable way to learn how to better interact with other people. If you've been struggling to find ways to connect with the people around you, you may want to speak to a professional counselor. You'll learn tips and tricks for interpreting body language, deepening your understanding of other people, and becoming a stronger speaker when it's your turn to talk.
 
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