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A Brush With A Narcissist

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jaccat

MyPTSD Pro
Reading things on this site are making me recognise things from my past. The incidents I'm going to describe happened a few years ago now.

I used to work on a checkout in a supermarket. I saw plenty of different kinds of customers, from nice friendly ones to right idiots. But not much bothered me. I guess I felt safe behind the till. That was until one night when a man who looked familiar to me started chatting to me while I was serving him. It started innocuously enough, but rapidly turned into a kind of anti-seminist rant about the state of the country and what needed doing to fix it.

What he was saying disgusted me, but aware of my position I kept my mouth shut, only saying what I needed to to serve him.

This clearly angered him and he became more and more persistent to get me to agree with him. He failed.

The next thing I know he requested a private conversation with my manager in which he tried to get me fired. She told me a little about what he said. It became clear to her there was something very wrong. He told her he was an international journalist and I was out to get him!

That seems funny now, but at the time I was left quite shaken.

Two years pass before I see him again: Again I am working at a till when he comes through, this time he's with a woman and a teenage boy.

The man clearly recognises me and starts again, getting right in my face, making inflammatory statements and insisting that I agree with him. His family do nothing. The moment he starts on me I recognised him.

I realise now that I was triggered into a flashback at that point. I slammed on the help button, told the supervisor they needed to get someone to take over me now, then walked off, leaving them with only half their shopping processed.

My supervisor, seeing me bolt, asked if everything was all right. I barked No! and ran for it.

I wasn't thinking. I should have left the shop floor altogether, but was so panicked I didn't think I'd make it that far. Instead I ended up crouched on the floor behind the customer service desk, trying to calm my breathing.

My supervisor found me there some minutes later. She'd been looking for me, and helped me get off the shopfloor. By that time I was giggling hysterically.

Again the man tried to get me fired. When that didn't work he rang the GSM. I don't know what was said, but afterwards my GSM told me if that man ever came near me again I was to leave the shop floor immediately.
The man also rang the company hear office and tried to get them to fire me. The store ended up being forced to send him a letter of apology for my behaviour! My manager was not impressed.

I don't know why he targeted me. As far as I know the store never had any other trouble from him. Clearly he sensed something vulnerable in me. That surprises me. Most people see me as being quite invulnerable on the outside (I'm an expert at presenting a strong front).

Anyway, what I've just realised was that the reason I behaved so uncharacteristically and ran was because I was in a flashback, and the reason I was in a flashback was because the man was a narcissist (as well as being a total nutter). His narcissistic behaviour triggered a massive fear in me stemming from memories of my relationship with members of my family as a child; the way I had to agree with their way of seeing the world to survive, even when it was so twisted as to be dangerous. Realising that makes me feel better about the incident.
 
I'm not sure exactly what it is about narcissists that enable them to pick out the weakest link... I've had it happen to me, too. I'm not trying to insult you by saying you are weak, but I think that there is something inside of us that does indeed make us a bit more vulnerable, even if we can present a strong front! I went on a date with a narcissist once (before I knew his true colors) only to later discover who he really was as I saw a pattern where he went after a more vulnerable subset of women.
 
Hey Girl,

I don't know if this will make you feel better, but this whole thing reminds me of when I worked in San Francisco with the homeless.

There were SOO SO many mentally ill people, and I would OFTEN get someone, either male or female, who would latch onto me or my office mate and we would be their obsession. It was stuff just like what you described. They were "in the CIA" or one time it was a guy who "Owned Mercedes Benz" and he needed to donate "80 Mercedes" and I swear to you I could not shake this guy for like two weeks of daily torture. Or I had a food-nut who told me we were evil for serving people bread. Yes, BREAD...

Once it was a white woman who was constantly telling me that we (the staff) were "up here living like kings" while we throw slop buckets in the floor for "them" ... Not the case at all actually, and we all ate the same food as the clients. She then picked up a water bottle that was on my desk (ironically filled with tap) and showed it to me like it was a diamond and I was a fatcat! It was funny later but exhausting in the moment lol!

Anyways, my point is you had a nutcase find you and latch on, that's all.

On a deeper spiritual level, you might want to know why you attracted a person like this to begin with (something that needs to be cleared in your past), or if that's not your bag, just know that these things happen and mentally ill people tend to obsess over certain people. My career in the Tenderloin taught me that!

I hope he didn't rattle you too much, and the good news about his insanity is it became clear to everyone he "complained to" that he is nuts and you are the one being harassed. They probably sent that letter just to get rid of him, something else we also did in social services to appease people we really didn't have time to deal with. Don't think of their letter as taking his side.

He probably ruined a lot of days, and they were like "omg just send him an apology and get rid of him"!

Hugs if you want 'em.. I feel your pain girl!!
 
Looking back now I can see how absurd it was, but it was scary at the time. My manager did apologise to me for having to send the apology. She was angry about it too.

Thanks for the :hug: @Santa_Laurie . I don't do well with real ones, but virtual ones are just fine.
 
This brings back some dark, dark times. My brother sometimes still acts in a very similar way. I would have to assume this asshole probably sees every piece of shit that comes out of his mouth as the right answer, and that he cannot lose an argument. That's what it sounds like. He knew you weren't buying into his bull, but he wanted you to do so, no matter what cost. These people are leeches.

My brother sometimes goes on similar rants, arguing about the ills of society and using some horrible logic to defend his opinions. No matter how hard you try to point out how fallacious his argument might be, or no matter how much we've told him to just chill the f*ck out, he'll keep going on and on to the point where he feels he has "won" the argument.

I just hate these people. They show very little humility. Absolute pure vile.

I'm glad that you've at least realized what was going on and able to gain a sense of understanding. I wish the best of luck to you. Just remember: these people are pretty much pure vile, and their drive is based on hate and anger. It's sad, but it's true.
 
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