Hi I have CPTSD.
I am accustomed to dealing with chronic depression, exhaustion, panic and anxiety and the multitude of symptoms that accompany this.
All of these things I was convinced if I just push through it one more time it will get better.
But there's been a change in the last few weeks. And I don't know what to make of it.
There is this overwhelming sense of grief that just floods me emotionally. The grief is new for me.
I cant seem to find that push to get over this to being fine again.
Before there was suicidal ideation but now I find myself making more concrete plans.
I have no intention of ending things yet, not for years. But I have started prepping for the occasion.
I have been getting rid of the useless things and organizing the important things.
I'm looking into the assisted death options we have where I live.
I am making arrangements for a D.N.R
I am providing extra training at work to my co workers so someone knows how to do my job.
with family I have been taking pictures and making sure I am in them.
I have been making arrangements for my debt to be taken care of.
I am not ready to leave my kids yet I have to get them to adulthood. I have to stick this out another 8 years. But I am scared.
I am accustomed to dealing with chronic depression, exhaustion, panic and anxiety and the multitude of symptoms that accompany this.
All of these things I was convinced if I just push through it one more time it will get better.
But there's been a change in the last few weeks. And I don't know what to make of it.
There is this overwhelming sense of grief that just floods me emotionally. The grief is new for me.
I cant seem to find that push to get over this to being fine again.
Before there was suicidal ideation but now I find myself making more concrete plans.
I have no intention of ending things yet, not for years. But I have started prepping for the occasion.
I have been getting rid of the useless things and organizing the important things.
I'm looking into the assisted death options we have where I live.
I am making arrangements for a D.N.R
I am providing extra training at work to my co workers so someone knows how to do my job.
with family I have been taking pictures and making sure I am in them.
I have been making arrangements for my debt to be taken care of.
I am not ready to leave my kids yet I have to get them to adulthood. I have to stick this out another 8 years. But I am scared.