Sufferer 64-Year-Old Starting Trauma Therapy

hyperanxiety

New Here
It has taken about 60 years for any mental health professional to properly diagnose me with PTSD, which I also believe should be CPTSD. The trauma that I was first hospitalized for was when I was only 18-years-old. I didn't realize it until more recently that I had experienced mostly verbal and emotional traumas since I was about 5-years-old. At 64-years-old I am only just starting therapy with a trauma informed therapist. I have been seeing him for about one month so far. This is the type of therapy I needed when I first started being treated for any mental illness.
I was originally diagnosed with schizophrenia and OCD. That label stuck with me even after 1980 when PTSD was accepted into the DSM-V. All of the mental health doctors and therapists since 1980 kept treating me for schizoaffective disorder. I knew for a very long time and after reading several books about PTSD that I was grossly misdiagnosed. I first mentioned to my psychiatrists that I felt my symptoms and reactions seemed, to me, to be clearly PTSD related. Of course, every doctor I had denied I qualify for the PTSD criteria. In my opinion I firmly believe that none of the doctors and/or therapists even considered any of the trauma I experienced and related to them mattered. This situation made me angry, and yes, even more traumatized. I also feel I was, and am, much too overmedicated since they gave me the wrong diagnosis over and over again. Now, there is no hope, after all that time, for me to discontinue any one, or more, of the multiple medications I still take regularly.
The clinic where I went for therapy was not conducive to recovery and/or healing. Most of the therapists played mind games with their clients, and certainly me. These mind games were not therapeutic and never tried to be. Instead I still believe that some of them were intentionally abusive. The HIPAA violations were multiple and frequent, both for me and the other clients there. The only reason I stayed with that clinic for so long was, as I was dependent/codependent on my family, it was also my family who insisted I keep my treatment there. It wasn't until 2017 that I cut all ties with that clinic.
I was seeing a new therapist at the new agency but the wait to see their psychiatrist was about three months. I still went to my old clinic for medications. It wasn't until my so-called "friend" disclosed confidential situations and information she and I were experiencing to that doctor that I knew I must cut ties there. Of course, the doctor kept stating to me that there was no HIPAA violation at all. However, I knew both what my "friend" said to me causing me to realize, after speaking to that doctor, that private information was disclosed between them.
The newer therapist was not specifically trained as a trauma informed therapist, although I did make some progress with him. He left that agency to work full-time as a school counselor.
That brings you up-to-date on my more recent issues. I only hope that I could get to my goal of "serenity," simply put, before I die.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forum. I'm sorry for the reasons you are here, but am glad you found us.

Sounds like you have a lot of awareness of how wrongly you were diagnosed and then treated. That awareness will help you make strides in your recovery journey.

Can't promise 'serenity', but can say being here will help a lot in that you will have others that understand and relate to what you are experiencing. A lot of validation and support happens here.

Glad you are here!
 

Tornadic Thoughts

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to this amazing community. May you kindly gather the hard-learned wisdom and experiences of self and others as you continue to innerstand and gently nurture your cell-ph.

I'm about a decade or so behind you and, unfortunately, ventured along very similar hellish paths of gross inaccuracy and incompetence, both personally and professionally. They made things so much worse with each attempt to "help".

So far, I've found the most genuine and sustainable relief for most of my health issues, PTSD included, in multiple avenues of the so-called pseudo-science and quackery-like places I was told to avoid and never put any faith in, but of course none of them are covered by insurance. lol Grateful for the circumstances that lead me to cross each path I never knew I needed to cross. Best wishes to you.
 

hyperanxiety

New Here
Thanks for your responses. I am glad that you have found a way through this mess called PTSD. As it less than five years since I am being treated for my real diagnosis of PTSD, as opposed to schizoaffective disorder prior to this, I am stuck taking too many meds and sometimes these same meds more than once a day. I went to a clinic for most of my life because my family felt that was the only place that was helping me. It gets to be a long story but while I was living with my mom, aunt, and father I was extremely codependent on these relatives and them on me. Since most of my life I am taking all these multiple meds, I doubt that lower dosages and/or removal of some of them will likely never happen. I still am somewhat disappointed that my new psychiatrist is recommending increasing the dosages of a couple of meds. I am totally not in agreement. Yes, I do get angry quickly. My anxiety also can skyrocket but eventually I get back to myself, whatever that really is anymore. I never remember being "normal" in my entire life. I will say that right now I am riding this non-stop roller coaster with different levels of anger and anxiety (and all that goes along with those) and times of calm, like now. I am still trying to figure out the what, where, and why I get so triggered. All my previous providers at that clinic refused, even after I told them my traumas and asked them about a PTSD diagnosis, to change my schizoaffective diagnosis. I only wish now that I would have gone against my family and changed agencies long ago. But then the family dynamics seemed of utmost importance at that time. I had no other support.
 

ladee

MyPTSD Pro
I hope you and your new therapist can come to some healthy agreements and conclusions on what meds may need to be revisited and see if they still apply to your new diagnosis. It is hard to be treated that way with so-called professionals. But many many of us here have been and understand how frustrating it is and upsetting to think of all the time lost.

Hoping you have a good connection with this T and are able to see some progress. Also hope you stay connected here. It really does help to read around the forum and find out you are not alone. At least it did for me.
 

Deanna

MyPTSD Pro
Welcome to the forums! Don't worry about age so much as getting into your recovery. I had PTSD for all of my life too, but was shocked at the diagnosis. I thought the psyche doc was going to say, here is some Lexapro. Take two a day. Bye! I never knew of a diagnosis to anything before that.

So, the main thing is you're here. I'm glad you found us! ?
 

Considering

New Here
It has taken about 60 years for any mental health professional to properly diagnose me with PTSD, which I also believe should be CPTSD. The trauma that I was first hospitalized for was when I was only 18-years-old. I didn't realize it until more recently that I had experienced mostly verbal and emotional traumas since I was about 5-years-old. At 64-years-old I am only just starting therapy with a trauma informed therapist. I have been seeing him for about one month so far. This is the type of therapy I needed when I first started being treated for any mental illness.
I was originally diagnosed with schizophrenia and OCD. That label stuck with me even after 1980 when PTSD was accepted into the DSM-V. All of the mental health doctors and therapists since 1980 kept treating me for schizoaffective disorder. I knew for a very long time and after reading several books about PTSD that I was grossly misdiagnosed. I first mentioned to my psychiatrists that I felt my symptoms and reactions seemed, to me, to be clearly PTSD related. Of course, every doctor I had denied I qualify for the PTSD criteria. In my opinion I firmly believe that none of the doctors and/or therapists even considered any of the trauma I experienced and related to them mattered. This situation made me angry, and yes, even more traumatized. I also feel I was, and am, much too overmedicated since they gave me the wrong diagnosis over and over again. Now, there is no hope, after all that time, for me to discontinue any one, or more, of the multiple medications I still take regularly.
The clinic where I went for therapy was not conducive to recovery and/or healing. Most of the therapists played mind games with their clients, and certainly me. These mind games were not therapeutic and never tried to be. Instead I still believe that some of them were intentionally abusive. The HIPAA violations were multiple and frequent, both for me and the other clients there. The only reason I stayed with that clinic for so long was, as I was dependent/codependent on my family, it was also my family who insisted I keep my treatment there. It wasn't until 2017 that I cut all ties with that clinic.
I was seeing a new therapist at the new agency but the wait to see their psychiatrist was about three months. I still went to my old clinic for medications. It wasn't until my so-called "friend" disclosed confidential situations and information she and I were experiencing to that doctor that I knew I must cut ties there. Of course, the doctor kept stating to me that there was no HIPAA violation at all. However, I knew both what my "friend" said to me causing me to realize, after speaking to that doctor, that private information was disclosed between them.
The newer therapist was not specifically trained as a trauma informed therapist, although I did make some progress with him. He left that agency to work full-time as a school counselor.
That brings you up-to-date on my more recent issues. I only hope that I could get to my goal of "serenity," simply put, before I die.
Hello, I am your age exactly (or I was at the time you wrote this). I am new here as of today and found it while researching EMDR, now that I have Medicare. Unlike you, I have never had any therapy for my C-PTSD. I'm reading Pete Walker's book though and it's already helped a lot !
I just wondered how things are going for you now.
 

hyperanxiety

New Here
I am just returning to this page since I have been off my desktop computer for a while. I know I can also use my phone by I am no way near adept at entering data as fast as I would like. I used to be a transcriptionist many, many years ago, so a keyboard is so much quicker for me.

My actual age is 65 as of this past August 10th.

I am so-so, maybe OK. I go from angry outbursts to deep depressions to so-called "normalcy," whatever that is. I am feeling okay right now but also very unproductive. My computer and Facebook and phone all have become a horrible addiction for me. I also spend until 2:00 and 3:00 A.M. reading. I must have almost 40 physical books to be read, 27 of which are library books, and an ereader list to be read list as well.

The last two weeks felt like hell on earth to me. I wasted too much time on my angry outbursts, obviously not good for apartment living, three weeks ago. Then the next week I came to a very deep depression, so deep that I was afraid for myself. Now, this week, aside from reneging on what I planned on doing today, I am OK?

I do speak to my therapist over the phone for my session with him for now. I have yet to meet him in person. And, as he never does internet appointments, I won't know what he looks like until whenever we are all "safe" from this covid thing here. As I expect with most therapy, especially trauma therapy, I don't expect to be a happy camper after talking to him every time. I doubt that is how healing works, no matter what type of therapy you are, or I am, in. Most of the time, I fear everyone and everything, including myself. I know this isn't how I really feel about my therapist, but there are not many times that I even feel afraid of my therapist. Maybe that is because we cannot see each other while we talk, even on the internet. I am beginning to wonder whether my angry outbursts are some form of dissociation?

I am new to trauma therapy and started with my new therapist several months ago. That leaves me "unsteady" at this point. I am just explaining the main traumas that happened to me throughout my life to him. My memory of many other traumas have yet to reach the surface of my consciousness. Maybe it is better that way but I don't think healing will occur without delving into some of them at some point in my therapy.

This week, I can't allow myself to be depressed or angry because I have chores, grocery store and laundry mainly, that absolutely must get done. So, no matter how bad I may feel after tomorrow's session with my therapist leaves me, I have to force myself to push onward.

Thanks for asking about me.

I hope you are also doing reasonably well or better.

Take care! Stay strong! Stay well!
 

Considering

New Here
I am just returning to this page since I have been off my desktop computer for a while. I know I can also use my phone by I am no way near adept at entering data as fast as I would like. I used to be a transcriptionist many, many years ago, so a keyboard is so much quicker for me.

My actual age is 65 as of this past August 10th.

I am so-so, maybe OK. I go from angry outbursts to deep depressions to so-called "normalcy," whatever that is. I am feeling okay right now but also very unproductive. My computer and Facebook and phone all have become a horrible addiction for me. I also spend until 2:00 and 3:00 A.M. reading. I must have almost 40 physical books to be read, 27 of which are library books, and an ereader list to be read list as well.

The last two weeks felt like hell on earth to me. I wasted too much time on my angry outbursts, obviously not good for apartment living, three weeks ago. Then the next week I came to a very deep depression, so deep that I was afraid for myself. Now, this week, aside from reneging on what I planned on doing today, I am OK?

I do speak to my therapist over the phone for my session with him for now. I have yet to meet him in person. And, as he never does internet appointments, I won't know what he looks like until whenever we are all "safe" from this covid thing here. As I expect with most therapy, especially trauma therapy, I don't expect to be a happy camper after talking to him every time. I doubt that is how healing works, no matter what type of therapy you are, or I am, in. Most of the time, I fear everyone and everything, including myself. I know this isn't how I really feel about my therapist, but there are not many times that I even feel afraid of my therapist. Maybe that is because we cannot see each other while we talk, even on the internet. I am beginning to wonder whether my angry outbursts are some form of dissociation?

I am new to trauma therapy and started with my new therapist several months ago. That leaves me "unsteady" at this point. I am just explaining the main traumas that happened to me throughout my life to him. My memory of many other traumas have yet to reach the surface of my consciousness. Maybe it is better that way but I don't think healing will occur without delving into some of them at some point in my therapy.

This week, I can't allow myself to be depressed or angry because I have chores, grocery store and laundry mainly, that absolutely must get done. So, no matter how bad I may feel after tomorrow's session with my therapist leaves me, I have to force myself to push onward.

Thanks for asking about me.

I hope you are also doing reasonably well or better.

Take care! Stay strong! Stay well!
Hi Hyperanxiety,
I've been away for the last couple of days and it's noisy in here now; will reply later 🌹
 
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