A State Called Is

LittleBigFoot

MyPTSD Pro
Today’s playlist:

Wake Up by Arcade Fire
Feeling Good both by Avicii and Nina Simone
Ordinary Human by OneRepublic

We went up on the Abilify and it’s feeling really good. I have no complaints today beyond some small and manageable anxiety.
 

LittleBigFoot

MyPTSD Pro
So that’s not totally true. There’s my stepdads voice in my head reminding me over and over how unattractive and fat I’m getting. I was 9. He liked me better at 7. I was still skinny then. Don’t I know if I let myself go I’ll be disgusting and no one will want me? Here take these pills at breakfast? Why don’t I skip dinner tonight? Your mom is on a diet why don’t you do it with her? That thong would look cuter if you’d lose the pudge.


So I guess my brain isn’t in the healthiest of places today. Welcome to eating disorder recovery.
 

LittleBigFoot

MyPTSD Pro
Today has been hard. Got fired. Cool, have a backup plan for finances. But I feel like such a consummate failure because I can't just be normal. Normal people are able to go to work everyday without panic attacks. Normal people can get perfect attendance. I can do no such thing. And here I am. The failure we always knew I would be.
 
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