I understand what you're saying, Amy Jo. I have and sometimes still do experience cognitive dissonance with regards to my abusers. What makes it so much harder is if they come across as genuinely nice people. Abusers are often masters at maintaining a convincing, charismatic front for the general public and they are usually very selective about whom they abuse. They rely on others disbelieving their victims to continue doing what they do.
They manipulate; they are conniving; they gaslight; they make their victims feel disempowered and like they are going crazy with self-doubt. Abusers almost always give just enough to keep their victims believing they are good and to keep their victims dependent on them, and then choose their moments to utterly demoralise, debase and destroy their victim. They systematically condition you to believe that you are the bad person, not them, and that shatters self-esteem and sense of self-worth.
And the human brain finds maladaptive ways to cope with that as a result - and one such way it can find ways to cope is to romanticise the abuser because it's easier to do that than to confront what they have actually done to you. This is especially easily done if the abuser was a romantic partner who did have romantic and kind moments with you. That's all part of their tactic to keep you where they want you, though. If it was genuinely kind, they would not have counteracted their kindness with abuse.
When you have been fed nothing but manipulative lies that distort your own sense of self, it's very difficult to see through that and it's even harder to believe that you were the victim when so much blame and guilt has been issued from the abuser - which is why talking about it and therapy is so important, so that the neural pathways are repaired and your sense of self is restored to a much healthier level.
Good luck with everything. *offers gentle hugs*