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Death A friend died last night

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Changing4Best

MyPTSD Pro
He was also a client of mine. I'm sad, but I cannot cry. I have not cried since my father died about half a dozen years ago. Crying is very difficult for me, has been since long ago when one of my grandfathers told me, "Don't cry." at one of my grandmother's funerals. So, I am grieving in other ways, I guess. I feel a deep pain in my chest, not a heart attack kind of pain, but an emotional one. It is a pain I have felt a few times in my life. When loved ones die, this is the pain I feel, and I cannot release the pain, because I cannot cry very often, if at all today anyway.

He was a wonderful man. Everyone looked up to him. He was known all over town. He will be missed. I guess I knew him for about 4 years, but it seemed a lot longer, because he minded me of the grandfather that told me not to cry. That just makes it that much harder to cry!

He lived an exemplary life. He was a rare kind of man.
 
Thanks, I needed that @LuckiLee

I have been writing a lot. I wrote some journal type entries. I have written my T, and some friends and family. Time will help too,I know.
 
I spoke to his family today and the woman said that he was all positive about me the day before the night he died. He raved about how intelligent he thought I was, how wonderful I was to him and lots more I cannot remember now, because I burst into silent tears as she told me this. I was really touched deeply by it. I told her it made my week and thanked her for telling me. It really did too. I was so moved by it all.
 
I have been so tired. I slept half the day today. I don't feel like doing anything, including the usual things I do. I know I have to do certain things, like go to work, but today is a day off, so I crashed. I just could not take it any longer. I still have not been able to cry. I did yawn myself half crazy today, if that makes any sense? I guess I am running the gamut of emotions. How about you? How are you doing?
 
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