Today I see a new therapist who specializes in PTSD. I want so much for it to be the best experience. One where I really feel someone knows what is going on with me and can give me clear direct advice and support. To this point I really have hoped someone would come in with a magic wand and say this is where you are, this is what you have to do and this is what you can expect if you do these things. Then I could be clear on where I am going and somehow that seems to be the best but it is not going to happen. Not knowing and having to be your own advocate really pisses me off. Just feeling a bit sorry for myself. I know all the good self talk but it really makes me mad that when I am not able to think clearly I am at the whim of others and then there is the clean up. Seems like wasted time. Time being one of my obssessions that I am convinced I am running out of (Everyone dies on me). Oh well, today I am going to trying and not have expectations. Really! Because when I can expect a miracle without expectations I am always delighted to my core and I am restored in the belief of "the process".
Patty
Patty