a part of who i use to be is dead now. can anyone relate?

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hope4us

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I survived long term ongoing trauma. and i feel like a part of who i use to be is now dead. sometimes when things got too overwhelmed to cope, a part of me would leave myself and shut down. i didnt care as much, and i didnt feel as much emotion when this happened. than i would come back to myself later, and than a part of me would leave again when things got too unbearable, and this kept happening. i feel like each time when i came back to myself i was a little bit more damaged. and now a part of me is dead, im not the same anymore. because i cant remember things, i cant focus, i cant control my emotions, i dont have the same motivation for life anymore, things dont matter like they use to, i cant think straight or funtion half the time, I procrastinate everything because everything is too stressful, i cant handle stress anymore. i push people away and shut people out of my life because im forever changed, and ill never be the same again. these are the reasons why i say a part of who i was is dead now. sometimes i also have temporary episodes when i cant hear or see as well. i feel like i was taken from myself. can anyone relate to having these feelings? is this typical for survivors of ongoing trauma?
 
No part of you is dead. You have changed. That's very different.

What you're going through is very normal. Part of healing from PTSD beyond the grounding and the breathing and the working through events is grief. It's very important to grieve the parts of you that have now changed, and grieve the "you" that you could have been.

But change is just change. It doesn't mean better or worse - it just means different. Over time, as you work though your trauma, you may start to see growth and even beauty in change.

I recognize so much of the way I was not long ago in what you wrote. You can get better. Be kind to yourself, and let others help you until you can start helping yourself.
 
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