So that’s not totally true. There’s my stepdads voice in my head reminding me over and over how unattractive and fat I’m getting. I was 9. He liked me better at 7. I was still skinny then. Don’t I know if I let myself go I’ll be disgusting and no one will want me? Here take these pills at breakfast? Why don’t I skip dinner tonight? Your mom is on a diet why don’t you do it with her? That thong would look cuter if you’d lose the pudge.
So I guess my brain isn’t in the healthiest of places today. Welcome to eating disorder recovery.
Today has been hard. Got fired. Cool, have a backup plan for finances. But I feel like such a consummate failure because I can't just be normal. Normal people are able to go to work everyday without panic attacks. Normal people can get perfect attendance. I can do no such thing. And here I am. The failure we always knew I would be.