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A place to get it out

purplebear13

Not Active
I have finally found a place to vent. I'm in therapy and I trust my therapist (she's amazing :)), but I have so much trouble talking about my past sexual abuse. Writing about it is hard too, but for some reason, this feels safe.
I was sexually abused by my neighbor. It started when I was 6 and continued until I was 12. His sister was my best friend and our families were really close, so we were always together. From dinners to vacations. It started out with touching. Sometimes he did this thing where he would "fall asleep" or "pass out" and when he "woke up" a few minutes later, he would have this insane smile and pretend to be going crazy. Then, when he was done, he would pretend to fall asleep again and wake up and be normal. He said that he didn't remember what happened, and would ask me to fill him in. Every time that this happened, I told him that nothing had happened. Sometimes I would have time to find other people or lock myself in the bathroom or another room, but most of the time it happened pretty quickly. When I was 8, the rapes started. The first time was during a New Year's Eve party at my house. Then when our families were in Michigan he raped me and made me give him oral sex. Sometimes I have complete memories of everything, but others have pieces missing. Like on New Year's Eve, I can remember everything except how I ended up in the room alone with him. It bugs me so much that I can't remember big details like that, but I can remember that he was wearing blue and green plaid boxers.
Ughhh. Well, that's the basic summary. It feels really good to get it off my chest and know that it's not something that only I know. Now if only I could do that in therapy :)
Thanks for reading...sorry if it was tmi or triggering...
~A.S.
 
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